Best of In The Fray 2005. More than 40 years after a horrific — and racist — triple murder, the “other Philadelphia” is finally showing some signs of brotherly love.
Mississippians are fond of quoting their state’s native son, William Faulkner, who said: “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”
I’ve quoted Faulkner myself, and I’m not a Mississippian. Recent events there have got me reconsidering Faulkner’s quote. In June, Edgar Ray “Preacher” Killen, the main conspirator in one of the most notorious killings of the Civil Rights era, was convicted on three counts of manslaughter in the deaths of James Chaney, Michael Schwerner and Andrew Goodman. The verdict came 41 years to the day after the men’s disappearance in 1964. Two days after the conviction, Killen was sentenced to 60 years in prison — a life sentence for the 80-year-old man.
Killen’s fate proves the limits of Faulkner’s observation: The past is dying in Philadelphia.
I speak as a black woman raised in Tennessee. I came of age during the Civil Rights struggle. I was only nine when Chaney, Goodman and Schwerner disappeared, but I remember it vividly. The case stunned the nation. The men disappeared in June, and their bodies were found 44 days later, in August. Even then, it took a tip from an informant to lead the FBI to their graves. The agents brought in bulldozers; the men had been buried under tons of earth.
The trio wasn’t killed in Philadelphia, but they had been charged with speeding and were detained in the county jail while their murderers plotted their deaths. Thus, this southern city of brotherly love wore a scar that thickened over four decades. The town’s very name invoked black people’s worst fears about the racist South.
In 1989, working for a Mississippi newspaper that had sent me to Philadelphia, I heard that fear in my relatives’ voices. I spent two months living in the black community there, and wrote about race relations 25 years after the murder. The past was alive and well in that little town. There, the complexities of racial segregation lingered in ways that seemed unfathomable to an outsider. The high school had private baccalaureate ceremonies: one for the black students and another for the white ones. Blacks didn’t shop much at the drugstore in the center of the city, and they certainly didn’t sit down to have a cup of coffee or a cold drink. The drugstore had been off limits to blacks during the Jim Crow era, and that prohibition, though illegal, remained in force. The one theater in town still reserved the downstairs seats for whites and the upstairs for blacks.
That was the Philadelphia the world saw this summer; it was a vision that framed the stories I read about Killen’s trial. It was a view of a hopeless place that would never change.
There was, however, another Philadelphia — one of small-town pleasantries and relationships. Even though I was an outsider (and worse, a reporter), the suspicions and hostilities eased somewhat. People began to talk. Over and over, I heard black and white Philadelphians insist that their home was more than the place where the infamous murder was hatched. They were tired, and they were ready to lay their burden down.
But how?
Burying the past is a long journey that begins with a single step. Philadelphia took that step in June of 1989, when a committee held a commemoration of the Civil Rights workers deaths. The ceremony included a speech from Richard Molpus, a Neshoba County native and Mississippi’s Secretary of State, admitting that the city and state bore responsibility for the killings. Just last year, at the 40th anniversary of the murders, Molpus pleaded for informants to come forward. “I’m speaking primarily to the white community now,” he said, noting that as many as 20 co-conspirators were believed to have participated in the murder. He continued: “Someone told me the other day, they have already had their judgment day. Others, however, have told wives, children and buddies of their involvement. There are witnesses among us who can share information with prosecutors. Other murderers are aged and infirm and may want to be at peace with themselves and with God before their own death. They need to be encouraged to come forward. They need to know that now is the time to liberate those dark secrets.”
Now, with Killen’s conviction and sentence, the city has taken a giant step. Is its journey over? I don’t think so, and neither does Molpus. “The end of this saga should not be about only cowardly racists finally brought to justice,” he said last year. “The final chapter should be about redemption and yes, those famous words we hear about moving on … moving on to a better life.”
Even though he was addressing Philadelphians, his words speak to the nation. The racial divide is embedded in our society. Philadelphia belongs to all of us, even though the town has symbolized an aspect of American life that many of us would rather ignore. I’m convinced that they are showing us the way through the pain, anger and shame that accompanies race relations in our country.
Faulkner warns us that we can’t leave the past behind. Philadelphia proves that we can put it to rest.
The island filth is clingy and stubborn. It’s an all-out war between me and the layers of Hawaiian dirt that have accumulated on termite-eaten walls. My mop lunges violently at the house that my grandfather built 50 years ago. The aging paint crackles and chips, as bubbling cleaning agents do their grimy work.
Droplets of sweat accumulate on my forehead as I toil away, but I mistake my perspiration for Hilo’s perpetual ocean spray. The air is so moist that some mornings I return home soaked from a run, not realizing that my clothes have been saturated by a gentle morning drizzle.
I take a break under the lines of fruit trees that Grandpa planted in front of the house’s entrance. Mom says that wherever Grandpa walks, vegetation pops up behind him — a green thumb I failed to inherit. For years he nurtured the earth daily so that he could leave us the gifts of his land. Lemons the size of oranges, oranges the size of grapefruits, star fruits, crunchy green mini-apples, and chubby berries wait to be plucked. I sink into the earth’s moistness, my toes slipping out of my slippahs and into papaya mush.
I start clearing rotting branches, fallen leaves and decomposing fruit from the black gravel ground and feel a wave of distress — Grandpa can no longer look out his living room window and watch us as we enjoy the fruits of his years of labor.
The disturbing images of the nursing home video I watched a month ago flood back as I remove mildew that has crept across the walls. “Don’t feel guilty about condemning your elderly loved ones to a cold, windowless home for the dying, where we are understaffed and unhappy,” was the message I took away. Viewing this video at home in the D.C. suburbs, 10,000 miles away from my grandfather’s nursing home room that he shares with a new person (his last roommate passed away), I shudder imagining his life.
He is lying on his back, developing skin sores behind his knees, elbows, and calves because of the constant contact with unfriendly plastic sheets designed to protect the bed from his incontinence.
There is no soul-warming miso soup, with little pieces of tofu and green onions floating on top. No soft, steamy white rice that can dissolve under his toothless gums. Instead, the hospital staff leaves huge chunks of “all-American” white toast that neither his shaky hands can cut nor his gums can manage.
Grandpa’s second-stage dementia triggers a series of daytime naps — the Wonder Bread, left beside his bed, goes stiff and is cleared away before he wakes. On their clipboards, the hospital staff note that he has no interest in eating. He slips in and out of reality, not knowing how or when to ask for food. His remedy? Singing his empty stomach to sleep.
The songs he and his 442nd Purple Heart buddies used as their sustenance during WWII, serve as his now.
“Oh, but Grandpa Kohashi is doing just fine! He watches the birds every day!” the nursing home’s public relations employee tells my mom during a long-distance phone call.
“The birds, the birds — all they can talk about is the birds!” my mom mutters to herself as she hangs up, feeling helpless from the East Coast. “Can’t they comment on his health? His eating habits? His adjustment?” I see guilt emerge in tight wrinkles on my mother’s face. Scrawled on our kitchen calendar are X’s marking the number of days left before we fly to visit him.
And now here I am, in Grandpa’s hometown of Hilo, trying to protect and cleanse his house and the only piece of land I have known throughout my nomadic childhood. It is the plot that has sustained my struggling immigrant family for four generations. Its cement structure has proved impenetrable — withstanding tropical storms and the 1960 tsunami that claimed the life of my mom’s elementary school classmate only a few homes away.
Grandpa’s name tag says, “My name is Hiroshi ‘Coffee’ Kohashi, and my favorite hobby is building my own house.”
I imagine Grandpa pouring wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of cement into a foundation that would keep for future generations — it was a symbol of the unlimited possibilities for success.
“Are you Susan’s son?” my Grandpa asks my brother. His capacity to recognize our hapa haole faces has disappeared, and so has our opportunity to make him proud. I want to tell him that the reason my younger brother is studying biomedical engineering is that Grandpa inspired us to work everyday, to chip away at our goals until they no longer appear frightening to achieve.
I squeeze his withered hand and peer into his glazed-over eyes, realizing that they never read the postcards I have been sending him for over two years during my travels, tiny acts of gratitude for every achievement I owed to his silent support.
“Hey, take it is easy!” my mom yells out, as she hears paint splintering and ripping off the wall’s surface. I try to refocus and resort to my old childhood game of pretending to be the Karate Kid diligently painting fences white and waxing cars smooth for my Sensei. If the main character, Daniel-san, could follow a path inward and heal himself through the repetitive cleaning motions, I can do the same.
I whisper thanks to Grandpa’s cement walls knowing they will hold his history, our history. The now gentle, circular strokes remove stains, cobwebs, and the coating of neglect. I finally step back.
Stripped clean, the raw white surface now shines like a fresh coat of paint.
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Hilo, Hawaii
URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hilo,_Hawaii
Although I have crossed the 40-year mark of adulthood, the territory that accompanies being black, female, and lesbian poses a continuous struggle 37 years after “Stonewall.” Still, as the gay marriage debate escalates, I’m not convinced the civil rights claims at the forefront of the gay and lesbian political platform echo those of the African American civil rights movement, as so many claim.
Historically, the gulf between the heterosexual and homosexual populations have been wide; however, members of both groups will likely agree that sexual preference outside the norm can be a liability. Since the loss of a major media market career and intentional exclusion from gay and lesbian social circles have peppered my perspective, I might inflame the men and women to whom I am connected by sexual preference. In fact, my take on the matter may land a little too close to the majority’s opinion for their comfort.
Earlier this year when the California Supreme Court announced that withholding same-sex marriage licenses was unconstitutional, throngs of gays, lesbians, and their supporters in every corner of America basked in the momentary victory. Countering this positive development, the gay community in Houston (where I live) sustained a slight slowdown in political momentum when the “good ‘ol boys” in the Texas House sent a proposed constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage to the State Senate for consideration. Subsequently, the Senate has decided that passage of the same sex marriage ban will be a voter-driven issue.
Additionally, the reaction from civil rights organizations has divided many African Americans. In a shift from the bastion of homophobia long associated with the black community, the California chapter of the NAACP made public its support for a bill that will legalize same-sex marriage statewide following this significant ruling. Undeniably, the wheels of justice are in motion but in reality’s bigger picture, securing full-fledged marital equality for gays and lesbians remains an uphill battle.
The marriage ban is a glaring inequity but more opponents might soften their stance if given clear-cut evidence of the severe threat it poses to the gay and lesbian concept of family. Consider today’s locked doors of legality for gays and lesbians who lose partners to death. In some instances, surviving partners lack legal protection to ensure equitable distribution of property and financial assets. Even then, next-of-kin who are void of compassion may retaliate with judgmental weapons blazing in an all-out lifestyle objection slugfest.
Under similar circumstances where children extend the gay or lesbian family, it is not uncommon for partners to suffer the humiliation of having to relinquish parental privileges. Though the legally binding partnership has its inherent advantages and disadvantages, most gay and lesbian couples in marriage-ready relationships are still eager to sip the bitter with the sweet. Unfortunately, a large segment of heterosexual America sees us as mere sexual beings, nothing more.
Still, since one’s choice of battle must be weighed carefully, my glass is not raised in celebration of victory without sizeable reservations.
It troubles me that the gay marriage movement is flimsily packaged by white gays and lesbians in the civil rights rhetoric written by African Americans. Banning same-sex marriage is not equivalent to Jim Crow laws, which made blacks second-class citizens.
Admittedly, I was remarkably naïve when I started unraveling the fabric of gay and lesbian culture. If racism was absent anywhere in America, I was certain it did not exist in the gay and lesbian community. After all, I had firmly latched onto the “We are Family’’ bandwagon as an unofficial gay and lesbian anthem during the heyday of disco.
Then, reality set in. On numerous occasions, I was asked to present multiple pieces of identification to enter predominantly white gay establishments. Then, I overheard the friend of a white associate whisper “you didn’t tell me she was a nigger” immediately after a chilly introduction in a local lesbian bar.
While gender and color are tangible, sexual orientation is not always so easily classifiable. The African American gay and lesbian community is extremely diverse; many don’t fit the stereotypical mold of “limp-wristed queens and diesel dykes.” In fact, some have gone to great lengths to remain in the closet for fear of career collapse and/or social retribution. Having experienced the former, I now never give my professional colleagues confirmation of my lesbian membership.
Some years ago, my career at an NBC affiliate was destroyed from the fallout of an unfounded and disparaging accusation directly related to my sexual orientation. I made what I considered to be a harmless remark that women in sports are often mistaken for lesbians to a female subordinate. Several weeks passed and I had no idea that news executives were conveniently churning my comment to seal a sexual harassment charge behind the scenes. Their action was even more suspicious since my termination came on the heels of a threat to legally resolve a clear case of gender discrimination with respect to compensation.
Perhaps some will conclude that I guided the career-slicing dagger when I insisted on more insightful media coverage as opposed to the endless footage of frolicking gays and lesbians to commemorate a celebration of Gay Pride. In the conservative minds of my peers, I assume the assignment editor directive I issued flung the closet door wide open.
I tried to revive my career several times but bad news travels fast in network-affiliate TV circles. Matters worsened when a highly regarded African American media coalition I had hoped to enlist dismissed my case as a “domestic issue.” Rising above the “trumped up” charges that ousted me from my newsroom perch was a slow and painful process.
Unlike some white gays and lesbians who push others to come out, I do not feel compelled, as a black lesbian, to follow an agenda that may feed microscopic inspection or voracious speculation in and out of the workplace. As the societal and political tones indicate, the waters of racial and sexual discrimination are still deep.
In fact, subtle or overt racism is never far from my daily experience. More often than not, race and gender prevail as magnets of discrimination long before sexual orientation. The burden of having to prove one’s worth when outfitted in black skin remains unchanged. Unfortunately, this burden is not alleviated in the gay community.
A paved road for white gays and lesbians does not necessarily smooth the bumpy road gays and lesbians of color are forced to travel. Systematic separation by class and color within the diverse gay and lesbian community is a well-kept secret that thwarts unity for all under the rainbow umbrella.
Some white gay and lesbian powerbrokers who head prominent organizations designed to protect our collective interests rarely deem it important to reference or rectify the social and political division that has long been in play. One would think that an examination of the weeds within our own yard would merit a discussion agenda entry at least.
Ohi heta secretos Rio Paraguay kupepe che aguera hatava che yvyguype.
There are many secrets along the Paraguay River I will take to my grave. And not because I don’t want to tell them. I used to think it was only Guarani that kept me outside looking in, but it’s more than the language. People here are born knowing everything about this place; history speaks to them though the water and the stones and the dust.
I lived here three years but I’m as clueless now about how this country works as when I first arrived in 1999: a Peace Corps volunteer with two words of Spanish and a dim idea that Paraguay was somewhere hot and south and vaguely venomous. And where they sent me, to the wild northeast Chaco that is the watershed of the great swamp called the Pantanal, the secrets bubbled up from the riverbed and swirled around me. I’d reach out and each time they would float away.
It’s nine a.m. in Fuerte Olimpo when Lalo and I tiptoe up the skinny gangplank of the cargo launch Ña Manu. It’s now doing double duty as a passenger ferry since, during the years I have been away, the other boats working the northern Rio Paraguay have sunk, cracked in half, or been confiscated for unspecified, unsavory crimes.
Which makes the owner Doña Manuela very happy. This morning she is practically bursting out of her pink leotard with joy. For a three-hundred-pound woman she is surprisingly nimble and as strong as any man; she helps her rather dimwitted young stevedores stow sack after sack of rice and hard biscuits in the hold. We’re told the Ña Manu will leave Fuerte Olimpo punctually but this is Paraguay. And, though I don’t know it yet, Ña Manu has special guests.
When I lived here, I never took the Ña Manu. She is tiny by river standards, about seventy feet long, and the only places to sit are deadly caranda’y palm benches running the length of each side. There’s a bathroom — a box with a hole and a hose — and… oh, I don’t know, I always thought she was too dirty and spooky and creaky, though certainly Carmen Leticia (“the jewel of the Río Paraguay”) and the Cacique were no motor yachts. But at least they looked like they could carry more than two extra people and they weren’t wrapped in brown tarpaulin.
Ña Manu is basically a floating shanty. You don’t burn from the sun, you just braise in the brown oven bag. She has no set schedule, and she’d stiffed us on the way up to Fuerte Olimpo, leaving a day early from Isla Margarita where the distance across the river between Paraguay and Mortinho, Brazil is no more than two hundred meters. No other lanchas were due for days. But Lalo’s friend Eladio was taking his empty cattle chata past Olimpo to Bahia Negra so we hitched a ride and made it upriver that way. All this, I suppose, should be enchanting. But coming back to visit this country that still troubles me and that I still consider my true home, it only seems sad and exhausting.
When we pass through the tarp flap in the stern onto the main deck, I see far too many passengers. Five men sit lined up on one of the long benches on the starboard side. A sixth, younger than the rest and like Lalo, tall for a Paraguayan, sits on a perpendicular bench with his back to the wheelhouse. Lalo walks over and shakes hands with each of them. I’ve seen this before; I’ve learned to shake hands at parties and funerals, but doing it on a boat seems like only a guy thing.
Seems. What do I know? I decide to be a Paraguayan woman about it and give it a pass.
I sit down on the opposite bench next to a Chamococo woman with a baby that can’t be more than a week old. The six men have a look about them: they belong together somehow. The oldest is maybe fifty; the youngest twenty-five. They have small travel bags and most are dressed fairly formally: button-down shirts, belts, a gold chain here and there, boots. All are quite dark though they don’t look Guaraní or Chamococo, meaning they probably work in the sun, maybe cattle hands on estancias.
Other passengers arrive. All the men who just got on go to the bench and shake hands. Mba’e la porte? Upepi nde ha? How’s it going? Where’re you headed? They all know these guys. There’s a little jostling, a little baring of teeth for position — two old women with cigars commandeer the only two comfortable chairs. The doe-eyed crew scampers around trying to avoid Doña Manuela’s wrath. Husband and pilot Ramón has been found, dragged out of his girlfriend’s bed near the port and unceremoniously thrown into the wheelhouse, so we’re good to go.
It’s a six-hour trip downriver from Olimpo to Isla Margarita, which isn’t so bad compared to the thirteen it takes to get upriver. From Asunción the capital to Olimpo, and then up to Bahia Negra, it’s five days. Sometimes there are buses that go halfway up the river. But this time I don’t have five days to get to Olimpo. I don’t have, like I’d always had before, all the time in the world. This time I’m just a tourist, and Paraguay has responded with washouts and road closures and river transport dropping like flies. So Lalo met me in Asuncion and figured out a way for us to loop through Brazil and come out at Mortinho and only have the thirteen hours up to Olimpo by boat. And now we have to get back downTo get me home. He does this for me because he still loves me. He treated me like shit when we lived together in Olimpo. He is atoning.
Lalo waits for me to visit every year. Who knows what he does in the meantime. He’s a good guy, big and sunny and friendly; everyone likes him. When we’re in Asuncion people think I’m the Paraguayan and he’s the European, so fair-skinned and healthy and well-spoken. But a little lost, like me; a few too many vices. So he is destined to live on cattle ranches and on the river, looking and calculating and waiting for the next opportunity. One of the reasons I come back to Paraguay is that Lalo no longer considers me an opportunity. I’m just a woman he knows, who loves this part of the country as much as he does, who needs help getting to its farthest corners, because she doesn’t, after all, really belong here.
An awful lot of Policia Nacional seem to be making this trip. Lalo is staring ahead, grinning, knowing I’ve figured out that something’s up. One of the policemen I know; the other two are new to me. So much time has passed. This was my home, this inhospitable web of marsh and palm forest where nothing grows except what is meant to grow. Yet people live here and their life is hard. My life was hard. And I still miss it. Whatever it was.
I’m staring at the six men. There’s another one; he could be a crew member but I’m not sure. If he’s not, he has a future in crime with his slits for eyes and too big jaw. Even his teeth look criminal. And almost immediately after we shove off, I have to pee and must squeeze past this character to get to the bathroom, such as it is. He politely locks me in, because the door will not stay shut from the inside and I think, surely there are worse ways to die than in a shit-filled toilet on a cargo boat in the middle of the world’s largest continuous swamp. But he lets me out and shows me his teeth and I go back to my bench where there are seven other passengers now, not including the cops.
We’re all facing the five men on the opposite side, except the young one facing the stern. A cop comes over and rather roughly pushes him to one side so the cop can sit down.
Finally Lalo can’t stand it anymore. “Do you know who they are?” he asks me.
I want to punch him. Do I know who they are. Christ.
They are the cattle thieves, Lalo tells me, cuatreros who have finally been caught after two years of robbing their neighbor, Lalo’s employer, Don Miguel Arevalos, whose estancia is about thirteen kilometers outside of Olimpo’s centro. The chase and capture has been covered widely in the national press.
With the thieves, in a relatively clean, yellow oxford shirt, is the would-be buyer of the stolen cattle. The oldest man — the one with the gold chains — is the leader, but it is the youngest who looks the most worried.
He’s “lo más famoso,” says Lalo. “Because he hasn’t fallen yet. The others have all been caught before.”
But they are all, I think, a little too jolly. No one’s guffawing, but they’re joking and drinking tereré and chatting with the cops. Everyone seems to be friends here.
“You don’t get it,” says Lalo. “Everyone robs. Everyone. These guys just rob more.”
The police, while they have a boat, don’t have a budget for gas, so they use public transportation to take prisoners to Concepción, where they will be arraigned and stand trial. It seems that Big Jaw’s going down for attempted murder with a knife. He is presently roaming the decks, gabbing with the crew. None of the passengers looks particularly alarmed. “He’s sorry he didn’t kill the guy,” Lalo adds, and from the way he says it I know he’s not speculating. He knows this for a fact. And there it is again, that thread of connection that Lalo’s attached to, that all Paraguayans are attached to — a word on the street, a nod, a glance — it all moves past me and beneath me unnoticed, like the piranha and dorado passing under the boat’s hull in the brown water.
The police have brought along evidence: one saddle and two white grain bags that hold dried skins and ears, to show the brands and ear cuts. Eight cows were recovered; Lalo says Don Miguel knows of at least thirty missing. Two hours downriver, we arrive at Puerto Sastre where the buyer lives. He is let off to go home and get lunch and some clothes. The rest are from Olimpo and have all their stuff with them. Other passengers board the boat. Motocerristas — men who cut fence posts for estancias along the river —are let on with their chainsaws and post-hole diggers, which at a shriek from Doña Manuela the hapless crew stuff into the hold. More hand-shaking. A few Chamococo come on as well, with big suruvi in grain bags. It’s illegal to fish in the river this month but no one turns in a Chamococo. They are barely alive and barely remembered.
Before, when Paraguay was all quebracho forest and swamp, they were nomads; now they’re exiled to the river’s edge with no home to get back to so they stay on the river and starve, and ride the lanchas, and are quiet. They speak a language that they know no one understands, so they simply gesture gently and smile. They smile at the cattle thieves; they could care less who took what from who. And of this whole story — of the big estancia and the thieving and the knowing and shaking hands and getting on and getting off — only I am out of place, only I am something not right.
I was living in Fuerte Olimpo when Don Miguel’s son Caludio hired a witch doctor to put spells on the corners of their land so the thieves could not enter. Neither Don Miguel nor Lalo could talk sense into him. “You have to ride out and count your herd — two, three times a week. You have to fix fences and patrol borders. Caludio wants to stay blind. He knew who was doing it; he just didn’t want to see,” Lalo tells me now. I once brought Caludio amulets from Asunción to help him with his spells. This was when I didn’t know that he already knew who the thieves were. It seems even the blind know more than me.
As we head out into the river again all the thieves open their lunches, prepared by wives or girlfriends. The cops have returned to the boat with empanadas. One of the thieves produces a cake, cut into six pieces. From the way the cake has been prepared, I can tell there was a party last night to send off the thieves and this cake is part of the leftovers. I have bananas and bread; Lalo has cheese and honey and buys a milanesa from a kid in Sastre. We drink tereré afterwards and I pray that dehydration has set in so that I don’t have to use the bathroom again.
By the time we’re well beyond Sastre, Manuela is done shrieking at the police for leaving the thieves unguarded on the boat while they bought empanadas up the road. As far as I can tell everybody finds this pretty amusing, even her.
It is about a hundred and ten degrees on the river and the lancha is galloping along at about eleven knots. My back is killing me. Camelotes crawl by, not yet in flower but trailing yards and yards of rubbery root and leaf as the upper Chaco has received about eight inches of rain this week and the river is high and fast. Twice we stop to let the crew disengage a particularly big clump from the propeller. The hum of an old diesel engine, even this one, is quiet and soothing. Above it I can hear the big green and blue parrots calling to each other in the trees. Occasionally a canoa, a small handmade fishing boat, slips out of a clump of hu negro horsetail in a small riacho, the boatmen tending some plastic bottles with hooks streaming down, baiting paku.
I can make fun of Ña Manu, I can talk about filth and discomfort, but with Paraguay on one side dark and scrubby, and Matto Grosso del Sur on the other all endless palm forest, I can’t say it’s ever been too much to bear. I have stared at this river five days at a time, over and over. I have never been bored here.
The thieves get off with the police at the second-to-last stop, Carmelo Peralta, and I have to tell Doña Manuela that they forgot the evidence. More shrieking. Much appreciative nodding by the cop who knows me. A dirty glance from the thief with the cake. I have entered the story now.
Ña Manu heaves herself around to Isla Margarita and anchors for the night, and Lalo and I pay a ninety-year-old man to row us across the river to Mortinho in his yellow-and-green canoa. This is the only way across. Mortinho is a bigger town and we need to catch the bus here to do the twenty-hour loop through Brazil and back down to Asunción. Brazil has roads; Paraguay has, at this moment, mud.
In Mortinho, we round a corner and sitting in front of a hotel having tereré are four men I know from Olimpo: José Belén Gonzales, a council member I worked with; his cousin Martin Suarez the veterinarian; two other guys I know but not by name. Just hanging around. In Brazil.
Lalo starts to grin. Asks a couple of polite questions that are not all that polite.
“How’d you get here?”
“Deslizadora.” Motor boat.
“Whatcha doing in town?”
“Oh … you know, heh-heh, a little business.”
“Staying long?”
“Er, no, we’re going back to Olimpo tomorrow.”
“Ya, Ya,” says Lalo, which is sort of an ‘Of course, I see,’ non-threatening, low-key, but these fellas are spooked.
José Belén looks ready to die. He can’t look at me. He never was a big help as a consejal but as far as I know he didn’t hate me. In Olimpo, I spent weeks trying to teach him and the other consejales how to read the town’s budget so they could know where the money went. On this visit trip back, Lalo informed me with a smirk that I’d done a good job and now all the consejales know how to track the money… right out of the budget.
Lalo does not do what he does best — plop down for a good long mindless chat. I have already braced myself for an hour of Guaraní. Instead he asks them in Spanish where we can find Brazilian reales since we need to pay for the bus and the banks are closed. Martin says “Oh, Vincente’s got them,” and gestures towards the corner where I see a locked door. José Belén starts to say, “But Vincente’s closed —” but Martin shoots him a look and says with clenched teeth, “No, I’m sure he’s open,” and José Belén shuts up. Lalo grabs my arm and we scram.
Lost. I am lost.
Lalo says, quietly, “Aha,” and this is what he tells me he has figured out:
José Belén owns the estancia next to Don Miguel. Each has about twelve thousand acres. The thieves are José Belén’s hired men. José Belén knows they’ve been stealing cattle from Don Miguel; there are still about twenty-five on José Belén’s property. Martin is José Belén’s cousin and knows Vincente who is a buyer. The other two are involved but who knows how. They are in Mortinho because two small chatas are berthed here and they need to ask around and hire one to take up the river, load the cows, and sell them to Vincente to make enough money to pay the thieves’ lawyer in Concepción who is on Martin’s payroll. That’s why the thieves looked unconcerned. They knew José Belén was already here, working things out for them.
“But how will a chata sneak up the Río Paraguay and load the cows?” I ask.
Lalo gives me a look that says, you know the river. You know how you can get lost in it, with its miles of riachos and twists and thickets and hidey holes. A chata can easily slip in below Olimpo without anyone noticing…unless Don Miguel and Caludio have been tipped off and know it’s coming. “Then,” says Lalo grinning, “things could get interesting.”
So we find a phone and call Miguel who is somber, then gleeful, then somber again, because Caludio will be absolutely no help, clinging to his yuyos and amuletos till he’s kicked in the teeth by a ladrón himself and left to die. But we are thanked, and defense plans are put in motion, and I will extract some small piece of satisfaction from all this. And it is that even though I knew nothing, nothing at all — I would have sat through a boat ride with felons thinking they were off to a business meeting and never been the wiser — José Belén and Martin thought I knew everything. In that one moment, all the secrets were handed to me. They thought I knew; they thought I deserved to know. And that, ultimately, is what keeps me coming back here — a nod, a recognition, a tiny opening through marsh and water, that I can slip through.
Related links:
Waterland Research Institute.Essays from a collection entitled The Pantanal: Understanding and Preserving the World’s Largest Wetland. Juan Maria Carrón provides a wonderful overview of the Paraguayan Pantanal, its people, and the dangers facing it. Also see the essay by John F. Gotlgens for a frightening look at what multinational corporations and monetary institutions are trying to do to the entire South American watershed.
International Rivers Network. For more information about Hidrovía and what the IRN and local NGO Rios Vivos are trying to do to stop this project.
With a new year upon us, it can be all too easy to rush into bettering ourselves—without reflecting on past accomplishments. But here at In The Fray, we know we’d be nothing without our past—as well as thousands of new readers and dozens of new contributors.
As we close the book on another year and the twelve issues it brought us, we commemorate the Best of In The Fray 2004 by republishing the stories that our readers and editors thought best reflected the excellence ITF strives for. From Rachel Rinaldo’s investigation of how a wounded Rwanda is rebuilding itself ten years after its harrowing genocide, to Benoit Denizet-Lewis’ fictional conversation between then-presidential candidate John Kerry and former vice president Al Gore, the winning pieces represent some of ITF’s best offerings to date. On Monday, January 17, we’ll also publish one new story, Occupation’s Death Grip, Jason Boog’s exploration of the once-powerful Russian military’s downward spiral.
And in a world constantly changing—for better and worse, we here at ITF are also making resolutions for improvement. Through interactive surveys and a host of strategies designed to connect you with others who are also concerned with issues of identity and community, we plan to engage readers more frequently.
Adding new perspectives to the ways we envision the world and debate issues concerning identity and community, two familiar voices, Scott Winship and Russell Cobb, will begin penning regular columns in the months ahead.
And when ITF launches its first annual college writing contest later this month, lesser known, but equally important, voices—maybe even yours!—will also help us see the world through different I’s. We’ll ask prospective contestants to write about their subversion of a gender, race, consumer, or other kind of social norm in a public, family, or campus space. The writer of the best essay will be awarded a $200 prize. (Click here to learn how to participate.)
In addition, next month, on the heels of the holiday season’s ritual bingeing and purging—and an international debate over providing sufficient disaster relief to Southeast Asia—we’ll publish our Excess issue, the first of several theme-oriented issues.
By the end of this year, In The Fray hopes to publish the first print edition of the magazine. So far, we have raised $1,163 of the $12,000 we need. Please consider making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit, all-volunteer organization—we’ve added new ways that you can help. As you know, In The Fray is a completely volunteer effort, and we depend on the ongoing support of readers like you.
Happy New Year—and thanks for helping ITF ring in another year!
Laura Nathan
Editor
Brooklyn, New York
The Best of In The Fray 2004
Outsourcing Marriage, by Radhika Sharma Best of IDENTIFY. Expat suitors are returning to India to sweep brides off their feet and their continent.
Published April 5, 2004
Genocide’s Deadly Residue, by Rachel Rinaldo Best of IDENTIFY (runner-up). The international community looked the other way while more than 800,000 people were murdered in Rwanda 10 years ago. Now, justice remains elusive and the harsh aftermath of orphans and HIV, psychological scars and physical scarcity threaten to prolong the killing.
Published September 6, 2004
GAY LIT, by Richard Martin Best of IMAGINE. If you think being a closeted queer is suffocating, just imagine what it’s like to be an imprisoned gay man.
Published July 12, 2004
The Specter, by Hildie S. Block Best of INTERACT. She could never really appreciate her father’s 30-year struggle with multiple sclerosis. Until her own fingertips went numb.
Published September 6, 2004
Sex, Lies, and Adult Videos: An Interview with Christi Lake, by Laura Nathan Best of INTERACT (runner-up). Being a female sex symbol isn’t easy, but Christi Lake likes to do it. A conversation with the adult film star about reclaiming sex—on and off the camera.
Published December 6, 2004
Portrait of a Child Soldier: An Interview with Josh Arseneau, by Kenji Mizumori Best of IMAGE (tie). An interview with artist Josh Arseneau, who painted portraits of Liberian youth for his Pacific Northwest College of Art senior thesis, one of which was exhibited at In The Fray’s recent benefit in Manhattan.
Published August 27, 2004
Marriage Month, by Adam Lovingood Best of IMAGE (tie). Most people are aware that San Francisco allowed same-sex marriages for a month earlier this year, but few know the poignant tales behind the unions.
Published May 17, 2004
Life after Torture, by John Kaplan Best of IMAGE (runner-up). Hoping to kill off the ghosts of Abu Ghraib, President Bush wants to tear down the now infamous Iraqi prison. But getting rid of Abu Ghraib won’t ameliorate the trauma—at least not for the tortured, who struggle with their pasts on into the present.
Published June 7, 2004
Strangers in a Strange Land, by Laura Nathan Best of OFF THE SHELF. Just as Texans are told to remember the Alamo, Jews are told to remember the Holocaust. But as David Bezmozgis suggests in Natasha and Other Stories, maybe it’s time for Jews to remember that they’ve also wandered through the desert and trekked across international waters.
Published July 12, 2004
A Wild Life, by Alexandra Copley Best of THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS. Leading simple but hard lives, Brazil’s cowboys are responsible for producing much of the beef that fills North American supermarkets.
Published September 20, 2004
Searching for Belonging, by Afi-Odelia E. Scruggs Best of the Columns (tie). Shopping for palm oil, cardamom coffee, and identity.
Published February 2, 2004
Looking for a Silver Lining, by Henry P. Belanger Best of the Columns (tie). With a big gray cumulonimbus looming above following the 2004 election, consoling ourselves over the results is hardly easy. But Red Sox Fans, who know what it means to endure years of pain, have some wise ideas for coping with this strange new world.
Published November 9, 2004
A 20/20 Vision, by Bob Keeler Best of the Guest Columns (tie). All I can do to cope with the fear of another Bush victory is entertain the political fantasies dancing in my head.
Published October 18, 2004
The John and Al tapes, by Benoit Denizet-Lewis Best of the Guest Columns (tie). If only John Kerry and Al Gore would speak candidly in public … But since they don’t, here’s a fictional late-night conversation.
Google Jew, by Tak Toyoshima Best of Secret Asian Man.
Published September 6, 2004
Best of In The Fray 2004. Being a female sex symbol isn’t easy, but Christi Lake likes to do it. A conversation with the adult film star about reclaiming sex—on and off the camera.
If sex is supposed to be a bad thing, then why did God make it feel so good?” Christi Lake asks as she puts on her mascara and gets ready for work. If you didn’t know Christi, her remark might sound like the battle cry of the 1960s sexual revolution. But for Christi, who is readying herself for another day at the office—that is, nude before a video camera, where she will have sex with one or two other men or women—this maxim cannot be repeated often enough.
Despite the prolific number of people who use pornography—or, as Christi prefers to call it, “adult materials”—and the virtual disappearance of cultural norms shunning the expression of female sexuality, women who earn their living through sex continue to be stigmatized. Subjected to a double standard that regards men who work in the adult entertainment industry as “real men,” women in the industry are typically characterized as inferior, powerless, and morally bankrupt—at least by outsiders.
Inside the industry, though, the women tell another story. As Christi and her colleagues suggest in Australian filmmaker Louisa Achille’s documentary, The Naked Feminist, just because women like sex and do it for a living doesn’t mean they’re oppressed. It would also be shortsighted to believe that these women were just getting paid to have sex, or that men were directing their every move. In fact, many women, including Christi, are executives, directors, actresses, mentors to other women in the industry, and advocates for safe sex, public health, and free speech. In the wake of the recent HIV outbreak in the industry, many of these women have been promoting condom use and safe sex, encouraging the temporary shutdown of film studios, and calling for change in the industry.
Christi, meanwhile, has taken a leave of absence from her work both in front of and behind the camera. But when I spoke with her recently—over two months after I first met Christi and her mom—her determination and her commitment to her colleagues, her fans, and the right to make and watch adult materials was as strong as ever.
Why did you choose this particular line of work?
Purely [out of] curiosity. I was a connoisseur [of adult entertainment]. I had watched adult videos for my own pleasure for a long time, but this became my profession purely by accident … It wasn’t a chosen direction; it just happened. I was a dancer; I went to a convention, went to some photographers, went to New York and did a photo shoot, and then after the photo shoot, I went to another convention where I met the videographers, and they asked me to come out and do a video for them. So it was really just a chain reaction, not planned. To be honest with you, when [a colleague] and I discussed how many videos we thought we’d do in a year, I thought, “I don’t know—eight? Ten? Fifteen at the most?”
It’s seventy-five.We were very new at this and had no clue what we were getting into. Little did I know.
So it wasn’t a chosen [career path]. It was destiny. I was destined to [be an adult entertainer]. Maybe somewhere down the line, someone watching one of my films sees that I have safe sex with a condom, and next time she is getting ready to have sex and her boyfriend wants to [have sex] without using [a condom], she will say, “No, I saw that film, and Christi used a condom.”
Many of the women in The Naked Feminist argue that one of the reasons adult film is so empowering is that it enables creativity. Is it simply that you’re acting, or do you think there are other reasons why you consider it to foster creativity?
Well, we love ripping off movie titles from the mainstream … and doing parodies. But we also feed the mainstream in a lot of ways. When you get a really bad movie, and they’re all talking about the pizza delivery boy—back in the 1970s, almost every other scene was about the pizza delivery boy. We play into mainstream parodies … and make fun of their movies.
[HBO’s] Six Feet Under is a classic example. When I got the script [for an episode of Six Feet Under‘s second season], I remember it said, “cheesy porno music playing in the background, female star moans and groans …” They were making fun of bad adult films, and I just kind of laughed. And when I did my read for them, I think the reason I got the part was because I have been in these sorts of films, I know what some of the cue words are … When it said “V.O.”—voice over—“moans and groans,” I said, “Is this where you want me to do ‘oh oh oh’ [imitates moaning sounds]?” And I started doing it really loudly and was really funny, and they all laughed. They couldn’t believe I went to that next stage. That had to be the reason they hired me for the part—because I made people laugh … I realize they’re making fun of us, and it gives them something to laugh about, and it was cool.
So [adult filmmaking] is art. It might not be high art, obviously, but some of it can be very creative … I just met a friend who did some of the most beautifully artistically done work with the foot fetish, pouring chocolate over a woman’s toes. And I [said], “You need to put this on somewhere. You need to have people see this; this is beautiful.” It’s so artistic because of the way it’s done. You don’t have to appreciate a foot fetish to appreciate the eroticism of it. So I think we have a very artistic way of doing things …
Many people argue that pornography is oppressive to women because it is used solely for men’s pleasure. What is your response to that criticism?
First off, I hate the word “pornography.” I prefer the term “adult entertainment” … because [people typically associate the term] “pornography” [with] little kids being abused. They don’t remember or think that it’s adult entertainment. They just think of child abuse.
So when people argue that adult material is made for men, well, that’s just not true. I was a viewer myself before I got in the business. I meet more female fans that say, “My boyfriend and I just had a great time. We watched your movie—well, we sort of watched your movie, we watched it for five minutes …” It’s not oppressive to us. Women watch it all the time. I have a huge following of females, so I don’t believe that. I’ve had women say, “Of course we enjoy watching it. We like looking at the hot guys.”
… People use [adult materials] to stimulate foreplay; they use it to spice up their sex lives. Women watch it. They might watch different types of things—maybe—but not necessarily all the time. Because of the Internet and mail-order catalogs, there are at least as many women buying adult materials as there are men.
Many critics of pornography deem your line of work as misogynistic, as degrading toward women, and as targeted at securing pleasure solely for men’s purposes. As a woman in this industry who considers herself a feminist, how do you respond to these charges? Where do you draw the line between misogynistic and nonmisogynistic pornography?
[If the entertainment is] degrading toward the woman, [if it] manipulates [the women involved], then I consider it misogynistic.
If you’re in this industry, you’re told in advance how to approach this. You get an AIDS test, you watch Porno 101, and it is in your hands to decide whether you want to do this particular job or not. When the phone rings and someone says, “I want you to work for me, and I’m going to pay you this amount, and I want you to do this, that, and the other,” you have a right to say no at any moment in that conversation. And I’ve said, “No, I don’t do that type of work.”
[There’s] a man I enjoy spending time with—Max Hardcore. I have not ever worked for him as such, but we’re connected, we joke around. I support him insofar as he has the right to free speech and the right to make whatever he wants to make. Would I work for him? No. Why? Because I don’t enjoy the type of things he provides [for audiences]. He interviewed me to work with him once; he showed me his films. He told me exactly what he expected of me, and he told me he wanted me to do “this, this, and this,” and I looked at him and said, “Oh, no. I don’t think so. I don’t think I can do that. Let me sleep on this.”
I left, went to my boyfriend, who is wonderful, and called the guy the next day and said, “Thank you for the job offer, but that’s really not my thing, and I’m not comfortable doing that.” End of story. I’ve seen him many times since then, and there’s nothing different.
Unfortunately, people who are in this business for the money often make bad choices and then regret [making those choices] later on. And I feel bad for them, but it’s the same thing with someone going into a construction business when he had a bad back already. Well, that’s a bad choice, and you made it, and you have to pay the price.
So [for me] it’s not about doing something for the money. Yes, I do this for a living, but you have to draw the line somewhere in your value system. And most of us do, we really do. We have to. [But] you always hear the stories about “Well, that’s not what I agreed to.” If something makes you uncomfortable, then you should have stopped the film from going on and say, “Stop, that’s not what we agreed to,” and walk away or back it up, and say, “This is what we originally agreed to, and this is what I will do, and either we do this, or I stop.”
… I know girls who enjoy those types of choking holds and all that other stuff. Those are the types of girls who need to work for those types of people. But if you’re not doing it in your private life, you shouldn’t be doing it for your job. Period. That goes for everything. Unless you’ve done it at home and enjoyed the hell out of it, don’t do it for the camera because it’s not worth it.
Christi’s mom: Nightline [did a] documentary following this girl when she first started in the industry, and I was so upset when I saw that. She was into drugs and violence. She was a very extreme case. I had to call Christi and say, “This isn’t true, is it? This is horrible!” It really scared me.
Why do you think those sorts of negative characterizations of women in the adult entertainment industry are more prominent than positive representations of women like yourself, Christi?
Because that’s what people think it is. You have a right to your opinion, and your opinion is somewhat valid. You’re right. That’s one perspective, but there’s another perspective, and that’s that they want ratings. [Adult entertainer] Jenna Jameson has done some wonderful things [helping out with the current HIV crisis in the industry and doing fundraisers], and to me, her work is a true Hollywood story. But you don’t see her on Nightline. You saw the other girl on Nightline because that’s what the news people want to talk about. Who wants to see a happy porn star? It’s like a car accident. [No one wants to pay] attention to the traffic.
I’ve been asked to do many news interviews … but I say, “Unless you can tell me what the questions are going to be in advance and what your tone is going to be for the story, I’m not doing it.” Because if it’s going to be a negative piece, I’ve been burned too many times … I’ve done interviews where I was told this was going to be a positive thing or a mostly positive thing, and it came out negative with very little positive, and I was furious.
Once the guy actually called me to forewarn me that he’d screwed up and that he’d had no choice but to make it this way, and I was like, “Well, I’ll see it; I’ll watch it tonight.” I got phone calls from other girls who had seen it [complaining about the story and its characterization of the industry], and I was so angry and called his machine and filled it up twice. I told him, “I’m never trusting the news media again because of what you’ve done to me. You’ve betrayed me and my friends. How can you do this? You blatantly lied.”
So I think that the media tells people the bad stories [about the pornography industry] because that’s what they want to hear, that’s how they think it is. And by [misrepresenting the pornography industry], their poor little children will be safe at home watching cartoons, even though most cartoons are more violent than anything I’ve ever seen.
How do your parents feel about your line of work?
You know, maybe it’s not the first thing they ever wanted me to do in life—they’ll tell you. Mom?
Christi’s mom: [shakes her head] No.
Christi: But as my dad said when I told my parents what I do for a living, “Why would we be upset about you doing something that we actually watch ourselves?”
And I’m safe. I have a head on my shoulders. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink alcohol in dangerous amounts. I teach a positive thing. I teach people how to be safe. I help people enhance their pleasure.
And I stand up for what I think is a fundamental right for everybody. It’s like the Mel Gibson movie, [The Passion of the Christ], that just came out … I’m not into religion in any way, shape, or form, but I know the story. I went to see the movie the opening weekend—not to support the Christian bandwagon, but to support Mel Gibson as an artist and to say, “You have every right, whatever your audience thinks, whatever you believe, to put this out there.” And that’s why I went. I always support other people’s [right] to make art. I might not like it. I watched [The Passion of the Christ with my hands] covering the violence and reading the words, and I sat through it. I did see most of it; there were just certain points where I couldn’t watch the violence, where I couldn’t take any more. But that’s okay. He had the right to make and distribute that film.
Tell me a little bit about your boyfriend’s feelings about your career. From The Naked Feminist, I got the impression that he’s perfectly fine with your job.
Yep. When we met, he owned a magazine, and he was interviewing me for his magazine a few years back—five or six years ago. I was already in a relationship, but [that relationship] was on its way out. We had our differences of opinions in terms of the way I wanted to see my career go, and as strong-minded as I am, I decided it was time to go my own way. And it worked out for the best; I’m confident of that. My ex-boyfriend and I are actually now friends and talk as colleagues in the business. We’re not best friends, but we’re colleagues in the business.
But then I kept running into [my current boyfriend] at charity events … so we started dating. And then the magazine wasn’t doing so great, and we were getting more serious. So then I asked him to work for me, taught him how to run the
camera. He already did photography for his magazine, so I taught him how to do the videography part, and he became partners with me.
He was already in the business when he met me, so there were no surprises. I wasn’t trying to say, “By the way, this is what I do.” He already knew, and he accepted it. He looks at me kind of like my mom [does]. I’m an actress. Whatever my job entails is just part of what I do. When the camera stops and the paycheck comes, I go home to him, and he knows that.
One of the things that struck me about The Naked Feminist was that all of the women – all of the adult entertainers – interviewed in the documentary seem to be very close. Tell me a little bit about your relationship with the other women in the industry.
… I’m not sure if I told Janie Hamilton that I was interviewing with Louisa [Achille, director of The Naked Feminist], or if it was the other way around. I don’t remember which way it happened. But either way, because we are friends, [we all ended up being interviewed].
Jane Hamilton is a director I’ve worked for many, many times, and I highly respect Candida Royalle for her initiative, business savvy, and enthusiasm. I mean, [these women] laid the path for my future … and so I know all of them very, very well, as people who respect our industry.
And we’ve taught other girls. Whenever a new girl comes into the industry and … is going through the dilemmas of “Do I want to do this? Do I not want to do this,” I’ll be the first one to take her aside and say, “Look, this is forever. If you have any doubts, walk out of this room right now. Don’t do it. Don’t ever regret your decision to be in this industry because the minute you have a regret, the vultures will tear you up and spit you out.” And I’m honest about that because it’s just like Howard Stern—if he has a guest on his show, and he can find a weakness, he will tear [that person] apart. Our industry is very similar to that … There’s good and bad in everything that you do, but you find the one with more good, the one that works for you.
At my first photo shoot, I met Nina Hartley. I sat and talked to her for a couple of hours. [I said], “Well, I’m thinking about it; I don’t know. I’m just going to do some photos today and see.” And she gave me her wisdom of who I should see if I ever did decide to go further and do films: “If you ever go to California, you’re going to need this, you’re going to need a test.” She informed me of all of the things I would need in advance. So I’m now like the heir apparent to Nina Hartley … and I guess someday [they’ll] need to find an heir apparent to me. [Laughs] So she taught me all of that, and now I make it a point to [mentor] other new women.
Tell me a little bit about why you agreed to be interviewed for The Naked Feminist.
… Actually, I’ve been interviewed for a lot of documentaries that have not seen the light of day, and I’m pretty sure that they were all for personal consumption, to say “look what I got someone to do,” or whatever the case may be. Basically a huge waste of my time.
So when Louisa said she wanted to interview me, I asked, “Well, okay, what is it that you want to accomplish with this?” … After [Louisa and I had spoken] for a while, I said, “I’d be happy to take some time to interview with you.” I met her and found that to be an interesting, wonderful experience in and of itself. We became good friends. It wasn’t about the documentary anymore. It was more about creating the friendship to me. And that’s why I’m here [in Austin at the South-by-Southwest Film Festival]. I normally require a fee for me to do appearances like this, but I told Louisa, “If there’s anything I can do for you, to help you promote your movie …” I would even email her suggestions because I wanted to help her get [The Naked Feminist] out there … And that was when I hadn’t seen the movie yet completed … So now she’s made this wonderful, interesting documentary that I want the world to see for her.
Making The Naked Feminist was a bit of a family affair for you. Your mother is also interviewed in the film. Did she want to be?
Oh, no, I didn’t offer my mother up as a sacrificial lamb. [Louisa] asked if I would ask my mother if she was willing to be interviewed. [My mom has] done radio stuff with me, when I’ve [been] interviewed on the radio, so I said, “Well, I’ll ask her.” So I asked her if she was [willing to be] interviewed on camera. It took her about forty seconds to think about it, then she said, “Well, sure, we’re going to be in town anyway.”
Were you nervous about what they were going to ask you?
Christi’s mom: Well, somewhat. But it wasn’t exactly the first time I’d done something like this. When she got the award a few years ago, she had my husband and I come up on stage with her to receive her award with her.
Christi:[Laughs] Yeah, it was a very proud moment. Every year the Free Speech Coalition presents an award to someone in the industry who has set a positive [example], an activist who has done good work to promote the positive face of adult entertainment.
Four years ago I was the recipient of [the award], and I asked my parents to come out and be there for me. But when it came time to receive my award, I looked at my mom and said, “Mom, do you want to come onstage with me to get this award? Because you’re the one who taught me right from wrong, and who I am, and what I’ve become today.”
And she said, “I don’t know, ask your father.” So I said, “Dad, do you and Mom want to come onstage with me when I [receive] my award?” And my dad said, “Hell, yeah!” He’d already had a couple of drinks, and he did the Rocky thing [putting arms up in the air] …
What is it that you would like viewers to take from seeing The Naked Feminist?
The United States was created due to a lack of tolerance. And then we come over here, and we’ve started becoming more stringent … now we’re back where we started.
These days there isn’t really a single definition of what it means to be a feminist. There just isn’t; it’s an individual interpretation of what feminism means. It’s the same thing with religion and anything else. But you have to tolerate the other person, [whether that person] is a lesbian, is gay, or whatever. If someone is straight as an arrow and has five kids, they aren’t any better than a lesbian. They just have different lifestyles, and we have to tolerate each other’s differences as such.
So when everyone walks in to see this movie, they’re going to have a set mindset. They’ll have their values and opinions. I want them to leave with a broader sense of tolerance and acceptance of other people for who and what they are no matter who and what they are. I hope viewers will be enlightened and more tolerant after seeing The Naked Feminist.
The black-eyed peas, streamers, and horns have all been put away. But we here at In The Fray continue to celebrate the advent of 2004 with reflections on our past and aspirations for the year ahead.
This month, we publish our annual Best of In The Fray. From Adam Lovingood’s commentary on the terrible irony of Lawrence v. Texas to Alejandro Durán’s photographs of workers and children along a Central American road, the stories featured here were chosen by readers and editors as the best of the year, and truly represent some of ITF’s finest work to date.
We know that New Year’s resolutions can be difficult to keep, but we at In The Fray are genuinely committed to improvement in the year ahead. Beginning this month, we are revamping our site’s blog, PULSE. The new PULSE will be updated several times every week by our staff, and it now allows readers to submit their own entries (replacing the Readers’ Forum on our site). In February, we will introduce a new channel, which will feature two regular columnists and an editorial cartoonist. And with more stories on music, food, film, and travel and a special issue on cross-category lovin’ on the horizon, readers have plenty of great content to look forward to in the coming months.
But that isn’t all. In 2004, we are also going to make a major push to expand our readership, make our website more user-friendly, and turn In The Fray into a print publication.
To this end, we will be conducting a major fundraising campaign during the next few months. Before we can do this, though, we need your input on what you like about In The Fray and how we can improve the magazine. Please help us—and yourself, dear reader—by taking a moment to fill out this completely anonymous survey.
We know that surveys aren’t always fun. But because we need your valuable input, we’ve made this one as painless as possible. Simply use the pull-down menus, fill in the blanks, and click “Submit” when you’re finished. The entire process should take you no more than one minute.
Thank you for your time and for helping us make In The Fray even better in 2004. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to email us.
Happy New Year!
Laura Nathan
Managing Editor
Austin, Texas
Bryant Castro de Serrato Marketing Director New York
The Best of In The Fray 2003
The Battle after Seattle BEST OF IDENTIFY (tie). Four years after the landmark 1999 protests in Seattle, times are tougher for the global justice movement. But activists are adapting by broadening their ranks, shifting their tactics, and envisioning an alternative world.
Written by Victor Tan Chen
Photographed by Dustin Ross
Published December 29, 2003
Bollywood Ending? Not Yet. BEST OF IDENTIFY (tie). What digital video could mean in the world’s largest democracy.
Written and photographed by Nicole Leistikow
Published April 10, 2003
A is for Ambivalent BEST OF IMAGINE (tie). The rise, fall, and pending resurrection of an Asian American magazine.
Written by William S. Lin
Illustrated by Marvin Allegro
Published February 10, 2003
Burning Man Lights a Fire BEST OF IMAGINE (tie). The Nevada desert art event doesn’t just produce art, it produces citizens.
Written by Katherine K. Chen
Photographed by Heather Gallagher and George Post
Published December 22, 2003
The Other Side of Lawrence BEST OF INTERACT. A Supreme Court victory may turn out to be the gay community’s death knell.
Written by Adam Lovingood.
Published September 29, 2003
Por Los Ojos BEST OF IMAGE. Down a road in Central America, eyeing each other.
Photographed by Alejandro Durán
Published June 12, 2003
Fear Totalitarianism BEST OF IMAGE (runner-up). Dodging rubber bullets at the Miami FTAA ministerial.
Photographed by Tom Hayden, Diane Lent, Toussaint Losier, Andy Stern, and Victor Tan Chen
Art direction by Maalik Ausar Obasi
Published December 26, 2003
Drive along the state roads toward the Black Rock Desert, a former lakebed surrounded by mountains in northwest Nevada. Stock up on food, water, and camping goods in the gambling city of Reno. Drive past a gypsum mine and through Gerlach, a once bustling train depot that boasts three bars and a taxidermy stand. Turn at the painted arrow from the blacktop paved road onto the temporary road pressed into the crusty desert surface. Slide your vehicle in a “slot” at the Gate, where dust-streaked men and women collect your ticket and check for stowaways. A short distance later, the exuberant and wackily attired (or unattired) Greeters shower you with a warm “Welcome home!”, maps, and information about camping guidelines. A clown in leather fetish attire and armed with a whip might even entice you to exit your vehicle and mount the Clown Cross, upon which you are gently but firmly indoctrinated as a citizen of Black Rock City.
Welcome to Burning Man, a temporary arts community that appears and disappears each year on four square miles of a normally uninhabited desert.
Seven days demarcate the official lifespan of this self-styled alternative society, where most monetary transactions are prohibited (the exceptions being ice and coffee sales), and participation is strongly encouraged. Using the map and street signs marked with names that reflect the event’s changing theme (“Imagined” and “Dogma” for the 2003 event’s “Beyond Belief” theme, “4:20” and “Head” for 2000’s “The Body” theme), locate your campsite within the crescent-shaped grid and park your vehicle. As you anchor your tent with long metal stakes to prevent the winds from carrying off your belongings, your neighbors stop by and introduce themselves. Visit the nearest portable toilet and pack some drinking water. Memorize your camp location (near the PVC dome covered with Christmas lights and military netting and to the left of a furry reproduction of the cat-shaped bus from the Japanese animation film My Neighbor Totoro) before you explore the city. As you travel on foot, by bike, or art car towards the city center, orient your location relative to Black Rock City’s anchor, the forty-foot neon and wooden sculpture of the Man.
On this expanse of alkaline desert, which once tested the survival of emigrant expeditions, discover large and small-scale art installations, some of which depict the year’s art theme. Unlike conventional art institutions, no security guard prevents you from peering too closely. In fact, some installations invite your participation to “complete” the art—you can taste, smell, manipulate, and alter it in ways prohibited elsewhere. Chip away at a slowly melting ice ball to make a snow cone, crawl through an ammonite-spiraled maze, recline upon a bed of imported grass, listen to a band perform in a chapel made of stained glass-like mosaics of recycled plastics, and dangle from a jungle gym-like sculpture. Your fellow Black Rock City citizens—some of whom sport elaborate costumes, glittering body paint, or nothing at all—may join you in appreciating the art, give you a friendly nod or an encouraging shout, or invite you to participate in an impromptu game or party. Art cars decorated as Spanish galleons with cannon ball-ridden sails, fire-breathing dragons, and other fantastic designs occasionally lurch by and disgorge passengers. Meander among the camps that sport different themes, ranging from an elaborate recreation of Mad Max’s Thunderdome to a simple site that reunites lost film with their owners.
As the sun melts into the horizon, volunteer Lamplighters ritualistically lift kerosene lanterns to tall wooden spires, lighting the central city streets for the evening. Sleep rapidly becomes a precious commodity, as nightfall’s cooler temperature brings out performers who spin fire, thumping music, powerful lasers, and vehicles and people decorated with EL wire, or “cool” glowing neon. Saturday evening, gather at the city center for the event’s traditional highlight. As hundreds of performers spin fire and fireworks explode overhead, the Man burns. Joining in the revelry, some artists torch their installations that evening and the next, making way for another year’s preparations.
When the ashes have cooled, pack your vehicle with your trash and gear, pick up debris from your campsite, say farewell to new friends, and prepare for the dusty ride home. A tinge of depression may descend as the distance increases between you and Black Rock City, signaling your return to everyday life. But for many, Burning Man does not end with this departure.
For my doctoral dissertation, I examined how people expend significant efforts organizing this event and related activities. Among other topics, I focused on how volunteers and members gained organizing experiences and skills by working for the Black Rock City Limited Liability Company, the organization that manages Burning Man’s development.
A significant number of people are so drawn to the Burning Man experience that they recreate it on a year-round basis, albeit on a different scale. On a June evening in 2003, for instance, I squeeze into a pickup driven by Nana Kirk, a landscape architect who volunteers for Burning Man’s Playa Information, a question and answer service. Her date accompanies us. My companions giggle as they adjust their attire, which includes a prom dress “enhanced” by stuffing tissues into the bodice and a silver brocade dinner jacket that will later win a ribbon for gaudiness. We are headed to “Tacky Prom,” a benefit for the Carousel Numinous theme camp’s art project at the upcoming Burning Man event. At the entrance to a small club in Berkeley, California, we pay for our tickets and descend into the balloon-festooned recreation of a prom. The DJ spins cheesy tunes, including Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and Donna Summers’ “Ring My Bell,” that span the multiple decades represented by the prom-goers. Another friend, Burning Man Playa Information Manager Rob Oliver, shows up in hooded sweatshirt and sweats, posing as the “surfer dude” who crashes the prom. He joins us as we watch others, who sport gaudy thrift shop finds, and talk about plans for Burning Man. Most of the prom attendees had heard of this event either from a Burning Man email list or from the Squid List, an electronic distribution list of Bay area events. This is only one of the many benefits thrown by theme camps that are preparing for the upcoming Burning Man event.
The next day, I sit in Burning Man’s expansive new headquarters, a move made possible by the dot-com bust that popped San Francisco’s inflated office rental market. Steve Raspa, an artist and event planner, is chatting with other co-workers about how he would have promoted more interactivity and performances for another Burning Man volunteer’s recent event that drew several hundred to the San Francisco Opera’s warehouse. As I listen, I reflect on the factors that have generated a critical mass of these smaller local events, which rival the conventional art events sponsored by museums, art galleries, and other institutions. Burning Man-related events require intensive planning and support, often by individuals who previously did not consider themselves to be artists or organizers capable of throwing such events. A few of these individuals have even formed their own organizations to host alternative art events. What factors facilitated such a shift towards active organizing?
The First Flames
On the summer solstice of 1986, Larry Harvey, a landscaper, and Jerry James, a carpenter, constructed a small wooden sculpture of a man and brought it to a secluded San Francisco beach. Surrounded by a small gathering of friends and family, the duo lit the sculpture afire.
They continued to do so in front of growing crowds on an annual basis until 1990, when a San Francisco park official intervened with the burn. Over the next two decades, this informal, unnamed evening developed into an annual weeklong camp-out that draws increasing numbers of attendees to its new location in the Nevada Black Rock Desert. Attracted by the opportunities to construct, display, and burn outsider art and engage in round-the-clock revelry, about 30,000 or so people from around the world currently amass for the event.
Most media reports tend to emphasize the event’s more flamboyant and controversial aspects, such as the elaborate costuming, art, music, and performances, spectacular bonfires, drug and alcohol consumption, and the possible environmental damage to the federally managed site and its historic trails. Other reports note the event’s other unusual tenets, such as its demand that attendees actively participate in the building of art and community and the event’s eschewing of vending and corporate sponsorship that support other conventional events. Rather than selling or purchasing goods or services, some event attendees barter, while others give trinkets or needed objects as gifts without the expectation of reciprocation. Few reports indicate the massive scale of organizing needed to erect and disassemble the event, and even fewer reports delve into how the experience of organizing such an event has both educated and inspired event-goers to organize in their local communities.
In effect, the small bonfire on a secluded beach has sparked a social movement across the United States and other parts of the world. Attendees apply “Burning Man” skills, practices, and values to not only the event but also to everyday life. Members also engage in additional organizing activities outside of the event. In short, the Burning Man organization and its event have provided the context for acquainting members with organizing skills. For the initial Burning Man evening beach burns, organizers expended limited and informal organizational efforts. However, the almost exponential growth of the Burning Man event population and its relocation to the challenging environs of the Black Rock Desert eventually forced Harvey and others to organize formally on a year-round basis. Although the organization has a small full- and part-time staff, it depends on volunteer labor to carry out the organizational mission of creating Burning Man:
Our practical goal is to create the annual event known as Burning Man … [and] to generate an experience that encourages participants to do three things: (1) creatively express themselves, (2) fulfill an active role as members of our community, and (3) immediately respond to and protect that environment.
In fulfilling this mission, people learn that art is not necessarily restricted to the domain of a formally educated elite—the layperson can also produce, display, and consume art.
Politics and Partnerships
Organizers have also learned how to mobilize members quickly to influence the larger legal and political processes that affect the Burning Man event’s activities and future. For example, when Nevada senators proposed federal legislation in 1999 that could have affected the event’s most vulnerable resource, its access to federally managed land, Burning Man organizers successfully used email lists to mobilize constituents. Spurred by emails that described how such legislation could curtail public access to federal land and provided officials’ contact information, constituents attended local meetings with political officials and wrote letters of protest to state and federal governments. With such help from event attendees and other direct lobbying efforts, Burning Man organizers successfully negotiated a provision in the legislation that explicitly excluded the Burning Man event from restricted access.
Of course, organizers and members have learned when and how to cooperate with government officials and agencies. But they maintain Burning Man’s flavor of quirky creativity and carry principles such as environmental responsibility into everyday life. Aware that agencies must undertake responsibilities such as law enforcement and environmental protection, Burning Man members have formed joint ventures like the Earth Guardians to manage responsibilities collectively. A partnership between the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) officials and Burning Man members, the Earth Guardians have, for example, educated event attendees on “pack it in, pack it out” trash practices. The event has no formal trash collection capacities, so the Earth Guardians help to minimize post-event debris while still upholding the “radical self-reliance” ethic of the event. The Earth Guardians and other groups also introduced elevated platforms and barrels that protect the desert’s surface from burn marks, a change that exceeded the BLM’s demands. On email discussion lists, participants have shared how they imported these practices into everyday life, from cleaning up someone else’s litter to donating elaborately carved burn barrels to warm police personnel at the World Trade Center site.
By attending and volunteering for Burning Man, some people have become more conscious of their abilities to break from the status quo. Instead of passively consuming conventional entertainment or relying upon other established art institutions, members learn how to make their own art events and organizations. With the event’s replacement of monetary exchanges with a gift economy, some attendees have become more conscious of how giving voluntarily can spark unexpected connections. Molly Ditmore, for example, said she worried about how she could actively participate in her first Burning Man event. She decided to give away over 1,000 tampons, ibuprofen, and massages, bringing gratitude and gifts that lead to subsequent volunteer work and other art projects:
I strapped a copy of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret [a book by Judy Blume that depicts a girl’s experience with puberty] to my backpack, and I had a sign off my shoulders [that said] “Free Tampons” on one side and also I had “Molly’s Women’s Way Station” and I would just sit out there during the day, and I would give people massages or give them tampons or Advil or just whatever … women totally appreciated it.
… and I met a lot of really great people that way … I had people bringing me gifts the next day or bringing me ice cream or “oh my girlfriend, oh thank you so much!” … people’s reactions were just really great. I wanted to keep interacting with the community, no matter what I did.
In meeting and working alongside other persons, individuals develop and pursue new interests and skills, such as fire spinning or managing small art events. As volunteer and former self-professed “dot communist” Barney Ford notes, such learning opportunities do not exist in less well-connected networks and environments:
I think the amount that I can learn from people out at Burning Man is much more vast [than what is available at my workplace] because these people are bringing a huge resource of knowledge and skills and know-how just because they want to …
And, in a refuge that lifts institutional restrictions on who can make art, event attendees can conceive of alternative ways of sharing art and comradeship that they find more fulfilling. For example, after rainstorms melted “Shona” Guerra’s art project, an eighty-foot wide labyrinth constructed from playa mud, Guerra despaired. Like other artists who were unable to complete their art projects in the harsh desert conditions, he gave up. He went to say good-bye to the decimated labyrinth and discovered that someone else had spent hours restoring it:
… and [the labyrinth] was just literally unbelievable. And it was better than it was before! It was perfect! … I’m jumping around ecstatic, [wondering] how did this happen? …
Well, later in the day we run into our friend [from Earth Guardians] Larry Breed and [I said], “you won’t believe what happened!” And he starts crying … I knew that he had done it … He went out there and fixed it, and it was just one of the most touching and special things that has ever happened in this little life of mine.
Well, that came, as most things do, through interrelationships, through being a part of Burning Man …
By helping artists construct their projects, other event attendees become inspired to attempt their own projects. Some decide that they want to have these experiences on a more continuous basis. With the Burning Man organization’s support, some event attendees have formed regional groups in which they organize their own events and social activities, strengthening networks for year-round organizing. The New York City regional has formally organized as the Society for Experimental Art and Learning (SEAL) to raise funds to secure space in which members can meet and share art. The Austin, Texas, regional has established the Austin Artistic Reconstruction Limited Liability Company to organize their yearly event, “Burning Flipside.” Even those who have never attended the event have felt inspired to organize local events. Shelley Stallings reported to a Burning Man organizer that Alaskans have created their own version of Burning Man. In a July 1999 email newsletter, her message went out worldwide:
Last year was our first Burning Man gathering. We live on an island off the coast of British Columbia, [which is] fairly isolated and hard to get to, only [by] boat or plane … We have a small core group, 3 families, which organized the event and we invited 3 other families for a total of about 20 people. We expect it to grow some, but … we would like to keep it to a maximum of about 50 people so that we have less impact on the area and are not piled right on top of each other with our tents … we are encouraging costumes and performance this year. None of us have attended Burning Man, [we] only know of the event from the Internet …
In undertaking these local activities, participants learn how to manage volunteers and secure space and funding.
By attending an event that others might consider to be purely hedonistic or frivolous, a number of people have found not only a larger mission to enact, but also a means of sharing this mission with others through organizing. As greater numbers of people continue to experience the Burning Man event, similar organizing efforts are likely to spread, develop, and possibly even outlast the maturing Burning Man event itself. As organizer Marian Goodell claims, “If this event is going to be around for fifty years, it will only be around because we empowered people with the info about how to make it run.” Make way for the Man. Make way for his makers.
Prisoner with conscience. Ibn Kenyatta, a celebrated writer and artist, has been imprisoned since 1974 for the attempted murder of a police officer. Kenyatta maintains that he is innocent of the crime and has repeatedly and publicly refused parole since he was first eligible in 1988. This photo was taken in 1977 at the prison school of Green Haven Correctional Facility in Stormville, New York. Peter Sinclair
Freedom, Deferred, by Marguerite Kearns (February/March 2002), received the most votes of all the pieces published in our pages this year. Below we list some of the comments that we received from readers about this article.
We at In The Fray wish you a very happy New Year. We will not be publishing in January, but will see you again in February 2003.
Victor Tan Chen Editor, In The Fray Boston
Freedom, Deferred
Ibn Kenyatta is a writer and artist—and a perpetual prisoner.
February 7, 2002, and March 7, 2002 (two parts)
By Marguerite Kearns
“The Internet is a wonderful medium for providing the intentionally-overlooked news. Choosing just one to vote for is difficult but, yes, I do choose ‘Freedom, Deferred.’ I choose it because although I’m dyslexic, the writing style was so tactile that I forgot I was even reading—this is very rare for me.” —Tobias Bloyd
“I know from personal experience what the New York prison system is like—I was incarcerated for four years myself (thank God it was such a short time). And the ibn Kenyatta facts need to be known.” —Peter Sorensen
“It captures the essence of the case and addresses the pitfalls of our justice system in a compelling and readable manner. The author knows her ‘beat’ and her work serves to enlighten the readers and possibly improve our justice system.” —Yva Momatiuk
“Through her writing, Ms. Kearns helps me identify both with Mr. Kenyatta as a black human being facing the oppression of an injustice system, and also with Ms. Kearns herself as a white human being facing her own ancestors’ history as purveyors of injustice and the urge to be ‘free’ of direct or implied duplicity in the injustice system of today. In this way, she touches on illuminating parallels between Mr. Kenyatta’s refusal to cooperate with the parole system, and her own refusal to simplify her life by letting go.” —Charles Goodmacher
“I’d like to cast my vote for ‘Freedom, Deferred’ by Marguerite Kearns, an engaged and engaging piece of first-person reporting that paints an unflinching portrait of its subject (ibn Kenyatta) while offering a clear-eyed view of the corrupt, brutal, and backward nature of the correctional system that confines him. A great job.” —Mikhail Horowitz
“A talented, sensitive writer who is not afraid to get inside another point of view.” —Nichoe Lichen
“This is a great piece. I really like it. Excellent journalism.” —Stew Albert
“‘Freedom, deferred’ is a well-written, powerful, and thought-provoking piece! I felt that ibn Kenyatta’s story is one that beautifully shows the indomitability of spirit and creativity and how it can flourish in any environment! I will look forward to reading and seeing more from In The Fray.” —Les Mound
“Thank you for this great article on ibn Kenyatta. I trust that you will do all in your ability to bring pressure to bear against this injustice system that denies human dignity, and freedom to Kenyatta, political prisoners, and prisoners in general.” —Chaka
“We like this story because it is both a poignant human drama and at the same time a powerful indictment of the New York State prison system.” —John and Sheila Collins
“Her style is informative, interesting, to-the-point, and is adequately and professionally emotive without being excessive.” —A. Fuller
“The writing is clear and crisp, direct and engaging. Her topic is unique: Rarely have I heard such a courageous man stand by his principles under such pressure, except for [civil rights movement leader] Robert Williams of North Carolina. Ms. Kearns is generous to her subject while giving both sides of the parole argument. If it weren’t for her work in Inthefray, how would we have Mr. Kenyatta’s story known?” —Jane VanDeBogart
It’s a part of Oakland the kids call ‘Ghosttown.’ They give various explanations for the name: bad things happen here; the streets are vacant, without the hum of thriving businesses; the black people who walk the streets at night look like ghosts. In other words, West Oakland isn’t exactly a destination. Cars may pass through here, but they stick to the interstate freeways along the edges of the neighborhood.
The corner of 33rd and West, however, is a different story. Here, in a duplex that used to be a crack house, the Attitudinal Healing Connection has opened up shop. On any given day, this non-profit community center is a hub of activity. People are constantly going in and out of the front door for after-school art programs or around back to check on their squash in the garden.
The AHC, simply put, is a nontraditional arts center, a school where you can take classes in painting, photography, and African drumming. But it is much more than that. It is a local effort in a national movement called attitudinal healing, which seeks to help people find inner peace by changing their attitudes toward personal problems. It is the most passionate of personal crusades—one family’s effort to transform a blighted city neighborhood, one heart at a time.
Whatever optimistic energy the center exudes, it has apparently been contagious. Near the house, where bougainvillea climbs up the porch posts and young trees sprout out of recently laid sidewalk, the neighbors have been cleaning up their property, too. All this fixing of fences and planting in yards to keep up with the Joneses.
Or, the Clotteys, to be exact.
Before we came here, it was like a Third World country,” says Kokomon Clottey, who opened the AHC in this neighborhood in 1994 with his wife Aeeshah and Aeeshah’s daughter Amana Harris. He points to the house across the street. “In 1994, that house didn’t sleep. They were always drinking or selling drugs. There was always the TV, partying, friends, cars—all kinds of madness.”
A white family, the Belknaps, used to own the house. Though it had a security system and bars on the windows, people still raided the house easily, even hauling a refrigerator out the front door once. The Belknaps were desperate to sell it. They even offered to loan the Clotteys the $10,000 needed for purchase and renovation if the Clotteys would use it for their arts center and live above it. The Clotteys were hesitant at first; it didn’t help that a man was killed across the street as they were considering the deal. But finally they decided they couldn’t refuse the opportunity to get to work in a neighborhood that so needed change.
Eight years later, the Clotteys have not only survived their stay in Ghosttown, but their center has thrived and its offerings have greatly expanded. These days Oakland residents can participate in a variety of programs that include a well-known racial healing circle, an ArtEsteem after-school program for children, after-school mentoring, and personal development retreats that can be counted for credit in some educational and vocational programs. The center’s staff also visits local schools on occasion, where they put on assemblies mixing together storytelling and African drumming.
In those eight years a lot has changed in the neighborhood, too. Prostitutes used to walk the streets nearby, but after Aeeshah insisted on inviting them in to sit for a spell, no one dares to troll for business in front of the AHC. The house also hasn’t been robbed since they moved in—even though the Clotteys have forgotten to lock their doors several times. Once Aeeshah left her purse on the back step and someone brought it around the next day with the contents untouched.
Above the center’s entrance is a saying that sums up the general attitude: “Expect a miracle.”
“The center has a lot to do with pulling the community together. People go into the garden to pick fruits and vegetables. It’s much quieter now and people seem friendlier,” says Robert Ervin, who lives right behind the AHC on 33rd Street. When he moved here in 1990, Ervin says the neighborhood was “pretty raunchy,” with drug dealing and other crimes taking place in the open. But now, he says, “We’re more of a community.”
Lucille Walker, who lives two doors down from the center, plants tomatoes in the AHC’s Forgiveness Garden. Since she arrived in 1973, Walker has seen the neighborhood go through a lot of changes—but nothing, she says, like what has happened since the AHC moved in. A woman of few words, she pats Kokomon on the shoulder, saying, “Since you’ve been here, everything’s been real nice.”
The AHC is an unusually successful example of a community-based program, says Breonna Cole, a nonprofit consultant. “What makes this place very different from other nonprofits that I work with is the ethos that they work from,” she explains. “They’re not afraid to be spiritual and pull together the pieces. This is evident in the work they do, especially the racial healing circle, which seems to benefit especially white people in asking what each of us brings to the table.”
Many city officials, including Oakland Mayor Jerry Brown, have commended the center’s efforts. “The AHC’s programs have clear goals and are open to all Oaklanders,” Brown writes in an endorsement letter. “Their approach is innovative and their programs are sorely needed in the communities they serve.”
A Course in Miracles
I visit on one summer afternoon, to check out for myself exactly what’s so “innovative” about the center. Kokomon takes me around back. “We don’t put a padlock on this gate,” he says as he leads me into the Forgiveness Garden. “We want people to feel welcome and to come help us.” It’s clear, by the look of the place, that the people are coming. Tomatoes, squash, and peppers sprout everywhere. Children have painted portraits of heroes such as Mahatma Gandhi and Congresswoman Barbara Lee on stacks of tires.
As we sit down on chairs built by the East Bay Conservation Corps, Kokomon explains the nontraditional mental health principles behind the work that he, Aeeshah, Amana, and their volunteers do. There are twelve principles of attitudinal healing, he explains, that flow from a book by Helen Shucman, A Course in Miracles, as well as psychiatric research by Jerry Jampolsky. Almost three decades ago, Jampolsky found that children with catastrophic illnesses improved when they changed their mental outlook. Attitudinal healers believe that we are not only responsible for our thoughts, but also for the feelings we experience. Our pain stems from our own thoughts, guilt, and judgments about people, experiences, and events. By exploring these feelings, and coming to terms with them, we can eventually heal them and find inner peace.
“It’s easy to point a finger and say B did that to me. But if you hold onto this, you don’t feel good. You won’t feel well. You have to be responsible for your thoughts and your own feelings,” Kokomon says.
The Clotteys’ contribution has been to take this specific message of love, forgiveness, and the need to let go of fear, and to apply it to the problem of racial healing. “It’s easy to say, ‘Hey, I’m poor,'” Kokomon says. “What are you going to do about poverty? Yes, the government did this to you, but are you going to sit there and let the government put madness on you the rest of your life? If you eat food that is not good for you, it will make you sick. You are responsible.”
Kokomon and Aeeshah make shared stories the cornerstone of the monthly racial healing circles. “Many times we don’t know each others’ stories because we’re afraid of being the recipient of fear, rage, guilt, or shame,” Aeeshah says. Because conversations on race can be incendiary, she believes we must start racial dialogue by connecting all the people in the room through a common ritual. This is the reason that the Clotteys begin their circles with drumming and a reading of ground rules of respect.
“That puts us all on the same page, with the same rhythm,” Aeeshah explains. Adjusting everyone’s sense of rhythm—which affects not just the way you keep a musical beat, but also the way you talk and walk—is important to creating an expressive, honest atmosphere, the Clotteys believe. It brings all of the participants into the space of the room from the various places they have come from and untangles them from their everyday uncertainties—what Kokomon calls the “tapestry of madness and fear.” As he explains: “When we’re in trouble, our rhythm changes. Mindful drumming is about letting go of stress and putting the body, mind, and spirit in alignment. Then, we are really ready.”
This basic work of talking, listening, and (literally) harmonizing with each other, the Clotteys believe, can ultimately heal racism. “You can’t legislate people learning to accept each other,” says Aeeshah. “That requires heart work.”
“We define racism as a life-threatening disease,” Kokomon says emphatically. “It’s killing people. We don’t want to wait until people are dying, but try to take a different angle, with prevention. This is for the people who are living so they don’t get to that point.”
According to Kokomon, committed participants of their racial healing circles have made lasting changes in their lives. White people especially respond to the circles, often working out guilt about their privileged pasts. In their book Beyond Fear, Aeeshah and Kokomon recount the story of Gerd, a German-born engineer who spent many years in Liberia. As he was mourning his status as a childless and single older man, he woke up to the realization that he had fathered a mixed-race daughter in Liberia whom he had turned his back on, more than three decades earlier. “Now, all I have of her are two pictures and three strings of beads—a very personal souvenir of her mother and a whole new way of hearing the country song ‘I’m in love with you, baby, and I don’t even know your name,'” Gerd says in the book. He started searching for his daughter, putting together a computer picture of what she would have looked like at thirty-four years of age. To the Clotteys, Gerd’s story shows the timelessness of all things and the need to face the past to move on into the future. They write: “He spoke of learning more about love and forgiveness in the last few months than in the previous fifty-eight years of his life. He is now actively involved in human rights work in Liberia, with the understanding that Africa is a deeply personal matter for everyone and that every human being is someone else’s daughter or son and deserves love, attention, and respect.”
Though Aeeshah and Kokomon insist their methods have achieved tangible results, it’s also easy to see how people might respond to their unconventional beliefs with skepticism. I raise my doubts with Kokomon at one point. “Spacey? People think it’s more than spacey,” he says. “They often think it’s a cult.” He laughs; it’s hard to think of Kokomon Clottey as an evangelical zealot. Even though he and Aeeshah and Amana live by these twelve principles and hope others will live by them, too, they say their work isn’t about indoctrination. “There’s a difference between being spiritual and being religious or dogmatic,” Kokomon says. “If you’re dogmatic you separate people. We’re nonpolitical and include everyone and everybody.” In his view, the principles of attitudinal healing are nothing more than ground rules for human decency in people’s everyday lives. “We just want to give them tools to improve their life. That might just be planting tomatoes in the garden.”
Amana sees their outside-the-box thinking as an advantage in these times. “Traditional methods and standard thinking are not working for our kids. They’re not living in standard homes. The question is how we support children for these conditions,” she says.
Once they get to know what really goes on at the center, parents seem to support the Clotteys’ methods. Anthony Hall said he hesitated before sending his eight-year-old daughter Kenya to the AHC because he worried that its nontraditional principles had something to do with cult-like behavior. But he eventually came around. “The AHC’s principles are humanistic. They don’t contradict our Christianity,” he says.
Interestingly, both Aeeshah and Kokomon grew up in Christian households—Aeeshah in small-town Louisiana and Kokomon in Gamashie, Ghana. It took them time to come around to attitudinal healing. Aeeshah’s early frustration with the racism she felt as a student at the University of California at Berkeley led her to the Nation of Islam in her search for racial uplift and support. But after seven years with that black nationalist group, she wasn’t sure she had found the answers to her questions. “I had an enormous amount of love in my heart,” she writes in Beyond Fear. “However, it was only shared with a portion of people on earth, and I added to my confusion by teaching this lesson to others. I taught love and fear.” Then Aeeshah attended a seminar where she was introduced to Helen Shucman’s book, A Course in Miracles. She suddenly felt as if she had found her spiritual path. She headed next to Tiburon, California, to meet with psychiatric researcher Jerry Jampolsky, and decided then that she was going to begin a new line of work.
Aeeshah introduced Kokomon to the ideas of attitudinal healing in 1990, as the two of them were collaborating on a tape of spiritual poetry set to African drumming. Kokomon, who was born in Gamashie as a member of the Ga-Adabe people and came to America as a musician in 1977, soon found that the principles of attitudinal healing resonated with the experiences of his own life—in particular his encounters with American racism. He brings all his talents to his work at the center, weaving the principles of attitudinal healing into what he has learned as a medicine man, modern interpreter of the Ga-Adabe’s wisdom and rituals, and master drummer.
Right now, the AHC keeps going through the full-time efforts of Kokomon, Amana, and several dedicated volunteers. Aeeshah’s salary as an assistant program director at Casa de la Vida, a residential psychiatric treatment center in Oakland, forms the basis of the center’s $100,000 annual budget. The AHC also receives substantial supplemental grants and some local contributions, but is still actively looking for other sources of income to expand their programs and their staffing.
Building a Better Oakland, One Popsicle Stick at a Time
In their version of West Oakland, the fish market is in-between the fire station and the senior living facility. A movie theater, bowling alley, pet store, and farm are near the AHC. Hoover Elementary School is on the next block, near the community garden, toy store, clothing shop, and arcade.
It’s a Friday afternoon, and I’m sitting in on a session of ArtEsteem, one of the AHC’s after-school programs. The twenty kids in attendance are busy building a community—one made from popsicle sticks, foam, paint, bits of wire mesh, and glue. These 3-D models are the culmination of fifteen weeks of learning about Oakland’s government, settlement history, sewage and water systems, demographics, and regional ecology under the guidance of ArtEsteem’s director, Amana Harris.
As part of their latest project, the children conducted videotape interviews with local residents, including a social worker, the owner of the liquor store on the corner, and a former drug dealer. After color-coding plots of West Oakland “beautiful,” “ugly,” or “interesting,” the kids decided what to keep, eliminate, or transform. It’s about allowing these kids to dream about a better life in the here and now, explains Kokomon. “We ask, ‘What do you want to do?’ now and plant the seeds. ‘Do you want to be a lawyer? Well, what does it take to be a lawyer? Work on it.'”
Even this little bit of daydreaming can be quite a luxury on the tough streets of Oakland. The city has already seen eighty-four murders this year; in 2001, there were eighty-seven murders. Drugs, prison, and materialism—and music that worships these things—are pervasive in children’s lives here. “The guys want to go to jail even if they’re from decent families,” Amana says. “Here, skills for boys are being able to count money, counting how many crack rocks you have, and standing on your feet for a long time.” While boys are running in the streets learning to be drug dealers, girls are shouldering the burdens of teen pregnancy.
“There are so many forces here that set kids up to fail,” Amana says. “It’s not like school gets closed down if there’s a shooting. Nobody’s really protected.”
That grim reality is all too clear to ten-year-old Tyrese Johnson. “People are already starting to do doughnuts,” says Tyrese, a veteran of the ArtEsteem program. “And there was a shooting near my school a year ago. I didn’t really want to walk home. I was afraid they’d start shooting again.”
Through painting, photography, and other creative outlets for their energies, ArtEsteem seeks to soothe the fears that afflict kids like Tyrese. “This climate is full of conflict,” says Amana. “It’s at school. They bring it over here. But we’re teaching them how to perceive negativity so it doesn’t penetrate them deeply.”
Program graduate Kamilah Craword says ArtEsteem changed her life. When she started attending sessions back in middle school, she had an “attitude” in class. “I was talking back, not doing what I was supposed to … I put all my negative energy on everybody in the class,” she wrote in one of the center’s newsletters. ArtEsteem helped Kamilah to get “back on track.” Now, rather than taking to the streets or sitting at home bored, she volunteers at the center almost every day. She helps Amana run ArtEsteem as the organization’s secretary, and swears by its effectiveness. “If this program wasn’t here I wonder where the kids would be right now. Would they be in jail? Would they be on drugs?”
Tyrese knows what he would be doing: “I’d be sitting at home, looking at the TV, getting fat. Or maybe riding around skating and stuff. But nothing artistic like this.” He gets very excited when talking about his favorite project, the kids’ larger-than-life portrait of themselves as superheroes saving West Oakland. “Super T,” he explains, has laser vision, super-strength, and, most importantly, “the power to change people’s minds, to make bad people good.” You could say that ArtsEsteem has had a similar effect on Tyrese. “I used to litter, but I don’t do it anymore,” he points out.
Breonna Cole, the nonprofit consultant, praises the AHC’s use of art to change children’s attitudes. The center, she says, has become a “place of last resort” for students who have been neglected by the school system. “The schools have no money or resources to invest in the kids,” she says. “The critical issue in Oakland public schools is that we have violence in schools and a disastrous lack of art.”
Parents also respond favorably to the program. Oakland resident and parent Anthony Hall says he particularly appreciates how ArtEsteem grounds art in the community, connecting the children to a larger sense of what it means to live in Oakland. “Here, the kids also develop friendships and relationships with other kids who are not going to the same school. They get to share common interests,” Hall says.
Kids who come to the program are sometimes labeled as troublemakers by their schools. Amana prefers to see them as “incredibly neglected, but full of love.” She has had to deal with so-called “kings of conflict” many times over the years, and under her close care, problem children often calm down and end up having perfect attendance. She remembers one boy who started out belligerent and, after she worked to win his trust, eventually confided in her, telling her in a note: “I need help.” But he later turned out to be too much for even Amana to handle. This boy’s defense mechanism, as she puts it, was “to be as offensive as can be,” and he would constantly antagonize the other kids. In the interest of keeping the program’s atmosphere as positive as possible, Amana had to expel him.
Amana herself grew up several blocks from where the AHC now has its office, and she still lives in the neighborhood with her husband and her daughter Sabah. The curriculum she is developing for ArtEsteem is part of her graduate work in multicultural education at the University of San Francisco’s Center for Teaching Excellence and Social Justice. Amana says she began working at the AHC because she wanted to put her art school degree and teaching background to work for the community. Her belief is that a program like ArtEsteem can help combat the negativity that she says is swallowing up young people.
At the end of each ArtEsteem class, Amana and the children join hands in a circle and observe a moment of silence. Then Amana leads the kids in their daily refrain: “We are a community. We support one another. We are willing to listen and learn and absorb all goodness as we breathe.” At the end of the circle, she asks, “Okay, who’s mature enough for extra responsibility?” If all goes well, everybody.
Skin on Skin
For an hour, no one in our circle of ten spoke. Kokomon’s hands kept moving, weaving in and out of different rhythms, leading us in the weekly Mindful Drumming session. Sometimes our fingers beat the skin of the handmade drums at a feverish pace; sometimes our palms just brushed the surfaces. We were a motley bunch—Latino construction workers seated alongside white and Asian American professionals, gay men jamming with straight women—but we were all keeping time together.
This was my first taste of the AHC’s programming. Much of the power of the center’s curriculum comes from the experience of the activities since, as one participant explained, they don’t aim at the head so much as the gut. So I wanted to make sure I’d taken part in at least one activity.
I was hesitant at first—mostly because I hadn’t ever participated in a drumming circle. But it turned out to be surprisingly easy—or perhaps surprisingly welcoming. There was a clarity to my thoughts as my hands drummed away. The action seemed to work out any nervousness or fatigue. I worried that my drumming sounded different from everyone else’s, but I came to appreciate that this was as it should be. Every set of hands produced a different sound; but we could be one orchestra, sharing one score. I noticed how individual each one of our hands were, yet they were made out of the same gristle and bone and had the same purpose. Hands make and remake constantly, in this way telling others that we exist. Wherever we had come from, whatever our story was, in this room, this evening, there was the fact of skin on skin.
I admit I had been skeptical about how much could be accomplished by sitting around a room beating on animal hide. But then I saw for myself the powerful effect that participating in a common activity and creating something collectively could have on people. After the drumming had ended, we sat in our circle and talked. People very openly shared how their weeks had gone. No one rolled their eyes, but listened with sincerity and patience. An hour of nonverbal expression had suddenly made the mouth and language seem like miraculous things.
Nothing shifted cataclysmically that night, but it seemed very possible that, if people kept coming, longtime frustrations could be vented, priorities reoriented, and habits changed. It seemed very possible that the Clotteys’ vision could come true. I felt much calmer leaving their house than when I had walked in. And stepping outside, I noticed the streets were also calm. A feeling of warmth and goodwill was palpable in the air.
In the distance, cars whizzed by on the freeways. Had their drivers stopped for a second to look toward West Oakland, they’d have seen that one street corner, 33rd and West, shone particularly bright.
take heart. don’t be fool’d.
don’t seek after the seemin’ly easy
way out.
being onese’f is conscious hard
work. life is still gooddd.
Even tho there are people who
try to make thangs awfully bad.
but after the deluge, the sun
always shines.
and trouble, lahk water,
also moves on.
—ibn Kenyatta
The prison system of the State of New York has a website entitled Inmate Population Information Search.” By entering the name ibn Kenyatta, I can confirm that he resides at Fishkill Correctional Facility in Beacon, New York, that his prison number is “74A3701,” and that he was born on November 1, 1945. I can confirm that he’s black and that he was convicted of attempted murder in 1974.
If I were to add to the state’s database, I would say that ibn Kenyatta is one of the few prisoners in the United States who repeatedly and publicly refuse parole. I would add that he’s also a writer whose essays and poetry have been published in several anthologies and Harper’s Magazine. He has won a PEN prize for prison writing. His charcoal and pencil works have won acclaim at exhibitions in New York State. He renamed himself years before his incarceration, for African revolutionary leader Jomo Kenyatta and the Rev. Charles Kenyatta, the Harlem street orator. He met his fiancée, Safiya Bandele, in 1969. She has visited him throughout his incarceration.
Yet this broad sweep of facts barely addresses the complexity of the man, nor the standoff that has developed between the State of New York and a single prisoner. His continued parole refusals come at a time when state governments across the nation have enacted stringent get-tough policies to keep inmates behind bars longer and reduce or even eliminate parole. Kenyatta’s message has become perplexing to some and incomprehensible to others.
On January 29, 1974, Kenyatta jumped a New York City subway turnstile and soon found himself in a fight with a transit police officer. It was a time of great hostility between African Americans and the city’s police force, and for what easily could have been a matter of assault—both the officer and Kenyatta were slightly injured—Kenyatta was charged, and convicted, of attempted murder. Ever since then, Kenyatta has been protesting his conviction, maintaining that the officer attacked first and he only fought back in self-defense. He has been eligible for parole since January 24, 1988, and has nearly twice served the fifteen-year minimum of his fifteen-to-life sentence. But he has repeatedly refused to attend parole hearings and makes it clear that he is outright refusing to deal with any aspect of the parole system.
Few understand why Kenyatta refuses parole. Some suggest he must be mentally unbalanced. Kenyatta counters that he is compelled to take this stand because he is innocent of the crime for which he was convicted. To accept parole carries an inherent admission of guilt, Kenyatta says; the only way he will leave prison is unconditionally, with no admission of guilt. (Such a response by a prisoner is “rare,” says New York State Parole Spokesman Tom Grant, who adds that parole commissioners do not determine innocence or guilt—they assume that the inmate has already been found guilty.)
Kenyatta’s protest has brought him close to death. The New York State prisoner database doesn’t mention that Kenyatta won more than a million dollars in a suit against the State of New York’s Department of Correctional Services in 2001, for the state’s medical “failure to treat.” In December of 1994, Kenyatta developed a bladder infection, which went untreated and progressed to renal failure. He was hospitalized, and is permanently disabled. He must self-catheterize several times each day. Two-thirds of the settlement monies are established in a trust for his medical care following his release from prison. If he dies in prison, the state saves a considerable amount of money.
In November of 2002, ibn Kenyatta is scheduled to once again appear before the state parole board. Although he will again refuse to appear, the parole board will act as if he stood before them and the commissioners are again expected to render their parole decision: “Parole denied due to the nature of the crime.” The board will likely give the date for his next parole board appearance as November 2004. (Even if he decided to request parole at his hearing this November, the answer might well be the same. Under the Pataki administration, lifers or those convicted of violent crimes are routinely denied parole. But had Kenyatta requested parole in 1988, when he was first eligible—and when Mario Cuomo was governor—he would have had a better chance of obtaining it.)
Like many of Kenyatta’s friends, I sometimes held his parole refusal position at arm’s length. I didn’t fully understand why anyone would choose to remain confined when he merely had to tell parole officials what they wanted to hear. This was precisely the point, Kenyatta would explain. In his view, a social system like parole rewards dishonesty and crushes the individual expression of integrity. He chose parole refusal, not merely to make a point about his own case, but also to raise broader social issues.
Today, the situation remains at a standstill. Now and again attention is paid–there was an article in the Village Voice in the 1990s, and two documentaries have told Kenyatta and Bandele’s story. Money from the court settlement will be used to establish a production company, which will showcase Kenyatta’s art and writing.
Last year Kenyatta and Bandele worked closely to draft a will. They contacted me to request that I serve as literary executor if he were to die in prison.
Over the years that Kenyatta has fought his one-man battle, the New York State prison system has only grown, locking more people up and holding them for ever longer sentences. The total number of prisoners in New York State is 70,000 and climbing. When I first met ibn Kenyatta in Green Haven prison twenty-five years ago, he was one of only 15,000.
Kenyatta’s Kind of Crazy
How’d you hear about the Communications Workshop?” I asked the tall, thin man behind me, sitting apart from the group. He shifted in his seat and stared out the window beyond me for a second before focusing on my question.
It was spring of 1977. I was teaching communication skills in the prison school at Green Haven Correctional Facility in Stormville, New York, an adjunct to my job as a reporter and editor at the Woodstock Times, a community weekly in the Hudson Valley. On most Fridays we worked on projects—this day it was the prison newspaper.
Every week at least a half-dozen new prisoners visited to consider participation. This man was one of this week’s newcomers. He seemed different from the rest. Most other prisoners who participated in the prison workshop wore bright or colorful shirts with their green state pants. This inmate had the regulation prison white shirt and a full Afro haircut packed close to his head. His eyes shifted away from me, toward the door, as if prepared to bolt at any second.
“I’m someone who checks out these prison programs to see if they’re any good,” the prisoner replied.
“But who are you?” I asked.
“Ah black man,” he replied.
“I know,” I told him, swallowing hard.
“You don’t know,” he answered firmly.
I couldn’t figure out where to take the conversation next, so I also glanced out the window. There wasn’t much in the immediate vicinity that wasn’t institution gray.
“My name’s Kenyatta,” the prisoner finally admitted. “I’m here at Green Haven on the road through life. Most recently by way of Attica.” Any mention of the prison at Attica back then inevitably drew a hush over the room. The notorious rebellion there in 1971 claimed forty-three lives and was in large part responsible for the fact that programs like the communications workshop existed in Green Haven’s prison school. The post-Attica era was an era of hope, grounded in an optimistic vision that crime stemmed from social conditions and “rehabilitation” was not only possible, but it had never been given a decent chance.
But the relaxation of discipline at Green Haven after the Attica rebellion had other, less positive consequences. Approximately 80 percent of the prison’s correctional officers had less than two years of on-the-job experience. Morale was low. The institution was believed to be unstable on both sides of the bars. The state transferred almost as many prisoners into Green Haven back then as it transferred them out to prison facilities around the state. Kenyatta’s transfer to Green Haven was part of this policy.
I spoke to this visiting prisoner about the work of the Communications Workshop, just enough so I didn’t feel as awkward as before. Then, almost in passing, I added, “I live in Woodstock.”
“I suspected you’se were nuts,” he replied.
I raised my eyebrows. “It depends on your perspective, I guess,” I replied. He wasn’t the first person to confuse the town of Woodstock, in Ulster County across the Hudson River from Green Haven, with the 1969 music festival. I wasn’t in a mood for explanations, so I gathered up my papers and attempted to move on to the next activity.
“You know what I mean,” Kenyatta said. “My kinda crazy. You’re crazy, and I’m off the wall to be here at Green Haven after Attica.”
I would discover later that this man always said precisely what was on his mind, without hesitation.
“You’re just learnin about the whys and wherefores of these cagelands. You’ll find out,” he went on.
“Was Attica different?” I asked.
“Are you for real?” Kenyatta responded, as if peering at me from behind a wall. It was as if he used a pair of invisible binoculars and occasionally he squinted to adjust the focus.
“I’m asking you about prisons because I want to know. Be patient. I’m relatively new behind these walls.” It was true. I was young. But it was the innocence and idealism of my youth that helped me get beyond my insecurity about being a white person in a room filled with brown and black faces.
“I’m not tellin you anything when I say all state joints are breedin grounds for rebellion. All them big jails got Orange Crush teams—two-legged mutts wearin orange suits, plastic masks, carryin clubs and guns, with four-legged dogs on leashes, all the time invadin the prisons—tearin up shit. Beatin and terrorizin prisoners.”
I’d seen them and smelled fear in the air on several occasions as the CERT squads rolled through Green Haven’s hallways. Many prisoners called them “goon squads.”
“Is Green Haven an improvement?” I asked.
“This place blew me away. Attica is/was racist, so somethin was always happenin. Green Haven is somethin else entirely. Wide open. Wild. Uptown Saturday night. Riker’s Island moved upstate. I could hardly b’lieve my eyes and ears with all the bedlam and excesses I found my first few weeks here. After Attica, I wasn’t prepared for the madness of ‘The Hav’.”
“Are you saying it’s a pleasant place to be?”
“That’s not what I’m sayin.”
“How long have you been here?”
“Since last September.”
“So tell me more about Attica,” I continued, my reporter nature getting the best of me.
“Uptight. Low-down. I was in D-Block—you know. The infamous D-Block of the Attica massacre. Good thing I got there four years after it was over, or I’d probably be dead now. Didn’t have an easy time at Attica. Just came off ah protest strike right before my transfer to Green Haven. Supportin the ‘good time’ bill in the legislature and airin a list of grievances. The joint was always being locked down for three days to ah week or more for shakedowns so the Orange Crush could come in and search n destroy. We’d wake up at 2:30 a.m. with the sounds of all hell breakin loose.”
“Glad you’re here, huh?”
“This may sound peculiar, but I didn’t wanna leave Attica.”
I’d heard this perspective before. Many prisoners believed the predictability of institutions such as Attica were preferable to the loose-one-day, tight-the-next, unpredictability of Green Haven.
“There’s good programs here at Green Haven, despite the disorganization,” Kenyatta added. He explained that prior to Attica, prisoners were never allowed to design, organize, and teach themselves anything, let alone something with the radical potential of communication.
“You probably can’t see it as clear as I can, since you haven’t been locked up as long as the rest of us,” Kenyatta noted, and then he smiled. As Kenyatta spoke, he had moved his chair closer toward mine. I didn’t notice it at first. Increments of a half-inch bridged the distance until he faced me directly and spoke as if we were the only people in the room. He lowered his voice and its tone became more intense.
“You know and I know the Haven is the hub for most of the political action goin down by prisoners all over the state. So there’s overwhelmin negative activities and tremendously positive elements counteractin in ways that give this place a wild, political, unique flavor.”
“Sounds to me like you’re the nutty one for wanting to stay at Attica.”
“It took me forever, but I finally got my respect there. I established myse’f as not being their average inmate. It ain’t easy startin over—dancin from the bars into one fantasy dream or another.
“Check out the relative freedom at Green Haven compared to Attica,” he noted. “There, all movement is rigidly controlled. Here, there aren’t many gates in the corridors. The heavy gate is where y’all enter the prison to git to the blocks and where we go for the visits—A and B Corridors. When I got here, I’d leave E-Block and carry on all over Green Haven without being stopped or challenged by a guard, and ah lotta times I didn’t even have to show ah pass at the electric gate by the package room. I’d just appear, and the guard would buzz me in one side. I’d go into the package room area, come back out, and be buzzed through the gate to the other side and return to E-Block. I often got ‘lost,’ kinda, during my first week or two here.”
“Freedom is relative, isn’t it? Still feelin’ lost?”
“I’m a runnin man. Runnin from this and that. You’re runnin too. I can tell.”
Of course, he was right.
One Jumped Turnstile, Two Trials, and Many Long Years
When you spend time inside a prison, you quickly discover that it’s not polite to ask directly about a prisoner’s crimes. Kenyatta wasn’t shy in this regard, however, and anyone who demonstrated even a vague interest would hear about not only the crime that landed him behind bars, but also his views about race and social policy in the United States.
In 1974, ibn Kenyatta was twenty-eight, a young man steeped in the Black Power movement. He was determined to share the plight of African Americans with the world, and so he became a writer, working odd jobs in New York to support himself. At the time of his arrest, he had produced thousands of pages of an autobiography in addition to essays on “The Black Condition” and a volume of poetry entitled Requiem for a Black Dog.
There were no telling indicators that this particular young man might end up in state prison. Then, on January 24, 1974, he slipped through a New York City subway turnstile without paying the 35-cent fare. A transit police officer approached Kenyatta, who said he had paid the fare. In the argument that ensued, the officer grabbed Kenyatta’s arm and they fought. Kenyatta was unarmed. He claims the officer beat and shot him, after which Kenyatta took one of the officer’s guns and returned fire.
The scuffle and shootout left the transit officer and Kenyatta with minor injuries. (A scar is still visible today on Kenyatta’s forehead where the officer hit him with a billy club.) Interestingly, the arresting officer who booked Kenyatta wrote down “assault.” But the charge was later ratcheted up to attempted murder: It was the seventies, and the country’s law enforcement establishment, decrying the “war on cops,” was out for blood.
Kenyatta chose not to participate in the criminal proceedings right from the start, convinced the trial would be stacked against him. When the judge insisted he appear in the courtroom, he arrived wearing pajamas. He told the judge, “This is a hypocritical, racist, corrupt, and unjust system that has endured nothing but misabusing and misusing the people of this country.” He refused to give authorities any information about himself except his name, ibn Kenyatta, which could not be confirmed since he had chosen it years earlier.
The first trial ended in a hung jury. Kenyatta’s legal counsel was of the opinion that the second trial’s jurors wouldn’t have been able to agree if the judge had not insisted they continue deliberations. The trial transcript suggests some members of the jury believed the charge of attempted murder was too harsh, and that a lesser charge of assault would have been more appropriate. Kenyatta was sentenced to twenty-one years to life for the attempted murder of a law enforcement officer. Years later on appeal, a judge reduced the sentence to fifteen years to life, as the defendant had not been in trouble previously with the law.
History, Herstory
When ibn Kenyatta introduced me to his “woman friend” Safiya Bandele in the visiting room that summer of 1977, it was like most everything I have come to know about the pair—utterly unpredictable. When the tall, beautiful woman rose from her chair and embraced me, I was stunned. I’d never witnessed a black woman embracing a white woman behind Green Haven’s thirty-foot walls. They called me “Sister,” and over the years their letters to me have always been addressed to “Sister Marguerite.”
Here are the facts on Safiya Bandele: She and Kenyatta met in 1969. She coordinated his defense committee for his two trials. Today, she is director of the Women’s Center at Medgar Evers College in Brooklyn. She is well-respected in New York City as a community activist, an advocate for women’s issues, and frequent commentator on the criminal justice system. She and Kenyatta are now planning to marry.
Through visits and letters, I learned even more about this extraordinary couple. Kenyatta was born in rural Alabama in the countryside outside Mobile, one of eleven children born to Emma Lee. He never knew his father, and never heard him referenced. He was named “Class Artist” when he graduated from high school. Shortly after, his mother died, and Kenyatta joined his older sister and her family in Harlem. He began to write and seriously study African American history. He was living with his high school sweetheart when he met Bandele.
Over the years I also told Safiya and Kenyatta about myself. I was active in the civil rights movement of the 1960s, and earned my badge of honor—an arrest record—at demonstrations. An eleventh-generation American from Philadelphia, I have Quaker ancestors on both sides of my family who served as conductors on the Underground Railroad. For a good part of my life, I lived under the assumption that my hands were clean of any stain of slavery.
Then, when I was researching my genealogy in the 1980s, I came across an inventory from the early 1700s, which listed the possessions of one of my ancestors after death. Listed along with farm livestock, tools, and other possessions was “one negro man.” It seems that even among the Quakers—a group that would later play a vital role in the abolitionist movement—there were some who held slaves.
I told ibn Kenyatta about this in a letter. He was surprisingly lighthearted about my discovery, suggesting that he might be the living spirit of this “one negro man,” who in my life would personally represent the issues of the African American experience in these United States.
By then, I was used to unexpected twists and turns in the story of ibn Kenyatta and Safiya Bandele. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when Kenyatta first told me that he had decided to refuse parole.
The Right of Refusal
New York state prisoner ibn Kenyatta has served time under three governors—Hugh Carey, Mario Cuomo, and George Pataki. For nearly three decades, he has been a witness to their legacies as writ in the state prison system. Kenyatta has seen the total number of prisoners in New York state grow from 15,000 to over 70,000. He has watched as new get tough” policies reverberated through the prison system. Fixed sentences, rarely invoked compassionate release laws, and a mandate to grant parole only sparingly mean that, though crime in the state has dropped dramatically, prison population growth has more than made up for the decline in new recruits. That means more prisoners are dying behind bars than ever before.
Also while Kenyatta was behind bars, prisons became big business in New York. In 1988, the state spent twice as much on higher education than on prisons. In 1999, prisons came out $100 million ahead. Some critics of the state’s “prison industrial complex” fear that, as a key component of the state’s economy, prison bloat has come to stay. Others even suggest that the state’s criminal justice policies encourage populous prisons for other reasons—like the thousands of jobs busy facilities bring to economically depressed areas. The inmates of the Mid-Hudson Valley’s “prison belt,” say critics, lie perilously close to the surface of the region’s economy and the awareness of any who care to look closely.
Kenyatta simply doesn’t fit into the current scenario. He has refused parole since he became eligible in 1988, as he will not accept the assumption of guilt that accompanies it. At a time when inmates are far more likely to protest the rarity with which the state parole board releases prisoners, Kenyatta flatly refuses a privilege for which many are fighting. His message of parole refusal is one few people—fellow prisoners and parole officials alike—want to hear. And his protest has been largely drowned out by the persistent drumbeat of political rhetoric that grows louder as the prisons grow larger.
Though Kenyatta, who is fifty-six, keeps a low profile at Fishkill Correctional Facility in Beacon, New York, his writings and art work shake the perspectives of many who encounter him. And both supporters and detractors recognize one basic fact about the man, even if they don’t agree with him. He is standing up for what he believes is right. He has chosen to label himself a “U.S. Constitution Slave,” in reference to the Thirteenth Amendment: “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.”
Kenyatta believes imprisonment is slavery redefined for the twenty-first century. In its latest American incarnation, he says, slavery has manifested as the highest incarceration rate on Earth. The United States boasts 5 percent of the planet’s population and one-quarter of its prisoners. Many young people of color are given an unacceptable choice: a lifetime of poverty, or a lifetime of crime (with prison a likely outcome). He refers to correctional facilities as “Prison Plantations.” And these plantations, he says, are “no longer just black and no longer just male.” There are also “whites, Latinos, blacks, women, children, old people, all of them locked up.”
For Kenyatta, parole requires an act of ultimate submission: the admission of guilt. Kenyatta maintains that he is not guilty of attempting to murder a law enforcement officer in 1974. He insists that he acted in self-defense. He accepts the possibility that continuing to deny any guilt may mean dying in prison. Several years ago, it almost did. His brush with substandard prison healthcare in 1994 won him more than $1 million in damages, and permanent disability.
Even death in prison is a divisive subject in New York. Despite the existence of a compassionate release program, the death rate in the state’s prisons is much higher than that of most other states. Between 1992 and 1998, only 215 of more than 2,000 who died in custody were released for medical reasons, suggesting that these laws are not invoked as often as they could be. Critics assert that medical parole remains a political, not humanitarian, issue.
Parole of any sort is first and foremost a moral issue for Kenyatta. “Some people would try and convince me it’s in my best interest to say I’m guilty when I’m not and accept parole,” he writes. “But getting out in the streets is not freedom to me. My burden is that of being black. And when I thought of the fact we are born dying, it hurt me for such a long time. I felt betrayed. But there is no escape. We’re not going to live but for so long and I’ve come to terms with this. I’ve realized my life and death can be used in the service of making a point about life in general and specifically about life here on the Prison Plantation. I love life, but everyone I know dies. I won’t be an exception to the rule, but I have a choice. Yes, my journey is perilous. But I’m on loan to the struggle. It’s my destiny to dance this particular dance.”
Relatively few have heard about this prisoner’s unusual stance. He has been dismissed as unrealistic, a dreamer, a self-appointed martyr marching to the beat of a different drummer. Responds Kenyatta: “Maybe that’s true, but I like the drummer I hear. We’re in tune and have perfect rhythm. If others don’t hear my drummer, at least maybe they can hear their own.”
His Life, and His Life Sentence
It was late afternoon when I laid my head to rest against the seat on the train headed toward New York’s Grand Central Station. I’d just spent six hours with Kenyatta, on my first visit in years. It was mid-February of 2002, twenty-five years after I first met Kenyatta at Green Haven’s prison school, and his fiancée, Safiya Bandele, shortly thereafter. The sun was setting over the Hudson as I reviewed not only the day but also the long years of knowing Kenyatta and Bandele. I had witnessed their struggle from afar, and here I was back again, passing through the Hudson Valley landscape I’d loved but hadn’t enjoyed like this for years, rolling on the rails south to the city.
Bare trees streaked by the train window as I was carried past marinas, warehouses, and people waiting at stations. Back at the prison, time had stood still. Even Kenyatta appeared in a perpetual state of waiting.
When Kenyatta first told me about his decision to refuse parole, I knew better than to argue. It was his life, and his life sentence, after all. I said something like, “I suppose you know what you’re doing.” Soon thereafter, I recall remarking in jest to a friend that Kenyatta had the most unusual freedom committee requirements I’d ever encountered. There were no letters to write in support of his release from prison, no public officials to convince. My participation was simple. I didn’t have to do a thing.
In 1988, when Kenyatta was first eligible for supervised freedom, he made it clear he wasn’t interested in cooperating, stating his intent to the parole board chairman. Kenyatta wished to be unconditionally released to the African American community in New York, from whence he came and to which he intended to return and make a significant contribution. He made it clear that he would leave prison on his terms, not theirs.
Then came the year from hell, 1994. Kenyatta fell ill. At the same time, he was scheduled to appear before the parole board, and had declined to cooperate. A guard cited him for refusing a direct order to leave the cellblock and report to the parole board. Kenyatta argued that parole was a privilege and therefore not mandatory, but that didn’t prevent him from spending two days in solitary confinement—a.k.a “the box,” “the hole,” or “segregation.” Bandele and a group of close friends in New York bombarded the warden’s office with phone calls. Kenyatta was removed from “the box,” but the calling campaign continued until he was finally sent to a hospital ten days later.
Bandele’s wrenching account of Kenyatta’s illness describes a man within days of death. Yet he showed no signs of retreating from his parole refusal position. More than one person in Kenyatta and Bandele’s circle of acquaintances dropped their support of what they considered a crazy position. Some hung on. “I don’t like to speak about Kenyatta refusing parole,” says friend and former inmate Trevis “Spiritwalker” Smith. “Not because he’s wrong, but because my place is to be his brother and support him, no matter what choices he makes. He believes in something. So many people don’t believe in anything.”
In 1999, Kenyatta finally appeared before the state parole commissioners—but only to explain why he continued to refuse parole. He wasn’t permitted to read the formal statement he’d constructed. He left with no resolution. His next parole hearing is in November 2002.
‘Sit Up Straight and Exercise’
Fishkill Correctional Facility in Beacon is housed in the same buildings as the former Matteawan State Hospital, an asylum for the criminally insane. The place conjures images of old brick buildings, straitjackets and shrieks, tranquilizers, shock therapy, and confinement in dark holes from which there is little likelihood of return to the ordinary world. It is a crazy man’s world.
The accoutrements of insanity are long gone, and Fishkill looks like any other prison. Some of the inmates here, however, leave touched with a certain kind of crazy that the prison can’t suppress—Kenyatta’s kind of crazy. Though his influence over the prison system remains frustratingly insubstantial, the effect he’s had on the lives of individuals—directly and through the telling and retelling of his story—are not. “Among people on the inside who are conscious,” says Smith. “Kenyatta is a hero. I am among the people he has taught. He leads through action and life experience.”
Former inmate Vernon “Giz” Giscombe was searching for what he wanted to be—when he met Kenyatta. Giscombe had just taken a class in commercial art at the prison, and his teacher had forced him to enter a piece of his work in a prison art contest. “I did,” he says, “and the piece was stolen by some officers. I was thrilled, almost as if it had been sold.” One day Kenyatta walked by Giscombe’s cell, checked out his work, and told him, “You need to stop playing and apply yourself.” Every night thereafter, Kenyatta gave Giscombe feedback. He in turn watched Kenyatta’s progress on a self-portrait, of his eyes. “One day an officer walked by who hadn’t been on the block before,” says Giscombe. “When he saw the eyes on the wall, he jumped back. That’s how real they looked. I could literally see his hair stand up on end.”
“I thought about who he was and what his art meant and somewhere along the line, I just took off in my art. After I learned more about him, it hit me how he’d lost everything but he’d lost nothing. He taught me how to turn the negative into positive. He never told me what to do, only he’d talk about what was going on, in the present. After I got out, I continued working with art and now I’m a teacher at an after-school center. I use art and sports to identify with kids—forty-two of them. Of that total, thirty-two are fatherless—in prison, dead, or strung out on drugs. I use art work with them, in the same way Kenyatta taught me.
“His example always fascinated me inside the walls. I just couldn’t keep myself from examining who he was and what he was doing,” says Giscombe. “He never lifted weights in the prison yard like a lot of the guys. But I watched him, lift his leg vertical and stretch. And then one of the other guys in the yard told a story about him—some guy who was at Attica with Kenyatta. He told me about how there had been two short poles in the outside prison yard. They had no obvious use and had been there a long time.
“Kenyatta figured out how to do seventy-five exercises with those two poles. He’d go outside and just work on the exercises he made up. Then one day some officers took the poles away. Kenyatta asked why and the guys in the yard speculated it was because he’d found a positive use for them. That story stuck with me, like the story of the eyes. It was another example of making something positive out of what was available. Through his example I’ve learned how to stand and walk upright, just like I’m teaching the kids. Kenyatta once told me, ‘Sit up straight and exercise.’ Now I walk upright because of knowing ibn Kenyatta.”
Meddling with the Course of the World
The situation as it stands today offers some hope that Kenyatta will be released, though perhaps less hope that he will accept the terms. Bandele has been working with African American politicians like New York Congressman Major Owens to negotiate Kenyatta’s release, and several Brooklyn elected officials have taken an interest. Lennox Hinds, the prominent lawyer who handled Kenyatta’s medical suit, is committed to seeing his client released.
All this is true, says Kenyatta. But there are no assurances, because no mechanism exists for his release that does not involve parole. Even an executive clemency application before the governor isn’t acceptable—clemency is merely a shortening of the sentence in which the prisoner is then handed over to the parole board for supervision. And no New York governor has issued a pardon, which erases guilt, since 1945. Nor does parole guarantee freedom. There is nothing on the other side of the prison door to support the slaves, he says, many of whom are broken and damaged, returning to the streets without jobs and running with hearts full of rage. As for himself, Kenyatta says he wouldn’t be completely honest if he didn’t admit to a small reservoir of bitterness held against the injustices of the world—though he resists it.
“I am like the peasant that the Greek writer Kazantzakis describes, who leaps on the stage to meddle with the course of the world,” says Kenyatta. “I don’t need much to be happy. When I speak to other prisoners, it is in this same spirit—of finding happiness and not hurting other people in the process. As far as me going home is concerned—well, the system can do what the system wants to do. The powers that be—they’re able to do what’s needed. It all depends on how much pressure is applied, whatever is expedient. And some people say that the state is not going to budge because I’m a black man and what I’m asking for—to be returned to the African American community through a process of unconditional release—has never been done before.”
“This doesn’t scare me. This doesn’t depress me. It doesn’t make me feel less energetic, less committed. This situation is much bigger than me.”
Author’s Note: Special thanks to Will, the taxi driver who specializes in delivering people to the Hudson Valley’s prisons, and to the men and women of the New York State Department of Correctional Services who made my visit to ibn Kenyatta possible.
Click here to go to Kenyatta’s letter to Marguerite Kearns.
This article was originally published in two parts, on February 7, 2002, and March 7, 2002.
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