Tag Archives: America

 
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Sticks and stones


 

This morning during breakfast I was reading an article out of The Washington Post National Weekly Edition to my son.  The article, entitled "A Plea to Keep Families Together," discussed the realities faced by children born in the U.S. of illegal immigrants.  As I am prone to do, I shared my opinion with my son, to which he replied, "Why don't you email the president and tell him what you think?" "What a good idea," I answered.  My son, looking quite thoughtful, then said, "Oh, mom, George Bush probably won't like your email, so he might put you in jail; maybe you'd better not send one."  Lucky me, a lesson on the freedom of America just fell into my lap.  "Well, you know sweetie, in America you are free to have your own opinion and say what you think."  The words were barely out of my mouth when images of Don Imus entered my head.

Now I have no interest in Don Imus.  Two weeks ago, I wouldn't have recognized his name, although I think I once saw a picture of him.  I happened to come across his comment about the Rutgers's women's basketball team while I was waiting for my car to be serviced.  The gasp I made caused my older son to look up from his Gameboy wanting to know what I had read.  I slid the paper to him and watched as his eyes widened.  "This is not 1892," he said, "It's 2007, what's wrong with this guy?"  I beamed at my son's response, patted myself for raising a sensitive child, and did not once utter a word about free speech in America.

I can tell you why I didn't stand up for Don Imus; it goes back to my freshman year in college.  I was standing in line for the Rocky Horror Picture Show with my boyfriend.  A man and a woman probably in their mid-forties, about my age now, got into an altercation with a 16-year-old girl.  As the argument became heated, the man suddenly yelled out, "You are nothing but a c–t."  The hairs on my arms stood up and, as my disgust turned to anger, I yelled back, "I can't believe a grown man like you would say that to a young girl.  You offended not only her, you offended me and every other woman here, even your own friend!"  As I moved towards him, my boyfriend grabbed my arm, stepping between myself and the man.  The man opened his mouth to say something, stopped and turned away. I'd like to think my words had something to do with his change in attitude, but it was probably the glare my boyfriend aimed at him that shut him up.

That is why at 44 I find myself at a crossroads.  I'm fed up and disgusted with a culture that allows women to be treated with contempt disguised as art.  I know why I wasn't aware of Don Imus — one listen and I would have changed the station.  So I ask myself, why isn't that enough now?  After all ,no one has to listen to a Don Imus or watch a Mel Gibson.  The thought is if enough people stop listening and watching, the individuals will be minimized, eventually fading into the background.  So is it censure when CBS fires Don Imus?  Is it a response from the American public, fed up with an anything-goes media?  What does freedom of speech really mean? 

For myself, I am going to take a stand.  I cherish my right to have an opinion, to know that I can disagree with others, even the president, and not end up in a cell somewhere. The right to voice an opinion, however, is not a blank check to hurt others.  Calling young women who have just won a victory a derogatory name is not an opinion; it is simply a man trying to put women in their place, someone seeking approval by hurting others.  I want my children to know that those who came before them died for their freedom to make their own choices in the world.  I want my children to know that I will fight to protect the rights that we have been given. Most importantly, I want my children to know that words can hurt and no amount of "sorrys" can take them back.         

               

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Rape is America’s four-letter word


It isn't the woman walking through a dark alley way or the woman who "wants it" who becomes the next victim of rape and sexual assault. It isn't a woman deemed sexy by middle-class society. The assailant isn't large, black, and waiting for her, and he isn't a stranger in most cases. These are the myths surrounding rape and sexual assault that cloud our media and further attack men and women who are victims of this violent crime. With such hefty assumptions furthered daily by the mainstream, it should be no shock that rape is the violent crime that goes unreported most often.

Statistics abound regarding the numbers of women affected by rape and sexual assault. The predominant statistic circulated among rape educators reads “1 in 4 women will be affected by sexual assault or rape in her lifetime.” That is 25 percent of roughly half the world’s population – 25 percent that will be violated in some way by another person against her consent, against her will.
The legal system is failing our victims, failing our men and women by taking one of the most devastating violent actions and getting it caught up in the bureaucracy of legal red tape. A woman in Florida reported a rape, but instead of following through with the prosecution of the incident, she was jailed when a former warrant surfaced. A statement by the Florida college student also says an employee of the jail refused to administer a second dose of the “morning after” pill.

The woman received an apology from the Tampa police, according to the article, but it doesn’t remove the devastation.

Instead of consoling victims, or helping those who brave their own fears and report a rapist, we as a society too often chastise them, smear their names in the media and dehumanize them even further.

Have you looked at the Duke lacrosse rape case ? Perhaps, a better question would be “Who hasn’t?” Though the facts of the altercation are grey at best, given the intense media campaign coupled with commentary by leaders in all walks of life.

This case, beyond any other, has made it painfully clear that the American nation needs a shift in mentalities when it comes to victims of rape and sexual assault. Immediately, this woman’s claim was lessened because of two key factors and perhaps misconceptions when it comes to speaking about rape and sexual assault. First, society discredited this woman because of her deviant profession – an exotic dancer. As a sex worker of sorts, it was believed that she could not be raped. A career choice, made for whatever reason, does not take away a woman’s ability to give consent.

Secondly, the woman involved was a woman of color accusing young white men from a prestigious university. The combination of the two factors built a case against her in the public eye, regardless of other issues in the case. All of the cards were already against her.

I can imagine the fear that goes along with such a situation, in knowing that no one is going to believe you, yet persisting with identifying high-profile sexual assailants. Am I saying that I, without a shadow of a doubt, believe in this woman’s claims, inconsistent story and all? No. But, the vast majority of survivors or victims of sexual assault and rape do not lie about their experiences. I owe her the same benefit of the doubt.

Rape isn’t only a woman’s issue and never should have been assigned to that domain. The violent act itself is most commonly perpetrated by men against women, and that in and of itself is enough to break down the stereotype that men “don’t have to worry about it.” The chilling statistic that declares that 1 in every 12 men will be raped or sexually assaulted adds to the mounting case that society is ultimately dismissing a horrible phenomenon, that at one point or another, will affect most people in the country in some way or another. It is fortunate that each individual in this country will not have to deal with the atrocities of rape and sexual assault personally. However, in some way or another, most will be touched through the life of a survivor – a sister, mother, aunt, grandmother, best friend, partner, or other individual. Rape is not something we can close our eyes to.

Rape and America’s inconsistent, at best, attitude towards it didn’t disappear with the 20th century. It still exists and will continue to do so until someone says it’s time for the violence, the legal bias, the media judgement, and the acceptance to stop.

The longer we treat rape as a four-letter word, unspeakable except for in hushed tones, the more victims will amount and the fiercer battle we create for ourselves as human beings.

Dear Reader, In The Fray is a nonprofit staffed by volunteers. If you liked this piece, could you please donate $10? If you want to help, you can also: