For the sake of protecting marriage, more and more states are making it illegal for gays to marry. If we allow gays to marry, we will be breaking down this historical institution. Now, marriage needs someone to rush to its defense. After all, over half of all marriages end in divorce. If a company produced a product that failed fifty percent of the time, it would go bankrupt, and we witness the bankruptcy of marriage. So in order to protect marriage, I pose the following possible solutions:

1)Make divorce illegal. What better way of protecting marriage than by not allowing citizens to get out of it except by death? We can take away everyone’s civil rights and protect marriage all at the same time!

2)Since marriage should create an environment for positive and healthy families, let’s allow only people of child-bearing age who are fertile to get married. Women with potential pregnancy complications need not apply.

3)Everyone is only allowed one marriage. If your first husband or wife dies or is abusive, well at least you got the one shot.

The point is that all of the laws we pass or policies we create are going to be as ridiculous as the last one. On September 29th, the Terminator terminated a bill that would have legalized same-sex marriage in California—and maybe this is necessary. Perhaps the voters of California will vote for same-sex marriages, and Schwarzenegger’s veto will become a waste of media space.

Brett Currier