“Fox News. Fair and Balanced.”

If you have a hard time uttering the network’s catchphrase without laughing, get in line. Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism, Robert Greenwald’s documentary, dissects the cable news channel notoriously heavy on conservative punditry that allows only nominal opposing viewpoints. Outfoxed is playing in rep
houses as well as house parties of members of Common Cause, True Majority, and MoveOn.Org (the latter is the film’s co-presenter). The DVD is also available for online purchase.

In response to Fox’s claim of being “fair and balanced” (Sean Hannity’s announcements of X number of days until George W. Bush secures a second term sounds awfully skewed), the activist groups urged members to write the Federal Trade Commission. The objective is to have the slogan declared false advertising as applied to Fox News (if you haven’t done so already, click on their sites and send
an email today).

If that campaign doesn’t deter Fox, here’s a plan B: they could still use the slogan, however, like the pharmaceutical companies’ ads for their meds, Fox must disclose the side effects of exposure and its recommendations. Below is my recommended advisory (Thanks to Al Franken for fearlessly satirizing “fair and balanced.” At least I won’t have to lawyer up).

WARNING: Entering the No-Spin Zone of “The O’Reilly Factor” may cause vertigo. Symptoms of Tourette’s syndrome, such as repeating “shut up,” may also occur.

Those with visual problems should avoid moving graphics like text crawls, as some say they may promote astigmatism.

Heavy bombardment of red, white, and blue images could cause blind patriotism. An aversion to things associated with France is likely to happen.

Risk of hearing loss can be diminished by turning down the volume whenever Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity are on.

Anxiety levels may vary depending on the actual importance of The Big Question or Fox News Alerts. Stories on celebrities cause the least detriment to mental health.

Fox News is highly repetitive. Prolonged exposure is recommended only for those with attention deficit disorder.

Dissociation from fact and commentary is known to occur during “Talking Points.”

Cognition problems are three times more likely in Fox News viewers than in those who get news from public broadcasting. Consult a physician immediately if you sight weapons of mass destruction or connections of terrorists to the Democratic Party.

In The Fray Contributor