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Not so sentimental after all


As far as I’m concerned, there are at least three kinds of SPAM email these days. One is the “get a larger penis/larger breasts/you’ve won the lottery” kind of spam sent to everyone with an email address. The second type, somewhat similar to the third, is the mass circulation of a funny joke, funny pictures, etc., among friends, family members, and colleagues. In this day and age when it can sometimes be difficult to consider much in life a laughing matter, this type of email can be a lifesaver. But like the first type, this type of email rarely parades around, pretending to be personal and seeking to warm your heart. The third type, which I am most concerned with, is the “mass forward” — those emails that at times will seem heartfelt but at others will be considered a waste of space and time, quickly becoming victims of the delete button.

I received one of the latter types of SPAM this evening from a distant relative whom I never see. It was one of those “What if your best friend died tomorrow and didn’t know that you cared about him/her? … Forward this to at least ten people immediately or you will be doomed to a life without friends. And make sure you send this back to the person who sent this to you so s/he knows you care” emails.

And, of course, this “personal” email reminding me to care and love the people in my life wasn’t just sent to me. It was sent to everyone in my aunt’s email address book. Sure, for a moment, I thought, “That’s nice.” But then I noticed that she really seemed to have sent it to everyone in her address book.

Does that mean she loves us all equally and wants us to know that she cares? Or is this just an easy way to remind us: “Hey, I’m still alive, why haven’t you been in touch with me? The ball’s in your court now, and I’ll know you don’t care about me if I’m not one of the ten people you send this email back to?” Sure, the latter probably isn’t what she’s thinking (at least I hope not!), but on some level, that’s what the mass email is. It’s an efficient means to reach out to everyone you know at once without offering anything resembling a personal touch or requiring you to take time out of your busy life for the people you care for.

After all, it takes maybe a minute to send (maybe less depending on the speed of your computer). Yes, it might take far more time to send a personal email or pick up the phone and call each of the people in your address book. (Heaven forbid you really put the people in your life first and make an effort to show them that they matter!). Do I really know that you care if I, along with everyone else you have ever received an email from, receives this email? All I really know is that you care enough to put me in your address book (though with my email program, at least, it automatically saves the email addresses from every email I’ve ever received and puts them into my address book — so if I ever hit “reply to all,” I’m sure that some of those spammers offering me insight on how to get bigger breasts or how to lose 85 pounds without ever exercising or dieting would receive that email). Not exactly personal since I’ve never met those folks (at least not to the best of my knowledge).

The mass sentimental email is, in many regards, something akin to the sentimental greeting card. I’m not a fan of buying cards of the sappy genre because I figure it’s always better to say those things myself, to sound more sincere and a little less like someone who is a good shopper for sentimental greeting cards. I’ve made this complaint to friends before, some of whom have reminded me that such cards and forwarded emails provide a means for people who are not good at expressing their feelings to do so. But are they really expressing their own feelings, or are they merely latching onto — even purchasing — someone else’s words to avoid having to confront their own fears and emotions — and in many instances, their own dearth of time or misguided priorities about who and what matters most?

So yes, while the Internet might provide us an easier means to tell everyone we know how much we care, it can’t guarantee that they’ll take such gestures seriously. It might even turn them off, allowing them to think that that’s all the time you’ve got to give to them.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “And this doesn’t sound like a cheesy Hallmark card?!” Feel free to think that. I wrote it all by myself — though I was inspired, I suppose, by the mass sentimental email. I suppose it means that the email served its purpose: It made me think. Just probably not in the positive, uplifting way its author intended.

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