Last November, my manager, John, at my campus cafeteria told me a funny story. Supposedly, when he realized the newspaper vendor had shortchanged him, he said “I’ve been gipped” out loud. Not far away was an aging hippie who scolded him for saying such a thing:

“Gip is a terrible thing to say. It’s offensive to gypsies.”

Usually, I ignore what hippies say, but this incident got into my skin pretty deep. Did this man in the Grateful Dead t-shirt feel a sense of pride in saving the dignity of the Gypsy population? Is this the same guy who talks about animal rights and saving whales? Is it offensive of me to say any of these things?

I find it pitiful that a handful of nutcases have successfully warped the minds of fine human beings into thinking thier ideology of “what is offensive” is actually legit.

Political correctness has done nothing for the American people but halt any progress between expunging bigotry of any kind. Instead, we’re all walking around on eggshells afraid of saying anything to anyone different from us and are being fooled into thinking everything is alright. Aren’t you tired of being called a racist for no apparent reason? Are you sick of people getting your jobs because the companies need to make staus quo but you’re more qualified? Is the term “people of color” one of the dumbest things you’ve ever heard of? I agree, and this is coming from a gay, black, quarter-Jew dude.

Unfortunately, political correctness is very much like the black hole. It has grown to such a connundrum of crap that I won’t be able to cover all of its fallicies. I’ll get to the more critical problems it has caused. One is called the Discrimination Alarm. It looks like this:

The Emergency sign, however, goes unnoticed most of the time. What was once used for serious crimes of prejudice has turned into toy for tattling. It’s been misused and abused so many times it can’t be taken seriously anymore. For instance, “black” to many in the community is an unacceptable term. Many say they prefer “African-American.” Well that’s sort of stupid considering most of the people who want to be referred to by this term aren’t from Africa at all! Do we call those of German decent German-American? Or others Irish-American? If that’s the case, I prefer to be called Kenyan-American because I too want to be identified by the country my ancestors came from! I think it’s discrimintory otherwise. What’s next, Nubian Kings and Queens? Caucasian is such a great word too. Why say something with one syllable like “white” when you can say three?

Dare I say the status quo is PC’s greatest warrior? Indeed it is so. To end racism, somebody says let’s keep a percentage of each race in each school. I find it very difficult to understand that a person decided to use racism as a means to smolder it. That’s like someone actually using fire to fight real fire. It’s completely idiotic. Status quo has only gotten us to point systems in colleges, students getting rejected because of their race, and pissed off white people. Central High School in Louisville, Kentucky (my hometown), had gotten in trouble becuase they weren’t accepting enough white people. The fact that Central High was the only high school to accept black people isn’t even important (which was the constant reiteration, not to mention the WRONG one). Could it be the fact that not many white students applied there at all or even wanted to?

In addition to the point system the nation argued over years ago, scholarships targeted at minority students have not been discussed. If you search through a scholarship award book, you can see many for blacks, Asians, Latinos, gays, etc. Could you imagine the riots that would ensue if a white-only scholarship was awarded, or even a heterosexual one? Uh oh … DISCRIMINATION ALARM! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Reverse discourse seemed to be a great way to turn racist slurs into positive jargon. Too bad it was a failure.

Most of you, I’m sure, have seen the movie Rush Hour. In one scene, Chris Tucker’s character is referring to his all-black buddies who are hanging out in a bar as his “niggas.” Jackie Chan’s character (Tucker’s detective partner) follows him into the bar, new to American culture, and only imitates his partner to fit in. Instead of getting the respect and handshakes Tucker received, he’s almost on the receiving end of ass-kicking until Chan shows them he’s another karate-chopping Asian dude, (uh oh…) and beats them all to kingdom come. You’d think that little skit mocking our problems would point out its fault in our culture. As popular as that movie was, it’s deplorable to see its audience didn’t capture the gist of what the skit was saying.

Honestly, I call all of my friends niggas. White, black, Korean, I don’t care and neither do they. They call me that too. If anything, we are mocking communities and groups who think just because they have adapted words that were once deragotory to them, it doesn’t give them the right to claim others are unable to use them as well. When I see something I find inane, I’ll say, “Man, that is so gay.” At the same time, I will never tell a heterosexual that he shouldn’t say it either. No one should be a dictator of diction. Usually, someone who uses these terms is doing so in a joking manner, and jokes aren’t racist/sexist/etc. It’s only when they are used in a bigoted manner that they become so, and that is the only problem.

Black skin is a pigment. Gay means I’m attracted to men and I have emotions for them romantically. Jew means I like bagels. I do not misuse and abuse these things for any gain morally or whatnot.

Luckily, there are antagonists to this terrible flaw in our culture. TV Shows like South Park and Family Guy are constantly jabbing a fork in the PC meat. These shows are so great, they have probably offended every group and community out there. That’s what I call equal opportunity. Humorous social commentary sites like Mad Maddox and The Morphine Nation are popular places that also continue to fight the dirty fight. Look at these sites with an open heart and open mind (and hopefully with your sense of humor).

I wish I could be idealistic and say one day, all of this will dissapear, but I realize that there will always be hippies.

But the next time someone proudly proclaims they are PC, you’ll know what they really mean since I have taught you the true acronym for it. So tell them to do these three things:

1. STOP (Talking)
2. THINK (About How Stupid You Sound)

3.

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In my high school, there was apathy and a great dearth of knowledge about politics, but after coming to college, it was like people took a turnabout. All of the sudden, everyone knows everything about their parties, the issues, economics, etc. Maybe because the upcoming 2004 election is a big deal. Perhaps it’s a logical step to becoming an independent adult. No matter the reason, politics is a major issue everywhere on campus; the unversity newspapers, college preachers, and dining room talk at dinner.

Everyone knows that college is the time for experimentation, whether it be sex, drugs, and/or alcohol (note: I’m too much of a coward to try any of the above). Before coming to the University of Kentucky, I didn’t know that politics too was something students liked to fool around with. Fellow columnist Michael Benton was my English 101 and 102 professor and he is responsible for molding me to the political activist I am. Because of that, I started taking politics and how they affected me very seriously. Everything from media-biasedness to human rights was a common discourse with my friends because I was searching for truth and enlightenment. What was the way for me? Within two months of registering on my 18th birthday, I went from Democrat to Independent. The Democrats weren’t doing it for me. It was a party of no ideas and passive leaders.

I’ve always been a left-leaning citizen from my democratic backround at home and the imporatance of equal rights for gays since my late teens. However I got more liberal with each semester and Air America Radio broadcast making me lose hope in our American government. Less than three months from being an Independent, I became a full-fledged Socialist. I did this for several reasons:

1. The two-party system seemed very tainted.
2. I believed the “corporations are the spawn of Satan” hyperbole.
3. Sharing everything seemed swell.
4. Saying you are part of a communist/socialist party sounds “deck” in the hipster world.

Despite getting the odd stares from people when mentioning this at dinner parties, something still didn’t feel right. Sure, the whole concept of it is very naive, but it seemed perfect for a utopian society and that was the problem. There is no such thing and there never will be.

I used to share my socialist rhetoric with my fellow pro-wrestling fans in political threads on our forums. While many folks would believe wrestling fans are fastidious far-right conservatives without a high school diploma, well, that wasn’t the case here. Many are very intelligent (and write columns on their passion too!) and brought me to a more common sense side of the political world. An overwheling number of them that countered my rhetoric introduced me to their party, the Libertarian party. (They also made fun of socialists because SOCIALISM WORKS! [wonderful sarcasm]).

I was intrigued by this dark horse of a party. NAMyth (North American Myth) says this: “Everyone owns their own lives, no one owns someone else, that’s the foundation of Liberty.” Libertarians believe that the government should be severly reduced in size and power (which the Republican party has failed to do). The Government is the servent to the individual, and things like socialized health care (looking at you, Mr. Kerry) and using Congress to make unncessary amendments that infringe on the rights of others (I’m talking to you, Bush, Jr.) is ridiculous and unethical. They have some incredible stances on certain issues that I agree with:

— The War on Drugs is a joke and an unspeakable failure. The Party (www.lp.org) says: Each individual has the right to control his or her own body, action, speech, and property. Government’s only role is to help individuals defend themselves from force and fraud.
— Social Security isn’t working; we should as individuals work on out own retirement plans. It needs to be privatized.
— Welfare. More of a failure. Get rid of it.
— Immigration: Everyone should come in if you believe your country sucks. Just don’t expect any handouts.

Let’s just say I registered as a Libertarian a few weeks ago.
I might be the political nomad I’ve been in the past year, I don’t know. However, this all seems like common sense to me. Focusing on the individual (instead of the government) and their rights and responsibilites as an American citizen sounds like the kind of government we are supposed to have. I urge you all to at least look up this party (the largest 3rd candidate party in the U.S.) and get an opinion for yourself. You might like what you read, or comment me for how silly I am. Either way you might get a different perspective on how a government should operate.

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There is no alternative for gay males in the mass media. According to the “opiate of the masses,” (television) we are super skinny or we are Adonis clones. We listen to Divas and shop at chic stores. We have the wit of Tennessee Williams, and we’re culture vultures that other men and women need to imitate. We club every night, cruise every weekend, and show up protesting when our rights are being tampered with. As I watch television shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Will & Grace, I can’t help but shake my head at the messages they are sending to people across the nation: Everyone thinks I am just like these men. For entertainment purposes, let’s take a look at my “normal” attire:

Jacket: Brown with red and yellow stripes — color clash is a major violation from the fashion police.

Shirt: Blue- and white-striped Kroger bagger shirt — Kroger is not a designer label.

Pants: Light brown with a dark brown stripe in the middle — They look like something a mailman would wear back in the 1980s.

Socks — Multicolored — Wrong.

Shoes — Vans Skateboard Brand Tennis Shoes – Gay men don’t wear tennis shoes unless they are actually going to play tennis. Gay guys don’t skate either.

Shop at chic malls? According to my choice of apparel, I’ll take Salvation Army over Diesel anytime. To break some other myths of stereotypical gay men, I have the wit of a soap dish. Sure, I can be funny, but wit wasn’t a trait I acquired. I don’t do clubs either. I have an aversion to techno music and dancing. I prefer staying at home and reading a good book on left-wing politics. Cruise every weekend? I’ve been single for four years and my boyfriend back then dumped me because I wouldn’t “put out.” As far as I am concerned, I’m probably celibate. Sex just seems to irk me right now. On the topic of protesting, I don’t mind doing my part on Internet forums, but frankly I don’t feel like waving a poster and screaming at the opposition. If it doesn’t look like I’ve received an invitation for absolute ostracization from the gay community, I don’t know how I can make it any clearer.

My body is no better in the grand scheme of things. For one thing, I’m black, and affirmative action doesn’t exist in the gay community. When I go on personals sites like XY (for gay youth) or PlanetOut, black models are an endangered species if it exists at all anymore. I’ll go out on a limb here and say if you’re not white, no need to apply. The reason I say that is because most profiles contain this message:

Latino may be added, but that is a rarity. Black men are never a sought out for companionship, or at least tolerated. The reason is because of the images the media feeds the nation. For instance, big butts are all the rage these days because J. Lo is incessantly being shoved into our eye-sockets. Getting an Asian girl is “hip” because Lucy Liu is the hottest lady in Hollywood. Can you name a black actor who plays a gay male, besides the guy from HBO’s Six Feet Under? I don’t think you can, and neither can I. A lot of people don’t realize that mass media influence exists in the gay community; we’re not the “open minds” kind of people that are portrayed during nationally televised protests. We are just like everybody else. Sometimes I feel the color of my skin has been the main factor for why I am the knight of unrequited interest. On more occasions than I can remember, I’ve had many great discussions with people online chatting for the first time. When they ask for my picture and I send it, the chatting ceases to continue. Five years ago when I first came out in eighth grade, I wanted to be white just because I thought it would make it easier being gay and finding love, which my mother in reply lectured me against. “Someone should love me for who I am and not the color of my skin.” Sure, that may be morally sound, but in the real world, it’s still difficult to take that in consideration, especially when it seems like the world doesn’t want you for a life partner.

The models of XY and PlanetOut, among other websites that cater to the gay community, not only display one race of people exclusively but also a body type: Extremely skinny and attractive. With these “flawless” clones that pop on my computer screen daily, these sites set a standard that each visitor is measured by. While Heterosexual America has very few icons with girth to stand idly by like famed former Playmate of the Year Anna Nicole, Gay America (for males) has none. With shows like Queer as Folk, Will & Grace, and Boy Meets Boy, it seems that the gay media stigmatizes anyone beyond a 34-inch waist. Each and every main character of these television shows differs very little when it comes to body type. Very much like race, a narrow-mind is installed into our brains:

The major concern for women during Third Wave feminism is battling body issues presented to us by America’s pop culture. However, with the increasing popularity in “metrosexuals” and the new mainstream limelight for gays, men are facing them more than ever before, and not just athletes as it was in the past. Gay men, in my opinion, are having a tougher time trying to meet the needs of their future boyfriends. There are masculine and feminine traits in both men and women alike despite sexuality, but in the stereotypical images of gay males, there are two traits and a specified body type for each. If you are a masculine gay male (others dare to label “straight-acting”), then you must don the body of a cover-man for Flex Magazine. If you are a feminine gay male, you have to wear 28-inch pants and be blessed with a boyish/androgynous face. With these unreachable (and unnecessary) extremes, what are all of us that fall in-between supposed to do? Why are we pigeonholed into such absurd restrictions? It’s bad enough realizing you are a gay person in a straight world, but it’s worse when the world can’t accept your love handles.

Throughout high school, I fought relentlessly to trash my identity because I knew no one would love me for what I looked like. A little overweight for my stunted height, I joined my wrestling team to help aid my cause of losing this little extra weight. After two years of running around the block and becoming an iron-loving gym bunny, it was pretty much done in vain. I got in much better shape and realized the importance of nutrition, but I was still without a boyfriend. With all of my attempts to become a card-carrying member of the gay community, I failed.

By the end of my senior year in high school, once my wrestling season ended, I decided to exhume my identity back and stop worrying about it. I came to the conclusion that for one, I shouldn’t be worrying about getting a life-partner at the time because I needed to obtain an education first; nobody likes a dummy anyway. Second, my mother’s advice came to revisit my conscience because Hollywood lied to me. Beauty and the absence of a belly don’t equate happiness. “Someone will love me for me and not my weight.”

Now that I am in college, my body weight is no longer a concern for me. Frankly, I don’t have the time for excessive burnouts in the gym and carb-Nazi Atkins diets because my European history papers are more significant to get done. I maintain my proper health, but I don’t put in the unnecessary effort to have the frame of a soccer jock because I just simply lack the motivation. For wrestling, I was at 135, and I now I sit at 154 pounds and more comfortable than ever. I suppose six-packs aren’t for everybody. Slowly but surely, I’m going through my withdrawal from the weight room from five days a week to two. I have just become exhausted at gaining muscle mass and now I just want to ride my bike for necessary exercise.

I feel more than blessed that I found the error of my ways much more quickly than my peers who let body issues take over most of their lives. Now in college I have goals and finding a guy isn’t a top priority as it was in the past. Sure, I have wishes to meet my waiting prince, but now I want to get my English and Japan Studies degrees. I want to go to Louisiana and learn Creole for graduate studies. I want to write columns about social and political issues for alternative magazines.

Instead of abandoning these gay websites, I decided to spread my ideals on the negative visual imagery these sites show to other members. Just as Third Wave feminists are fighting against mainstream body image, we gay men need to follow their example and do the same. We should be sending letters and emails to gay websites, protesting against these mainstream body images. We need to create awareness of what the typical gay culture is doing and challenge its standards.    

And somebody will love me; black, love handles, and all. Besides, we don’t call them love handles for nothing; your lover needs something to hold onto.

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