Sadly, nothing has changed in the mindset of Potential Adoptive Parents … Healthy White Infant, Domestically to now Healthy Infant, Internationally … To quote Cindy, “We wanted a healthy infant who would be in our family forever.” Ah, yes, the Forever Family — seems that is the newest rhetoric being offered. There is already a Forever Family, the original family of the infant, the baby’s parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, all the generations before whose genes are Forever woven into the fabric of this tiny infant, this human baby. Newborns are not clean slates, erased of all their ancestral origins, just because someone has enough money to buy a baby. These tiny infants that PAPs are procuring come with much history and a family they are already connected to. I have read adoptors’ writings about why they adopt internationally, most glaringly written; they won’t have to contend with the birthmother at such a nice safe distance. Domestically, they cannot pretend as well with the Concept of the Forever Family. That Bothersome Birthmom just might show up, shattering the Fantasy of the Forever Family. Whether domestic or international adoption, when this child comes of age, he/she can determine for themselves about searching for their Family of Origin, fully shattering the Forever Family Fantasy that adoptors want to keep in place. One cannot pretend to give birth to a baby, “as if born to;” the natural fact is these babies are born of their mothers and are related to the families of. For those who adopt, adopt for the right reasons, children needing families, not needy people needing children to fulfill their own longings, their fantasies. That is a grave injustice to the babies/children you are professing to love unconditionally. I would question the “unconditionality” of anyone adopting, who in the same breath is talking about what the mother of the baby will do in the future. You do know your adoptive child will one day ask about his/her family of origin. How will you speak of them — in the context of your fears or through the unconditional love that any parent is obligated to give their child?

—Chris

In The Fray Contributor