I’ll admit to being very jaundiced about that particular subject. A prison term will do that. As an inmate, I was an eyewitness to so many concrete examples of violent behavior that cynicism has become my constant companion. There were mass beatings, torture, stabbings, and rapes, just to name a few things. There is certain stillness in a room before a fight breaks out. It’s almost as if the oxygen is sucked out of the room and time virtually stands still. In the dining hall one evening, an inmate threw homemade acid on someone who had made critical comments about her girlfriend. Unfortunately, that woman will be disfigured for life and forever damaged for some idle gossip.

There were the zombie inmates; at least that’s what I called them. I made the mistake of looking one of them in the eye. “Now I know what they mean by "soul-less." I shuddered as if someone walked across my grave. Literally, there was nothing human about those zombie inmates; the humanity was seared out of them long ago. If one met such a person on the street, most of us would cross to the other side, feeling a vague nameless foreboding; our fight-or-flight instinct would kick in immediately.

I am no longer surprised when I see violent women depicted in the media. Meeting these women in person is sobering. They kill, maim, and abuse their children, but they are always innocent, blaming a spouse, drugs, or an abusive background. One woman I met shot her husband 25 times in the face with a shotgun, tried to get acquitted, and repeatedly appealed her conviction because of unproven allegations of spousal abuse, which I feel is the modern-day equivalent of the “Twinkie” defense. The court rightfully decided that the re-loading of the shotgun indicated some sort of intent and, as far as I know, she‘s still there still exhibiting no remorse.

There are many such stories. One of my old roommates attempted to kill her husband by putting Drain-O in his soda can. Obviously, she wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the box because the Drain-O melted the tin can. She tried to blame her actions on being abused also. It turns out that she was angry because the poor man cut off her access to his accounts because she was spending all of their money on methamphetamine. Again, no remorse for almost killing the poor man, not to mention the psychological damage she caused their children.

It is unfortunate that the domestic violence defense is so abused because there are many women who suffer daily from this epidemic, living almost a concentration camp existence. The prison term opened my eyes as there are many who would take something that has validity and twist it to suit their own advantage.

The soldier mentioned in my first paragraph also had “zombie” eyes as she turned her grinning face to the camera leaning over some tortured soul’s corpse and, even after being punished, still exhibits no remorse.

Video games, television, rap music, advertising has all contributed to our becoming the deadlier of the species. There is a new Quentin Tarantino movie being advertised that shows a comely woman in a short skirt with a machine gun for a leg. Typical movie — random violence, carnage, and death ensue; violence for violence's sake. I know I don’t want my children to see that garbage.

I spent almost two years of my life in a dog-eat-dog environment. I am saddened at my own battle with desensitization and am in constant mourning for my lost innocence. I hope one day to lose “my prison face” and regain my Pollyanna attitude.

Kathleen Mary Rowe-Glendon