My winter ponder-land

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother's birthday. She would have been around eighty-five years old. I actually had a dream about her last night (not remembering that it was her birthday); kind of like a refurbished memory of when I stayed with her in her apartment.

She would give me Dole pineapple juice and Oreo cookies or make me some slamming grilled cheese sandwiches with real Velveeta cheese. When I woke up this morning, I was quite confused. "Is she still alive?" I thought. As reality began to sink in with the light of dawn, I remembered that she had really died ten years ago.

Sometimes when I have the recurring dream of my grandmother being alive, I look for the hidden meanings, or I think that she is trying to spend time with me from the spirit world. It makes me feel stuck in a portal puddle of the past. This time I was not in the mood to entertain the thought. I may have been distracted by the sounds of cars splashing newly formed puddles. I read on the Internet that we were going to have a "wintery mix of rain and snow" this morning. The rain falling from the sky all of a sudden turned into mini-cotton iceberg chunks that are now starting to silently paint the sidewalk like puffs of talcum powder on a baby's butt. What's the point? I'm not sure yet.

I've been yearning for the sunshine, that fragrance of spring that you smell coming around the corner when the temperature begins to rise. Nothing seems subtle on the East Coast. We all know when it's winter. We all know when it's summer. Spring and fall seem to be quick transitional seasons for what's to come. At least this is how I naturally think. Maybe it isn't about what's to come at all. It's about, well…now. The snowflakes are looking and moving like falling swan feathers at this very moment. The winter may be an ugly duckling that will turn into the beautiful swan of spring. Here I go again with the hidden meanings. The snow is speaking to me. Either that or I need to go and take my omega fatty acids and vitamin D.

I must accept (the fact or defense mechanism) that I have this lesson to learn from the snow (I could learn lots of lessons from the sun and ocean, too). I am listening to the snow. I am reminded of how when my grandparents moved from Brooklyn, New York, to Southern California to be closer to us growing up. Those memories are a precious gift. Somehow, I don't recall seeing them relishing in the sunshine. I can only hear them complaining about how lousy the bagels and pizza are in California.  

Happy birthday, Grandma. This one's for you. I miss you.

 

 

 

 

Holy cats and dogs!

Only a chosen few will be taken in the Rapture. The rest of us will be left down here to suffer for eternity. And your little dogs, too.

A large number of people way more than will actually be saved in this Rapture-thingy think they will get to go upstairs. Believing so must give them a sense of joy, maybe even  hope. But this is tempered by a major concern what about the beloved pets?

Well, would-be-Rapturees, it's your lucky day! For 110 dollars and 15 dollars per additional pet, rest (in everlasting peace) assured that Rover will go to a good atheist home after you've magically disappeared.

Y'all, there's a menagerie of musings in my head about this.

To begin with apparently, this is not a joke. In fact, there's more than one site offering such a service. But it is most certainly a scam. 110 dollars? Whoever created this is a genius!

I want in on this. For 110 dollars, even 10 dollars per person (greed is a sin, you know), I'll take care of your dry-clean only clothes and furs after you've gone. You don't want the damned heathens looting your walk-in closets and tossing your silks in common washing machines, do you? Hell no!

Ok, in all fairness, one site does include the following note: "A portion of income generated from advertising on this site is contributed to community food shelves/food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire." But just a portion, mind you. Not the whole amount to feed the living humans here and now that would be crazy!

Next, a question about the souls of the cute and furry. If God created all creatures, why don't the animals get to go, too? One trip on the Arc all those millenia ago and that's it? Is peeing on the rug really such a terrible sin?

There are 6.7 billion people on Earth. We are all sinners, some more than others. I'm thinking this Rapture selection will be very small, very exclusive. So, how will we know when it has happened? So many people disappear everyday, and we don't even notice. How do we know the Rapture hasn't already happened?

Also, what if you just happen to be kidnapped or disappear or die naturally and lay undiscovered, Rre-rapture, but the network of atheists doesn't know? What if Snowball ends up starving in your apartment, and later on, gets taken in by devil-worshipping (e.g., liberal) neighbors or given to a kill pound by relatives? And you've paid $100 or more for nothing!

I guess a sucker is left behind everyday.

While browsing through these sites, I did have a reality-based idea and was pleased to find that others had thought of it too. Military pets. There are networks out there for soldiers who don't have anyone to take care of their pet during their overseas deployments. I love that there's an alternative for military personnel to giving up their pets for good and never seeing them again. They sacrifice so much to serve their country it's not too much to ask to come home to a best fuzzy friend. One program even has sponsors like Pedigree and Whiskas these are not scams, they're just awesome.

Obviously, I have not done my usual thorough research. I don't know the details about the Rapture or where the religions stand on animal souls. Nor do I want to. I have better things to do with my time. But, occasionally I like to take a break from health care, tea parties, foreclosures, and endless wars and amuse myself. So please, don't enlighten me. Don't correct me. Instead, use that energy to volunteer at an animal or human shelter and do your little part to make the world a better place. Because, honey, we're all stuck here.

 

HELP! I need somebody!

 

I find myself caught in one of those "circles of life" not like the big happy ones seen in The Lion King but rather the type that you keep living through, over and over and over again. You can't jump out. You just keep trying things in hopes that the circle would, at least, widen or in hopes that you will be pulled out.

Let's be honest: the great life is saved for the elite. Recently I read an article stating that opportunity is not about luck, it is about money. Wealth attracts wealth. How often are the destitute saved from their poverty and given a lifetime of success? It happens. However, it does not happen often. Especially not now when talent is everywhere.

Thanks to globalization, talent is no longer unique. One can learn skills in simple DIY steps for free. In the good old days, rare gems were discovered among the wild; people could manipulate others easily and make them believe that their skills were sought worldwide; Bartolomeu Dias even "discovered" an entire country and returned to Portugal to brag about his findings, regardless of the inhabitants that had already been living there for years. Today, everything can be cross referenced; gems can be located and purchased without one having to leave their own comforts; the cheapest option can be found with a click  and the world is no longer a mystery to anyone.

I find myself  sitting at my computer, once again questioning the point of it all. I spent the last 17 years studying; I now have two degrees, a wealth of useless knowledge, and no job. I would like to believe that the recession is to blame, but the truth is, I don't have the qualifications for most of the jobs that I want.

I've done the three years in retail working in an airless store room. I've saved up, I've splurged, and now I'm broke and wondering what to do next with little hope left in the dream that I have held onto since a child.

My friend suggested that I take a leap of faith and start my own movie business. "Move towards your dream and all shall fall into place," she had advised.

You need money to start your own business. You need money to get into the famous and recognized film schools that are guaranteed to land you your dream career. The movie business is strictly for the elite. To apply for financing you need a convincing business and marketing plan. You need a business. To register your business and website and get yourself on your feet, you need money. Renting equipment is sometimes more expensive than buying your own equipment. Almost nothing is affordable. It's as if I am doomed to be a slave to the system.

Education -> average job -> mediocre life.

Those words of my guidance teacher reverberate at the back of my head hauntingly: "You can have your dreams, Tharuna, but they have to be sensible."

In South Africa, the film industry is small. Only the best, the ones who could afford the private educational institutions, have a real chance of getting in. And only the "previously disadvantaged" are given free opportunities. The middle class have to fight for it. The problem is that my past is like an overly decorated Christmas tree with bad investments (people included). I would be all teeth and claw if I knew that this, starting my own movie business, was the right decision. That I could trust my partner. That there was a guarantee that people would be willing to finance a girl with only a dream and some talent.

There is no guarantee, is there?

 

Flocking to U.S. universities

 

You are encouraged to think, for a change. In the Indian education system I suffered through for three years (my high school years), I was pushed to learn everything "by heart" and not to think about why and how. You are essentially trained to be a mirror, just showing the world what your text book shows to you.

But not all is bad with the Indian education system. Math and pure science education is much better than in the U.S. or Europe (at least at the high school level). The labs and equipment, however, are a different story. At the college level, because of the emphasis on being a mirror, the quality of math and science training falls. That is why, despite having thousands of very hardworking and diligent students, India is not a powerhouse when it comes to research and development.

In light of these facts, it is quite surprising that the U.S. government is not promoting its universities as universal talent magnets. Look at how Australia markets itself as the place to be for international students. With tough rules on employment limitations, U.S. universities are actually losing talent to Europe, Australia, and Asia.

Fore more on Australia's efforts to attract foreign students, check out this website. Why can't the U.S. do the same?

 

 

The all magical Valentine’s Day

 

Being a Valentine's Day non-enthusiast by rule, I surprised myself today by wearing a pink dress and entering a shopping mall to watch the movie Valentine's Day with my friends (all Valentine's Day groupies). The movie which I likened to Love Actually and was keen to see turned to out to be a confirmation that Valentine's Day is indeed a shallow, commercialized, and manipulative celebration of everything but love (a viewpoint that, until now, I have been reluctant to agree with).

For one, all the lead actresses in the movie were abnormally skinny and all the men (even the geeky ones) were clean shaven, slim, and somewhat defined. In fact, the entire cast seemed to be chosen according to how good they looked naked the men barely kept their shirts on and the women strutted around in tiny skirts or their men's oversized shirts. Additionally, the quality of acting was equivalent to the quality of materials used in low-cost housing. With the movie having an equally poor plot (or rather, too many poor plots), I wished that I had rather spent my Sunday morning helping assemble ill-suited materials to build low-cost houses for those who are poverty stricken. I would have seen more love doing the latter than I did during the entire 125 minutes of Valentine's Day.

The movie asserted the view that love is indeed shallow. In one "loving" relationship, Taylor Swift plays a ditzy, conceited school girl going out with Taylor Lautner because he was hot and athletic and, wait for it, he stayed with her and "loved" her regardless. Watching her act made me feel as if someone was massaging my eyes with sandpaper and left me with that I-know-why-Lautner-broke-up-with-Swift-in-reality feeling. Even more experienced actresses like Jennifer Garner failed to evoke any emotions in the viewer due to the haphazard plot sequence, ill-developed characters, and the lack of true love. Garner's character, who initially asserts that she had found "the one," simply dismisses the fact that this aforementioned "one" was in fact married with kids and simply moves on to loving her best friend. In another love story, child star Bryce Robinson spends the entire day waiting for his flowers to be delivered so that he may pass it on to his love. In a cheap twist, it turns out that the boy has a crush on his teacher. This problem is solved in five minutes after a one-on-one heart-to-heart in which the teacher offers him a more suitable recipient and Robinson moves on to deliver his long awaited bouquet to his same-aged best friend.  In this way, former loves were continually dismissed within seconds and replaced with better options which ultimately reinforced everything that love is not. Moreover, all love stories failed to contain even a gram of true romance: lines were cheap, characters were easy, and objects of affection could simply be purchased. Also, nobody truly cries when they have their hearts torn to pieces (in my own relationships, knowing that the guy I loved was a jerk never stopped me from drowning my room in tears). The only poignant line in the movie was delivered by Shirley MacLaine (the old wise one), who stated that when you love someone, you love them for their entirety and not only for the good bits. Sadly, this line fell into a deep haystack, lost in our inability to engage with any of the characters (there were just so many!) and their inability to truly love.

The saddest part of the whole movie was that it accurately represented the reality of most Valentine's Day followers (and even haters, perhaps). In my own experience, the first Valentine's Day that I remember was when I was 11. I was the lonely girl who had chosen to follow the steps of Mr. Bean and send myself a Valentine's Day card. I remember hating myself because I thought that only the pretty and popular ones deserved to be pampered on Valentine's Day. Having then attended an all girls high school, Valentine's Day always began with the delivering of roses to and from schools of the opposite sex and always ended with me watching the 'special' girls glowing behind their bunches of roses (allegedly, the amount of roses that you received on Valentine's Day equated to how popular you would be perceived by your peers). By the time that I had reached campus, I had grown into a Valentine's Day hater, spreading the words "love sucks" to all who cared to listen while secretly wishing that someone among the six billion would be spending the day thinking about only me.

Today, however, after watching Valentine's Day, I feel a sense of joy knowing that, in 23 years, I had not once received a Valentine's Day gift nor spent the day celebrating love. I'd like to think that love is more than everything that Valentine's Day represents and that romance still lives within the fast-paced and technological confines of contemporary society. Maybe I am just another dreamer who has read one too many Nicholas Sparks novels…I'd rather dream than settle.

 

From the department of redundancy department

There is a beautiful mansion near my apartment which is on the National Historic Register. Built in 1900 for William Childs (developer of Bon Ami cleaning powders), it sits on the grand avenue of once-private residences directly across from the park. Now the mansion is home to the Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture, a non-profit group hosting various programs and seminars. Not too long ago, they installed a banner out front stating that they are against torture. Did I miss something here?

Of course they are against torture. Who wouldn't be? Who is going to stand up and disagree with that? (No, actually I am all for torture.) Why restate the obvious? It's kind of like announcing you think Hitler was a bad man.

This leads me to the recent announcement by the MTA to let straphangers know that groping on the subway is wrong. Correctamundo, MTA! It seems safe to say that there are certain things we all know are wrong. Fondling your neighbor on the subway is one of them. But the MTA is spending a good bit of money rolling out a campaign to tell us this anyway. They want to encourage riders not to be afraid to speak up after a study showed that 63 percent of women have been sexually harassed on the subway. There will be a hotline to report such unpleasantness. But all good intentions aside, can this really even curb the problem?

A similar campaign on the Boston T resulted in an increase of reported incidents, which is to be expected, but there was no increase in apprehending the offenders. It all boils down to a he said/she said kind of thing. I mean, it's not like the guy leaves any fingerprints.

Full disclosure: I have only been groped on a particularly crowded section of Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras but never on the subway. As your faithful subway reporter, I took an informal poll. Only one friend had a tale to tell. She boarded the 2 train at 14th Street during the evening rush. Everyone was crowded and pushing their way in, kind of like the subway in Japan where the conductors will "help" you by using your body as leverage to squeeze more people on the train. (I suspect these women need the groping hotline more than anyone.)

My friend was subway surfing, where you don't have a pole to hang onto or a door to lean against you're just riding the wave of the train. A heavyset, tall man was facing her. Every time the train jerked and lurched forward, she felt what she described as an elbow poking her. It was hard to tell exactly what an elbow? Someone's backpack? because the train was so crowded. She insisted I mention here that she was wearing a long coat which did its part to camouflage the offending poker. She started to get suspicious. Was it? Wasn't it? Then her apprehension was confirmed. The train stopped moving but the poking didn't. I asked if she would have called to report the incident if there were a hotline back then. She doubted it. "What good would it have done?"

Maybe hotlines like this aren't really meant to catch the wrongdoer but provide some false sense of security to the rest of the riders. We want to feel like something is being done. We insist upon action. Not doing something, anything, despite how ridiculously futile, is the equivalent of letting the offenders win. Reminds me of the random bag searches the local police conducted here after the London bombings. With seven million riders each day, what did they really expect to find in the backpack of Joe Commuter? But it made us feel better, even if just for a few moments.

 

The same differences

I woke up on New Year's Day in a rather conventional manner: lungs recovering from high exposure to secondhand smoke, wallet empty, choked back tequila aftertaste, and a head full of hope. It was a completely new disposition for me. There were no resolutions for change and betterment; only ends and beginnings.

I thought that this was my own revelation. I imagined everyone else was hurrying to find ways to better themselves: joining gyms, throwing out their bottles of alcohol and packs of cigarettes, and penciling their families and friends into their busy schedules. But, I realized that I was wrong.

Like animals, humans have set behavioral patterns. For example, cats have their own personalities: some are wild and anti-social, some love human attention, some are afraid of heights…but ultimately, they all act in a certain way. They play in the same way, they all bury their excrement, they all learn how to clean themselves even when there is no adult cat to teach them. They are inherently conditioned to behave as cats.

With the Internet allowing people to connect from all over the world, we are more aware of our world, more knowledgeable about other cultures and nationalities, more open (in most cases) to differences between us, and more willing to help.  It has made the world a smaller place and has made me reassess my own uniqueness.

Being a diehard for the movie Fight Club, I never considered myself to be truly unique; however, I did assume that I had my own quirkiness that separated me from everyone else. This assumption was soon shattered while scrolling through various Facebook groups. Things that I considered to be uniquely me, things that I had thought only I did had groups with over a million followers. Things such as constantly calling my mum even though I didn't need her for anything; making animal noises in shopping malls and laughing at strangers who turn around; and thinking, as a little girl, that the moon followed me wherever I went.

We are all different, yet we are all the same. If nothing else, knowing this makes stand-up comedy easier.

 

I am my own god

 

Hi. My name is Tharuna and I am "addicted" to social networking sites. There are two in particular: Twitter and Facebook. My friend believes that these sites have become the new alcohol/cigarettes/shopping sprees with added benefits like lower cost, easy access, and greater satisfaction. This provides one explanation for why they are spreading like an ink stain, barrier-less and reaching all age groups, races, and social classes.

There are many reasons for craving the use of social networking sites. In the rapid paced world that we live in, the giving of attention to those who want it is scarce. With global financial and employment calamities, most parents are working harder and leaving their children somewhat neglected. With women striving to reach the sky of the corporate world, relationships tend to be strained while partners become more demanding. Even parents tend to be neglected by their working-class offspring.

Social network sites, on the other hand, are attention-giving whores. They suck in people who are lonely or shy or depressed and provide them with instantly gratifying attention. You have the ability to chat with new people when the old ones have grown tired of you and subsequently get rid of them when you have grown wary of their tales by simply pressing "delete." No long, drawn-out explanations required and, if you were clever enough to not give out your details, no Cable Guy-type stalkers to ruin your life. It's clean. It's simple. It's a social happy pill.

However, at the same time, it breeds a society of demanding and conceited narcissicists. In the realm of the Internet, we become our own celebrities. We fragment ourselves in the same way celebrities do, sometimes creating whole new personalities online. We believe that our stories and daily activities are important and interesting enough for the world to know. We get sad when people fail to acknowledge and be amused by our outpourings. In a way, we have become our own gods, begging to be worshipped. The more friends or followers you have, the greater you are.

Avid site users are generally aware of their addictions. Like all addictions be it smoking, drinking, eating, loving, or shopping there are long-term effects that ultimately change you.

Hmmm…Maybe I should detox.

 

The act of returning to normal

On a sunny day in May, I sat on the side of the highway, feeling sorry for myself and watching cars zip by. I’d been coaxing an old Jeep Cherokee into motion for the past six months, and about three-quarters of the way between Duluth and Rochester, my best arguments failed, leaving me stranded. As I crested the hill on the south side of the Cannon River valley, the car’s engine roared, much too loud, then coughed and died.

This is my story of recovery. It is not as dramatic or grandiose as A Million Little Pieces or a million other recovery stories, but it is mine and it is true. I was drinking too much and not going to school enough. I was broke, my credit cards were maxed out, and I was exhausted. I was living my life for each individual moment, neglecting any subsequent moments, and paying a price for such self-indulgent behavior. As I sat waiting for the tow truck to pick me up, I realized the time had come for me to put away childish things and grow up.

In our February issue, we turn our eyes to recovery. Mark Murphy writes of love, loss, and recovery in his poetry titled Pomegranates, singing telephones, and night’s cloak. In her piece Toasting Poe, Cynthia Pelayo finds disappointment and recovery when she visits Edgar Allen Poe’s grave. Chelsea Rudman tells of her trip to Israel and her conflicting emotions in her piece, The Kotel. Jillian C. York reviews Footnotes in Gaza, a comic art take on life across the border in Gaza. We end with a look at Iceland’s recovery from its recent economic meltdown in Kekoa Kaluhiokalani’s Iceland after the fall.

Recovery is, by definition, the opposite of trauma, be it self-inflicted or imposed by the outside world. I would like to think the two are correlated: that every trauma has a corresponding recovery. But I know that this is not true. There are always those who do not recover, who will not recover. That is what makes recovery so precious: It is not like spring; it does not always come. There are no guarantees, and therefore it is always to be treasured.

I am a writer/editor turned web developer. I've served as both Editor-in-chief and Technical Developer of In The Fray Magazine over the past 5 years. I am gainfully employed, writing, editing and developing on the web for a small private college in Duluth, MN. I enjoy both silence and heavy metal, John Milton and Stephen King, sunrise and sunset. Like all of us, I contain multitudes.

 

Pomegranates, singing telephones, and night’s cloak

Three poems that speak to love, loss, and recovery.

Pomegranate

I imagine the scent of pomegranate.
 It stains the night air, like the smell of those Roman girls
dancing untamed around a shaft of stone.
 Across the hallway you are sleeping, the blood of martyrs
upon your tongue, the seed from our earlier love-making
coursing between your thighs, a talisman, a pledge.

 Long after midnight in another apartment — a telephone
is singing — a lover calling to his love. Soon I will be calling
to you across an ocean of secret tears — our last farewell
but a memory carried on the wind, our only thoughts then
   of arrival and reunion.

 When we meet again, you will wear the ancient wreath
of pomegranate, and so the caged bird shall sing once more
of freedom, as two hearts become one.

Silver ring
for Nora L. Hollin

Night has come unlooked for, once more,
with its assassins’ cloak, huge and worn
torn from the day, the light, copious hope, memory,
as though its coming could extinguish
the intended’s dream of belonging.
Ah! love cannot forget the ragged miracle
of the blind dove and lame grackle,
nor the drinkers’ fall from grace —
but life is hard for the poor, the path dreary and baked,
but nothing is forgotten, not the wild white rose,
nor the wild apples stolen from the tree —
the silver ring is everything, wilder than the rabid wind,
lighter than air, all that is worth living,
the blinding kiss upon the platform,
the promise of always took upon the knees.

The crossing

Now only the crossing matters
as we talk into the night,
our every word locked
with the secrets of the stars,

the dilemmas of the flesh
pressing urgently in air,
each possibility sowed in earth,
warming the heart with song.

Amid the benediction of rain
one heart waits for another,
awaiting elucidation, in time
even the unknown must be known —

what good to point to the rose,
the heaving breasts, the lyrical body
if the idea of the rose is superior
to the rose you hold?

Now only taking your clothes off
for the camera counts,
the small matters of love,
soon the crossing will take shape

as the divinities of sex bid us
to lie down with each other,
immersed in discovery, poised
between beauty and illusion.

 

The Kotel

A return to the past.

I admit my instinct was to say no when two friends urged me to take a free trip to Israel my senior year of college. I had known for years that even as a half-Jew I qualified for Birthright, a program that uses a combination of funds from wealthy donors and the Israeli government to send young American Jews on a free trip to Israel. But I never thought I would actually go. Raised as a Unitarian Universalist by a Jewish father and lapsed-Catholic mother, I wasn’t sure that my self-prescribed brand of Judaism (Passover in spring, Yom Kippur in fall, little prayer in between) made me qualified to claim a trip to Israel as my “birthright.” And I was squeamish, to say the least, about Israel’s less-than-savory policies regarding the Palestinians. As I explained to my father, “I don’t really know if I agree with all of Israel’s … foreign relations.”

“I think you’ll find a lot of Israelis agree with you,” he said. “Look, not every American agrees with what the government is doing here, right?”

I tried again. “But I’m not … very observant.”

He shrugged. “Neither are they, for the most part.” I confirmed this with Thomas Friedman’s From Beirut to Jerusalem, a guidebook to the 1980s Middle East that became my pre-trip primer on Israel. Friedman reported that Israelis tend to be more secular than American Jews, conceiving Judaism as a nationality besides a religion. “[The sense] in Israel,” Friedman writes, “[is that] the sky is Jewish, basketball is Jewish, the state is Jewish, and the airport is Jewish, so who needs to go to synagogue?”

Somewhat convinced, I signed up for Birthright. I pretended I would play reporter rather than pilgrim, picturing myself as a young, female Thomas Friedman who would jot dispassionate notes on the natives. Friedman, though objective in his coverage of Israel and its neighbors, is also Jewish, and, as it becomes clear in his book, viewed Israel as a possible prism through which to understand his own background. I wanted this too.

The much-feared test of my Jewishness came right at the beginning of my trip, when an Arkia flight attendant asked me for my Hebrew name at check-in. “I … I don’t have one,” I stammered.

She raised an eyebrow and asked softly, “And why is that?”

“Because … I didn’t make bat mitzvah,” I bumbled, unwittingly compounding my sin, as Hebrew names are given at birth. She scribbled something in Hebrew on a sticker and slapped it on my passport, then gestured me toward security. I stalked off, flushed and wondering if my passport now bore the Hebrew for “stupid goy.”

I was even more determined to “catch up” with the “real” Jews. During a stretch of insomnia somewhere over the Atlantic, I spent a few hours learning the alefbet from my friend Jordan. By the time we landed in Israel, I was sounding out written Hebrew left and right, decrypting words letter by letter to anyone who would listen. “Yi-teuh-zu-ah!” I read off a sign as we stumbled sleepily off our red-eye into the Israeli morning.

“Almost. Yetzi’ah,” said Jordan, smiling.

“Exit.”

“Good!”

Our big orange tour bus was waiting for us at Ben Gurion Airport. We met our guide, Saar, a towering, camel-faced man who sported a full beard and a gnarled ponytail of dreadlocks. The Birthright itinerary wastes no time — our bus whisked us from the airport straight to Jerusalem for a day of touring. On the bus ride, I asked my friend Joelle to teach me the Hebrew numbers from one to ten. We didn’t have a pen or paper, so she taught me aloud, repeating the numbers again and again. Outside the windows, a brown land of pomelo and date trees faded into sparse desert and then finally gathered into a low ridge of hills concealing Jerusalem.

Echad, shtayim, shalosh …” One, two, three … I frowned, not knowing how to say four in Hebrew. .

Arba,” said Joelle, dozing against a window pane.

Just outside the city center, we stopped at an outlook to take pictures. Blocky white buildings crowded the misty hills. The black and gray shapes of squat domes and pointed arches dotted panorama of stone. In the distance, we could see the golden crown of the Temple Mount. It looked exactly like the pictures I had seen painted on plates at my father’s cousin’s house: biblical. It was the place to which all Jews vowed to return every Passover: “Next year in Jerusalem!”

Then we headed straight for the most sacred part of Jerusalem, the Old City. Its tiny quarters — 0.35 square miles — house five ethnic neighborhoods, a few shopping arcades peddling trinkets, countless archeological digs, and some of the holiest sites in monotheism. Inside its massive, 500-year-old walls, sand-colored arches frame the maze of alleys and stairwells that spill down Jerusalem’s steep face, funneling visitors from the modern to the ancient. Feral cats stalk courtyards. Arab merchants hawk T-shirts and pomegranates from tiny shops and stalls.

Saar led us between museums and falafel stands, stopping every 10 minutes to point out this historic tower or that holy monument, punctuating his words with wild gestures from his plate-size hands. “Yeh-ruh-sheh-lai-uhm,” I slowly whispered aloud, squinting at the inscription on a Roman-era frieze and realizing, with a tingle of pleasure, that I was reading the Hebrew word for Jerusalem.

Then we arrived at the Kotel, the Western Wall. The Kotel is all that remains of the Second Temple, the last Holy House where Jews worshipped together as a nation in the days of David. At 62 feet high, it towers above visiting pilgrims, but its 187-foot length is a mere fraction of its original span. The temple was built in 515 B.C. and stood for six centuries until the Romans destroyed it, save its western wall, in 70 A.D. This is why the Kotel is also known as the Wailing Wall: Jews are meant to bemoan the ruin of Judaism’s holiest place of worship. Ancient Jewish law decrees, in fact, that Jews should rend their clothing upon sight of the Wall.

Today, only the ultra-orthodox haredim wail and moan at the Kotel, but their long black skirts, hats, and suits go unrent. But ritual still dictates the movement of everyone who visits. The face of the wall is divided in two by a long fence — men go one way, women, the other. I stood at the entrance to the women’s side for a long time, staring at the scrap of paper on which I was supposed to write a prayer. Watching the tide of black-robed, plain-clothed, and long-skirted pilgrims ebb and swell around the foot of the wall, I couldn’t help but picture the millions of Jews who had bowed, sobbed, and prayed here, whispering prayers in the language still inscribed on the rocks at my feet. Some of those pilgrims, I realized, must have carried the very genes that had gone on to battle their way through pogroms and purges, escaping eastern Europe onto a boat carrying people to America, including my 14-year-old great-grandmother, who never saw her parents again, whose lineage was passed down to my grandmother, who passed it to my father, who passed it to me. They were once here. And now I had returned.

I wrote a prayer on my paper and folded it into a tiny square. I squeezed through the masses and reached the wall itself. The stones were huge, massive, each block as tall as I could reach. I slipped the prayer into a crack, a white speck joining thousands, then touched my fingers to the wall and kissed it, as one kisses a prayer book after touching it to the Torah. I stood for a long time. Then I walked away backward, as one must, keeping my eyes on the Kotel for as long as I could.

I am an atheist. But here, I prayed.

 

Chelsea Rudman is an international development professional and freelance writer who lives in Washington, DC. Her writing has previously been published in the NY Press and Matador Travel.

 

Iceland after the fall

Notes from an icy island on the anniversary of its meltdown.

 

Undulating, moss-covered lava fields and grey skies surrounded me on the drive from Keflavik Airport to downtown Reykjavík, dubbed “101” or “the 101” by local hipsters. Speeding eastward along Route 41, I could see Faxaflói Bay spread out on my left and on my right; off in the far distance, sat the remnants of the former United States Air Force base. The surrounding landscape has been favorably compared to the surface of the moon, although I could not imagine the lunar surface looking so inviting. Navigating through the narrow streets of Reykjavík proved easier than I had anticipated, and after locating my small hotel on the western edge of the city, I checked in, refreshed myself, then left on foot for Laugavegur, Reykjavík’s commercial nerve center. It was barely eight in the morning.

Until its economy imploded in the early weeks of October 2008, Iceland had been for me, as it was for many of my contemporaries, best known as the home of a famous chess match, a U.S.-USSR summit that didn’t go so well in the 1980s, and a few quirky musicians. So it was a shock to discover that not only had the global financial tsunami lapped at the shores of remote, mysterious Iceland, but that the whole thing had nearly gone down in the span of a weekend. Who knew Iceland had such weapons of financial mass destruction? And who knew that it would end up turning these on itself?

Nearly a year after Iceland had almost fallen apart, I decided to visit Reykjavík to see for myself how Icelanders were faring. For the natives, rebuilding meant painful economic restructuring conducted under the glare of the international spotlight — and the attention was not always welcome nor, for that matter, kind. To me, Iceland’s collapse evoked pity and fear, as in it I saw reflected the fearful outcomes that might have struck my own fortunes had the U.S. economy not been so robustly buttressed.

A journey to Iceland, therefore, would be a touristic form of catharsis, an attempt to purge the unease of living in an economically unsafe world with a reassurance that if the Icelanders could keep themselves afloat, then there was hope for the rest of us. Call it a “recession vacation” or “vulture tourism”; either way, I wanted a front-row seat to one of the preeminent stories of the young millennium: a Western European democracy attempting to recover from total financial apocalypse and save itself from becoming the go-to punch line for the Great Global Financial Crisis of 2008.

The lay of the land

That first morning, I strolled through Austurvöllur, the public square facing the parliament building and the site of frequent protests, though on this morning the only signs of discontent were a row of placards planted along the edge of the sidewalk. No one else was around at the time, suggesting that whichever protest these signs had garnished had either taken a recess or was in preparation mode for later in the day. Though they were written in Icelandic, the boldface type, exclamation points, and earnest handwriting implied a manifest objection to the current state of affairs — though it seemed the height of Icelandic politeness that these signs, clearly left overnight, had stood at the edge of the square unmolested. Although it was only a few weeks past midsummer day, I felt the need to bundle up under fleece and winter coat, and thought perhaps I was being overcautious by allowing the “ice” in Iceland to convince me I had walked into a nation-size refrigerator.

In good time I navigated my way to Bankastraeti, and, as I had anticipated, the banks of Bankastraeti had been emptied — both literally and figuratively. The ghosts of decimated balanced sheets and lost savings accounts of nationals and foreigners were eerily called to mind by the residue of signage that had been haphazardly removed yet still lingered in faint sun-bleached traces on walls and windows. If trauma can be said to leave traces of heightened emotion in the places where such tragedies occurred, then Bankastraeti oozed the psychic residue of intense suffering and made me shudder. It felt unclean and unsafe.

After a short distance, Bankastraeti morphed into Laugavegur. The cityscape, such as it was, rose gently up a hill, but upon reaching the main drag, I found Laugavegur and its side streets littered with broken bottles, garbage, and puddles of multicolored liquid drying in the cool morning, as if a cyclone had ripped through the world’s largest liquor and vomit store and dumped the refuse across central Reykjavík. More ominous, however, were the shop windows. Although it was clear that the stores and boutiques were in business, filled with merchandise and accepting all major credit cards, almost every one of them had displayed somewhere on the glass the word útsala. Sale. Clothes, souvenirs, sunglasses, books, bicycles, even Dolce & Gabbana were discounted at 50 percent, 60 percent, 70 percent off. Deserted art galleries were another common feature, most of them depressingly emptied and abandoned, while others, barely operational, had unpurchased wares clearly visible through somber windows.

 

In the mercantile mise-en-scène of Lagevular, I could perceive a palimpsest of Iceland’s mercurial rise and fall. The functional if not entirely imaginative architecture of the row of shops betrayed a recent past life as a thriving yet quaint high street. Then, when the good times and good money rolled in, these storefronts were swiftly appropriated for high fashion, big-ticket luxury consumer goods, piled Gucci-high and Prada-deep. Yet with all these trappings, it was still easy to determine that these establishments had not been originally fashioned for fashion; the interiors were too plain, too dull. What I observed that morning was the third and saddest phase: the fire-sale panic of desperation, útsala signs superscripted over these august labels like diacritical marks of economic depression.

To get a better look at the city, I made my way up to the majestic Hallgrimskirkja, the Lutheran church that commanded an impressive view over all of Reykjavík. Its massive front, built to resemble pillars of columnar basalt, was unfortunately obscured by scaffolding, providing an unflattering backdrop for the majestic statue of Leif Erikson perched out front. Seen from the top of Hallgrimskirkja, Reykjavík in the Saturday morning sun lacked the gravitas one would naturally expect from a world capital. Suspended, as it were, both geologically and symbolically betwixt America and Europe, it lacked both the Old World weltanschauung of London or Paris and the New World, nouveau riche glitz of New York City. It was clear, however, that from its most recent financial gambit, Iceland was struggling to become a significant something — if not a mirror of its peers, then a distinctive North Atlantic equivalent — and this desire for that distinctive something-ness could be seen in the manic architectural eruptions on its fringes, mainly in the suburbs and along the waterfront in the form of glass and steel monoliths and Scandinavian-inspired high-rises.

Yet a collateral benefit of Iceland’s quest for something-ness has been Reykjavík’s transformation into a multicultural metropolis. With a population of nearly 120,000 (over 200,000 with suburbs included), greater Reykjavík accounts for nearly two-thirds of Iceland’s population of 320,000, 7.4 percent of which are foreign citizens. The majority of these are Central and Eastern Europeans. However, a substantial portion of this figure is made up of Africans and Asians. Up until the crisis hit, Iceland’s surging economy had necessitated the rapid importation of mass labor, mostly for the construction and service sectors. In 2000, the foreign population of Iceland numbered only 7,271, mostly in Reykjavík. By 2007, however, the boom was heating up, and 18,563 foreigners were living and working in Iceland. By the end of 2008, the year the banks crashed and the economy soured, the immigrant population stood at 23,421.

In absolute terms, 23,421 might not seem so significant. For Reykjavík, however, the sudden introduction of outsiders was not so much culture shock as culture electrocution. This sudden, rapid influx of foreigners propelled suburban expansion in Reykjavík (“do not shoplift” signs around the city are written in six languages, including Polish and Vietnamese). It also led to a serendipitous collateral industry: foreign restaurants. Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Italian, and even Nepalese restaurants dot the city and draw brisk business.

 

Saturday night runtur

Upon leaving Hallgrimskirkja, I heard a low rumbling accompanied by a loud hiss and the sound of breaking glass coming from below. I scrambled around a corner only to be nearly run over by a convoy of massive street-sweeping trucks. These large, cubical creatures slowly grazed on the filth lining the roads, scrubbing away the glass, trash, and puke with gigantic rotating brushes and sprays of pressurized water. In mere minutes, all traces of the mess were gone, and the beasts lumbered on to filthier pastures. Standing in the midst of what had only moments before been a trash heap, I was astounded that such chaos could be so smoothly transformed into order.

The disarray I had witnessed was not in fact the result of Iceland’s transformation into a dystopian trash heap, but rather the leftovers from the previous night’s runtur, the world’s most amicable kegger. On Friday and Saturday nights, a drinking ritual is reenacted, where Icelanders shed their northerly reticence, drive in circles, and — especially in the case of Reykjavíkians — drink themselves into a state of friendliness. Whether on the streets or in the bars, when Icelanders get excessively drunk, they don’t get mean; they get nice.

Eager to join in the festivities, I spent the rest of the day in low-energy pursuits, mainly museums and people-watching. Austurvöllur was crowded with locals and tourists, and the only indicator of disquiet was a lone protester standing in front of the parliament building. Surrounded by his poster and banging a gong, the white-haired man spent the afternoon howling invectives into a megaphone. Meanwhile, nearby throngs of Icelanders relaxed, sunbathed, and took advantage of the free Wi-Fi in the square, hardly noticing the man with the gong.

Later that night, I engaged Icelandic culture on its own alcohol-fueled terms. Returning to Laugavegur, I found the streets transformed into a spontaneous celebration and packed with revelers. Well-dressed adolescents with Hoxton fins and popped collars comingled with larger, older, more tastefully clad folk walking, driving, staggering, and occasionally singing their way across the city. I found myself greeted and smiled at by random strangers, tipsy teens apologized sincerely for accidentally bumping into me, and scores of 20-somethings honked and waved at me from their cars. The streets, especially Laugavegur, were choked with cars which were in turn choked with smiling occupants. Revelry, merriment, and politeness were in fluid abundance under the fuchsia glow of a sun that refused to dip too far below the horizon. If there were any harsh financial difficulties being suffered by those present, I could sense none of it amongst the runtur revelers that night, at least as long as the beer and brennavin (the local caraway-flavored schnapps) flowed, nor did it seem appropriate that night to spoil everyone’s pleasure by asking about unpleasant topics.

Instead, I literally went with the flow, in this case the flow of people, cars, and drink, which swept me down Laugavegur, up Hverfisgötu, and all through the backstreets and alleys, from bar to bar and club to club. I philosophized with strangers (in English, of course) and at one point observed two rowdy drunks being counseled to calm down by the police — and their complying without complaint. As I sat in the back of a gay bar at 4:00 a.m., umpteenth drink in hand, rockabilly band playing American hits, and women in scarves and poodle skirts dancing the night away, I was overwhelmed with an inexplicable sense of optimism.

As the hours passed and the midnight sun gave the sky a rose-tinted hue (although this could have easily been the effect of my bloodshot eyes), the litter accumulated, glass bottles were broken on sidewalks and in gutters, and puddles of puke blossomed anew on the pavement like wildflowers after an 80-proof rainstorm. This time, however, I wasn’t so worried as I was earlier that day. Perhaps it was too much of a leap to see in the runtur a metaphor of Iceland’s attitude about weathering its own grim economic forecast. That is, despite the hardships of the present, maybe all the driving in circles, drinking, and wild abandon would eventually get fixed somehow and by someone else, preferably whilst everyone was asleep. Then again, maybe this time the hangover of financial runtur might not be so easily sprayed clean by the even-handed application of state resources as Reykjavík’s streets were every weekend morning. Still, it was a comforting thought, as I made my way in the general direction of my hotel, that someone else was going to clean up this mess.

When financial hardship is not enough, add humiliation

The facts of Iceland’s economic collapse, like Sunday morning in Reykjavík, are startlingly bright, hard to ignore, and well known to everyone. The triumvirate — some would say the bankocracy — of Landsbanki, Glitnir, and Kauphthing banks had gambled big and lost bigger, the ratio of debt to the gross domestic product (GDP) being the neighborhood of around €50 billion to €8.5 billion. The nationalization of these institutions set off a chain of events resulting in austerity measures, political unrest, gallows humor, and the mass spontaneous combustions of Land Rovers by owners who preferred to destroy their vehicles and collect the insurance rather than be forced to pay them off. Unemployment, which had been 1 percent in 2007, had risen to 9.1 percent by February 2009 before settling to 7.2 percent the following October. The GDP sank 3.3 percent in the first three quarters of 2009.

And then there were the humiliations. As a price for breaching global financial decorum and actually falling apart, Iceland would suffer the shame of the public stockade. U.K. Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling famously invoked an antiterrorism law in order to protect the funds of British citizens who had deposited money in Iceland banks. At the news that the International Money Fund (IMF) had agreed to provide funds to stabilize the Icelandic economy, a mob of angry protesters assembled in front of the Althing, Iceland’s parliament building, demanding Prime Minister Geir Haarde’s resignation. President Olafur Ragnar Grimsson created a mild diplomatic stir when, in an attempt at self-effacing obsequiousness, he offered the Russians use of the abandoned U.S. airbase at Keflavik, apparently in exchange for a helper loan. (The offer was politely declined.) Michael Lewis, writing for Vanity Fair, added to the feast-of-fools atmosphere by describing in comic-horror vignettes the testosterone-juiced ineptitude underpinning the risky financial machinations of Iceland’s banks, while Icelanders were portrayed as chauvinist, sexist, and entirely inept xenophobes.

Iceland as financial terrorist. Iceland as fourth-world country. Iceland as Russia’s toady. Iceland as a financial idiot playing with nuclear weapons and getting radiation burns. To these one might add one more characterization that surfaced in the press just as Iceland was well under water: the ever-so-embarrassing detail that a majority of Icelanders reportedly “[did not] deny the existence of elves”and that consequently major construction projects had to wait for certification that no elves would be harmed. Iceland as elf-believers. It seemed that — in the case of Iceland’s recent historical catastrophe, anyway — the first time for Iceland was both tragedy and farce.

These were not appealing narratives, particularly for a country that had been, until recently, the poster child for the transformative power of bold financial risk-taking. A nation of speculator-spenders, buoyed by yen swaps and ebullient optimism, had seen its worldwide profile rise so precipitously that when the end came as spectacularly as it did, there was nowhere to hide from the shame of it all — the end came on too fast. The Reykjavík daily newspaper, Morgunblađiđ, reported that 50 percent of Icelanders aged 18 to 24 were considering leaving for good, no doubt to avoid the shame of living in a state with such clumsy bankers and politicians.

The “Library of Water”: the cure for tourist guilt

There was one other form of humiliation laid over the bad figures and the bad press afflicting Iceland: a spike in tourism, the ironic upside of having one’s currency devalued so viciously. Tourist shilling is a special form of humiliation, one that compresses economic necessity and local hospitality customs with the need to “perform” one’s self and one’s identity for the entertainment and edification of eager outsiders. Tourism certainly brings in the foreign capital, but at times the cost to one’s self-esteem can be as devastating as the financial meltdown itself, and in Iceland’s case, the 2009 tourism numbers sped upward almost as soon as news of the country’s collapse in October 2008, whereas Europe’s tourism industry declined across the board. It seemed that many like me had targeted Iceland for a recession vacation of their own.

Thus, over the next few days, I gingerly set forth to look for signs of economic recovery in ways I hoped would inflict the least embarrassment both for them and for me — call it tourist guilt. Unfortunately for my guilty conscience, my first stop turned out to be the most well-trodden of tourist haunts — the Golden Circle. Hovering over Reykjavík like a halo of geological wonders, the Golden Circle comprises an impressive array of natural and historical sites: the _ingvellir, the site of Iceland’s ancient parliament, founded in 930 A.D.; Gullfoss, a spectacular waterfall; and the Haukadalur Valley, home of Geysir, from which all geysers are named. The route took us past volcano craters both dormant and extinct, mirror-smooth lakes bursting with char, and a vast geological rupture that ran like a long, thin valley for miles. It was the Mid-Atlantic Ridge exposed to plain air, the meeting point of the American and European plates.

Over the next few days I spread out and covered more ground, the pangs of tourist guilt gently subsiding under the spell of Iceland’s brooding panoramas. I hitched a ride to Nesjavellir to see a geothermal plant, and later that day I caught a bus to Skógar and hiked up a segment of Sólheimajökull, an easily accessible arm of the Mýrdalsjökull glacier. Decked out with crampons and an ice ax, and avoiding crevasses and sinkholes, I made my way up several kilometers of aquamarine ice bespeckled with the ash and pebbles of a century-old eruption. Underneath the ice cap lurked Katla, a volcano that had last exploded in 1918 and whose threatened reawakening was a constant source of gossip and fearful speculation for the locals.

Along the way and at every stop, contrary to what I had heard about Icelanders’ legendary reticence, the locals I met and interacted with seemed willing enough to opine on the landscape, geology, local mythology, and crisis facing their country. The common refrains I heard were variations of familiar bromides about waiting things out and hoping for the best. Their responses brought to mind a house I saw near a mountainside on the trip back from the Golden Circle, a small, bright green summer cottage that happened to be completely surrounded by boulders the size of baby brontosauruses. Having been built so near a mountain ridge on an island prone to earthquakes, the builder was just asking for trouble; and yet when the big one hit, the house was miraculous spared. There was bold fatalism in that house, similar to the shrug that I saw Icelanders interject as they reflected on their economic travails.

On my last extended day trip, I met the chattiest Icelander, Magnús. I was set on visiting the seaside town of Stykkishólmer, resting on the southern edge of the Breiðafjörður fjord on Iceland’s west coast and apparently home to the best runtur in Iceland. My intention was to pay a visit to a particular art installation titled “Vatnasafn” (“Library of Water”) by the American artist Roni Horn, which consisted of water samples taken from various natural sources — mostly glaciers — from across Iceland and placed into tall, clear, pillar-like cylinders.

Magnús, my driver, spoke without ceasing, digressing with authority on biology, geology, architecture, and Icelandic history and mythology. He expounded on the sagas and showed me a path allegedly worn into the solid lava of Berserkjahraun by two feuding Vikings. At another point he stopped the car and asked me to listen to the landscape with him. Though it was an odd request, especially coming from someone who spoke so much, I indulged him, and for a few choice minutes together we stood at the side of the road, the sound of wind rushing down steep hillsides.

Back in the car he asked, “Would you like to try hákarl?”

For the uninitiated, hákarl is the preserved flesh of Greenland shark, famous for its nauseating smell and taste which reportedly once made Gordon Ramsay throw up. Catching Greenland shark the traditional way involves hooking it, wrestling it into your sailing vessel, then severing its spine below the skull while avoiding having your own spine snapped by its hideous jaws. Since the flesh is saturated with uric acid (the better to survive cold North Atlantic waters), Greenland shark meat is sliced into large sections, buried for several weeks, then hung to dry — or, if you prefer, rot — for many months afterward. The resulting product is a spongy meat the color of alabaster, usually cut in cubes, reeking of violent death. I was game.

After reaching Bjarnahöfn, an out-of-the-way farm at the end of a long, unpaved driveway, I found ways to delay the inevitable tasting that would surely cause me intestinal distress: I admired the horses, breathed the fresh air, and speculated on the unusual tools I saw hanging on the wall outside one of the buildings. A few meters away I saw a trailer with a blue tarp, its edges held down by ropes. I observed a child approach the tarp and lift one of its corners, revealing the sliced corpse of a recently caught shark. The proprietor of the farm was a longtime hákarl maker from a long line of hákarl makers, although on that day he was away, so Magnús introduced me to the hákarl maker’s grandson, who proudly showed off a collection of hooks and curio memorabilia arranged in a makeshift museum. Weird stuffed animals stood sentinel over ancient fishhooks and yellowed photographs of unsmiling fishermen. A well-preserved fishing boat was propped up on one side of the museum-shed, surrounded by desiccated shark faces and other seafaring accoutrements.

Set out on a table, unassuming yet foreboding, was a container of hákarl, with no alcohol chaser within easy reach. Even from a distance the smell was overpowering, and I hesitated before impulsively taking the plunge, spearing a piece with a toothpick and popping it in my mouth. My strategy was to chew and swallow quickly, then run for the door to projectile vomit — it would be over in seconds. Surprisingly, I was not overcome, neither by fumes nor flavor. As I chewed warily, the aroma, texture, and mouthfeel reminded me of the kinds of dried fish I used to eat in Hawaii where I grew up, minus the queasy formaldehyde-like after burn, though when offered I gently refused a second taste. That I had bested Gordon Ramsay just once was enough of a victory for me.

Shortly thereafter we headed on to Stykkishólmer, Magnús’s hometown. I was dropped off near the harbor with instructions on when I’d be retrieved. Breiðafjörður, the bay upon which Stykkishólmer sits, contains thousands of islands of varying size and a diverse array of birds and sea life, and I would have been remiss not to go out for at least a few hours and explore. I caught a tour boat that took me around some of Breiðafjörður’s major islands, remote and forbidding, crammed with puffins, guillemots, gulls, and even an eagle. The islands were unruly masses of columnar basalt rising vertically (and sometimes horizontally) out of the depths of the sea so steeply that the boat could sidle within arm’s reach of a cliff without threat of running aground. The stone looked like so much rebar gathered, twisted and misshapen with scant tufts of greenery tossed in to enhance the island effect. I could understand the impulse to design Hallgrimskirkja after these formations, as the islands themselves exuded a cathedral-like solemnity (minus Hallgrimskirkja’s fascistic undertones). The empty homes of especially brave farmers were planted on select islets scattered in the bay, and I noted the sheep grazing away, oblivious to us and their precarious isolation.

Back at Stykkishólmer, I hiked up the tallest hill to get a view of the harbor and environs and to visit the former town library, which had been altered to be the home of Roni Horn’s “Vatnasafn.” As I walked in, I was invited to put surgical booties over my shoes so as not to disturb the rubber flooring laid down as part of the installation. I found the columns of water scattered throughout the open rooms, and on the floor were words, mostly in English, expressing different moods: happy, sad, indifferent. As the light shifted during the course of the day, different moods would be emphasized by the refracted light of the water. From one of the large bay windows I could see a fancifully designed white church made out of stylish, modernist gestures (I later learned that Magnús had taken part in its construction, although he was not a churchgoing man himself). In another I saw a two chairs and a table with a half-played chess game. It was quiet, sunny, and warm inside the artwork, a welcome respite from the cool summer air outside, and yet I wondered, as I left, what had happened to the real library that “Vatnasafn”  had replaced.

On the drive back to Reykjavík, I drew up the courage to ask Magnús about his views of the economic distress. He knew things were bad, but living in Stykkishólmer, so far from the center of things, was both insulating and isolating, and he seemed content to let things work themselves out. As we drove through landscape dotted with volcano cones and craters, he mentioned the 1973 Eldfell eruption on the island of Heimaey. Faced with the loss of the harbor so crucial to the island’s economic survival, Iceland engineered a heroic rescue operation that involved pumping millions of gallons of seawater onto the advancing lava, cooling and diverting it. Despite the substantial destruction of property and a mass evacuation, the herculean effort succeeded in holding back the lava, and Heimaey was saved. And as if to add triumph upon triumph, the islanders managed to generate electricity and hot water from the residual volcanic heat and resurface the tiny local airport with the volcanic fallout.

Perhaps this is how Icelanders saw themselves and their relationship to the crisis looming before them. Hovering in the nether realms of the national sub-conscience, the Eldfell response showed how Icelanders could save property, prevent mass emigration, and turn destructive heat into productive energy through persistence, engineering, and a bit of luck. It was a tempting thesis, and I tried it out on Magnús. He shrugged the summer-cottage-in-the-boulder-field shrug.

The whales of July

On my final afternoon in Iceland I went whale-watching in Faxaflói Bay. As we chugged out of the harbor, I could see stark reminders of the building boom gone bust: half-built or empty buildings lining the shore. A sliver of an office tower, clad in floor-to-ceiling glass windows, stood imposing but hollow.

Although the puffins were unaccommodating that afternoon, the whales were abundant, and an especially frisky humpback emerged from the deep and whipped the tourists into a photo-taking frenzy. It spouted, flipped its tail several times, and approached so close to the boat that I could smell its fishy breath whenever it exhaled. Several minke whales later joined in.

On the return trip I befriended two women, an Icelander named Johanna and her co-worker, a Chinese exchange student. Both attended university and were taking the day off from their part-time hotel jobs. We spoke generally about the whales and the lack of puffins, then later compared digital pictures of the sea life.

I delicately brought up the subject of the economic crisis.

“It was crazy,” she began. “Too much money and not enough workers. Every high school student had a full-time job. Every day they would come home from classes and then start working.”

She said that even before the crisis it was the Icelandic way to graduate: incur debt buying homes and other luxuries, then spend a lifetime paying it all off. Generous government housing subsidies had set the stage for the madness that followed, and more easily available credit accelerated home-building and housing speculation ad absurdum. I asked her if she had felt the same compulsion to borrow and spend as her peers had, but she claimed she hadn’t.

“We’re probably going to join the EU,” she said with a sigh as we clung to the observation deck bars. “Things will probably get worse before they get better. But I’m not worried.”

“So you’re optimistic,” I suggested.

“Oh God, no,” she replied. “I’m moving to Vienna to live with my boyfriend. There aren’t any jobs here.”