Like everything else on the interweb, this is probably old news to all of you. But I saw the "I Beat Anorexia" t-shirt for the first time last week.
Well, first I saw the slogan on a banner on a website, next to the story about France's new law (making pro-ana anything illegal, from blogs to runways) and thought, I must have that. I'm a survivor and damn proud of it. Five minutes later, after a simple Google images search, I wasn't cheering; I was crying.
This is what I get? Aside from an obese medical file, a lifelong medical condition which, without medication, would leave me paralyzed after three months and dead after six (the $200 co-pay stings a bit, too), and the possibility that I'll never be able to have a child, this really adds insult to injury. Thanks a lot.
I'm not easily offended, but this one hurt, deeply. My years of pain and the permanent damage I've done to my body are not a joke. I survived, but so many others won't.
Anorexia has the highest death rate of any psychiatric disorder (and the lowest health insurance coverage). While every other mental illness can drive a person to suicide, no other can kill a person on its own. The heart won't stop, the organs won't fail, infertility does not set in. So many more people (both women and men) struggle with it for years, the walking dead. There's life, death, and the purgatory of living with an eating disorder.
Even though a person can never be "cured," it is possible to survive, to live healthier and happier than before. If I can do it, there must be others. There aren't too many to be found online. On the one hand, this troubles me because maybe I'm that rare. But then I hope, however many of us there are, we're too busy living our lives to go online and talk about our weight.
What I did find will have to be enough, for me and others looking for the same. "Life After Anorexia" yields the most results, mostly of memoirs and personal stories and websites. The story of Hayley Wilde from the U.K. stands out for me. The 20-year-old Wilde just gave birth to a son, three years after her skeletal frame hovered near death. Wilde, now so happy, so alive, should give everyone hope that they can recover too. She gives me the hope that motherhood is still possible.
If you are a survivor and you do want something with the slogan on it (in a triumphant, not cruel way), I found that too, on CaféPress.com. The only problem is, a few vaguely pro-ana products are mixed in with the others. You can boycott the site because of it, but then you'd also have to boycott Amazon and every other online retailer.
So many people walk around with clothing proclaiming that they survived cancer or even had abortions. Why not tell the world this?
As for the law in France, I don't think it's a bad idea. The same would be done to an advertisement or site advocating drug use, suicide, or murder. It's no different — it's still promoting the destruction of human lives.
Personally, I don't believe the media and fashion industry alone are responsible. Too many anorexics and bulimics attack their bodies to cope with abuse, traumatic experiences, or other emotional problems, not to mention genetic predispositions. But the industries have to take some responsibility. Fashion, throughout history, has not just sold clothing but an image. Whether it's a cinched waste, a hairstyle, tanned skin, or a hairless crotch, we model ourselves on the images they sell us. They take pride in their ability to make us want the hair, the makeup, the bag, the sunglasses, the dress, the shoes, and the nails, yet deny having any influence on how small we are willing to make ourselves to completely achieve the "look." The size of the model is specifically chosen by the agency, the casting people, photographers, clothing designers, editors, publishers, and advertisers. The consumer does not just want the dress or the shoes — they want thighs that don't touch and ribs you can count.
I can't tell anyone how to get past anorexia — I'm not a doctor, and my story is, of course, different from every one else's. But I can tell you this: to get past it, you have to want to live more than you want to be thin.
I hope you all have the support, the professional help, and the will to live. I promise you — feeling alive beats feeling thin.
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