It was brutal. Reprehensible. Unforgivable.

Yet somehow, Ron Artest, NBA sideshow and professional thug managed to take barbarism to new heights. After leaping into the stands to choke a kid in the third-row bleachers and coldcocking a Pistons fan mouthing off to him, the Pacers forward made a conciliatory appearance on the Today show.

Or did he?

Matt Lauer, who seemed to be engaged more in heavyweight shadowboxing than anything, asked Artest what should be done about his reckless and violent behavior. It’s hard to imagine how this overpaid primadonna might respond. Luckily for everyone he cleared everything up: It’s the fans’ fault!

“It was the third time I had been hit with something in the crowd,” he said. “They should hold off. They shouldn’t have been throwing stuff.”

Phew! It’s a good thing he cleared that up. Rule 1: Fans should expect to be assaulted by any athlete that has paper cups thrown at him. This isn’t as ridiculous as it may seem; after all, it was self-defense.

“The cup almost hit me in the eye,” said Artest. And how exactly did a cup almost hit him in the eye? He was lying down on the scorers’ table. Rule 2: NBA players can lie down anywhere they please. This
includes scorers’ tables, fans’ laps, and even the middle of the court.

But in moves that have even John Kerry scratching his head, Artest, despite the 24-hour replay of the videotape, says, “I’ve never hurt anybody, and I think that’s important.”

Among the other notable quotables that Artest flung around like dirty socks during the Today interview were:

“I’ve really tried to change the image of the league,” (which is true — the NBA used to be a place where world-class athletes and sportsmen like Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson met, and now it’s just another playground where tattooed hoods play streetball for big bucks).

“I respect David Stern’s decisions but I don’t think I should be out for the whole season. I really want to play this year.” And he shouldn’t be out for the rest of the season, he should be out of the league completely and in a jail cell. Only in America can you punch someone on camera and not be charged with a crime.  

“Sometimes things happen … people go to war, but we don’t want to go to war; nobody wants to die you know, but things happen and you try to make everything positive.” Maybe Artest does know John Kerry. He has an interesting penchant for changing the subject and blaming other people for his failures, as well as aggrandizing his self-victimization. Artest is comparing his predicament to those now “forced” to fight in Iraq.

But Ron Artest is trying to stay positive. He’s got a new album coming out.

“It’s all about love,” he says.