In five days I’ll be married. My fiancé and I decided to keep the wedding small, but it’s still crashed a powerful wave through my routine of normal life.

The in-laws are meeting, deadlines approaching, and our relatives are traveling across the country. Meanwhile, money is  flying out of my bank account faster than I can say “budget.”

It’s all in the name of love.

But not just love. Since we allow ourselves to become so invested in the idea of "the wedding" (eloping is easier, cheaper, and probably less stress), there must be something more that it represents, something justifying the mental, physical, emotional, and financial investment that is given to that one day.

Couples who’ve lived together for years and feel deeply in love don’t throw themselves a party to validate their relationship. So the wedding must be about something else, something really important that’s worth everyone’s attention. Right?

For me there are a few reasons for choosing the wedding over elopement. Here they are summed up: family, family politics, the chance to wear a big white dress, family expectations, and…family.

All the brides I’ve spoken with (three) say that family was a key aspect in their wedding. For better or worse, these people are the ones who raised you, the ones you can’t divorce, and the ones with whom you want to share your life-marking events.

Weddings bring out tensions, arguments, compromises, gossip, and stress for families on both sides of the wedding party. YET – grandmothers live for this sort of thing, mothers jump on the chance to plan the details, fathers take pride as they give away daughters, and little nieces dream of walking down the aisle while scattering petals.  It is a special day because of these people’s involvement.

I look forward to my wedding because I’ll be committing to a man I love completely, but honestly, I’d be doing that whether we stayed non-married partners or ran off to Vegas for quickie nuptials.

Getting married – that’s for me and my partner. But the wedding, that’s for my family. Maybe it sounds crazy, but if you’re a bride you probably know what I mean.

Maybe non-married couples should throw themselves a party to celebrate their awesome lives. Why not? My bet: by the time they finish with the planning, they’ll have invited the second cousins, registered for flatware, and learned a little too much about everyone involved.

But that’s what it’s about: sharing something great with those who have marked your life in positive ways.

So yes, wedding chaos is endured in the name of love. Family love.

In The Fray Contributor