1:38 a.m. Oh, but Romney is a Mormon, so no wine for him. Poor man has to suffer through Not-So-Super Wednesday without the solace of sauce. 

12:55 a.m. Okay, I’m off to bed. I leave you where we began: utterly clueless. Clinton is the frontrunner? Obama ties in delegates? Huckabee is king of the South? McCain is a happy warrior? The only thing I know is that Romney is whining into a wine glass right now. To be continued.

12:54 a.m. Howard Fineman reminds us that Huckabee flies coach. 

12:48 a.m. They ran out of ballots in New Mexico. No idea when they’ll count that. Maybe the Supreme Court should weigh in.

Chuck Todd is doing some funny math on the screen again. He estimates 837 delegates to Clinton vs. 841 to Obama. Pretty amazing if it turns out to be true. Every delegate counts — apparently Clinton’s campaign was doing phonebanking in American Samoa to get more delegates there.

12:43 a.m. Obama wins Alaska!

12:41 a.m. Obama wins in Missouri by a nose.

12:37 a.m. The pundits on MSNBC are saying it’s a "tie" on the Democratic side. Now the minions of each candidate are saying how that "tie" is in their favor. I know they really believe in their cause, which is comforting, but it’s just hard to listen to the underlings root for their candidates, because the b.s. meter keeps going off. If they say "ready on day one" one more time I’ll throw my wine glass at the TV.

12:35 a.m. Back on the armchair. Is this over yet? Norah O’Donnell: "How many conservatives are going to bed popping Ambien" because of McCain’s victories tonight?

12:29 a.m. Sorry, have to take a break to clip my pregnant wife’s toenails. 

12:28 a.m. Off to ABC News. There’s a quote from a woman on Facebook who’s saying that she’s more excited about Super Tuesday than American Idol. Ah, the humanity!

12:21 a.m. Brokaw quoting McCain: "I’m a happy warrior." Sorry, the context escapes me, but it sounds nice, doesn’t it? He’s waging war, but he can be happy about that.

12:15 a.m. McCain wins California. Roundhouse kick to the face of Chuck Norris. But Romney is dead in the water, the pundits say. Have his supporters come out for him tonight? "They haven’t!"

12:12 a.m. Clinton wins California. Again, no one listens to Hollywood. Either that, or Jack Nicholson trumps Robert De Niro. 

12:11 a.m. Brokaw: "What we have in the Republican Party is the Humpty-Dumpty factor." Ah, where is Dan Rather when you need him? He’d be pulling these one-liners out three every six seconds. Remember that one about frogs having pockets and carrying firearms? Or something like that.

12:06 a.m. I was watching PBS but have switched back to MSNBC. Instantaneous election analysis is by its very nature fairly useless commentary, sort of like the news equivalent of Chinese food —  you watch six hours of it, and then the next day you’re still hungry for real information. So if I’m getting useless information, I guess should be watching Chris Matthews and waiting for another of his poetically random observations. ("No whine before its time!")

12:03 a.m. Ron Paul got a quarter of the vote in Montana. Not surprising, perhaps, in a state without a speed limit. Take that, big government!

12:01 a.m. Mark Shields of PBS’ Newshour points out that Clinton is the candidate of people collecting Social Security checks.

11:59 p.m. Okay, it’s not the networks, just PBS and some cable outlets. 

11:56 p.m. I have to say it’s nice that each of the candidates is actually getting some air time on the networks. When do you ever see candidates get to give stump speeches except when the election is over?

11:50 p.m. "Yes, we can!" "U-S-A!" "They haven’t!" (No, I haven’t even had any wine.)

11:48 p.m. Obama is speaking. I think both McCain and Clinton make a lot of sense in their speeches, but there’s something forced in their oratory. Obama is the best speechmaker, Huckabee is the quintessential guy who claps your back and tells a corny joke, which makes you laugh in spite of your better judgment.  

Obama is the inspirational speaker, but I have to say I’m getting a bit tired of this tired poetic imagery of Iowa cornfields and New Hampshire hills and Nevada deserts. What’s next, California strip malls?

11:40 p.m. I actually like the fact that Huckabee can fly coach. (I don’t know if he does: This is the kind of question you need a pundit to answer.) I also like that his wife (I assume it’s his wife, standing next to him when he speaks) is normal-looking. She looks like someone’s nice aunt. McCain and Romney are surely lucky men, but it is just me or do their wives look exactly alike? Blonde and smiling. Nice teeth. Okay, it’s just me.

Wow, McCain just said he’s the frontrunner. Is that the kiss of death? Keep your expectations in check, Mac.

11:32 p.m. Is it me, or is this whole pundit thing about regurgitating each candidate’s carefully calibrated expectations  and then saying he lost because he performed worse than expectations and she won because she performed better? The higher level of punditry then involves scoffing at the expectation management of the candidates and their spinning of who won and lost.

Tim Russert is saying that Huckabee is the kind of candidate who can fly coach.

11:21 p.m. MSNBC’s Chuck Todd is scrawling random figures on the Super Tuesday map in red (virtual) marker. The horserace has now turned into a football game. I’m waiting for someone to make a gratuitous Superbowl reference, invoking Eli Manning and fourth quarter comebacks. Wait, that was Tom Brokaw three hours ago. 

11:19 p.m. Romney spoke to his supporters. He says a line about how Washington won’t provide health care, how Washington won’t keep America safe, etc. etc., and then the audience yells, "They haven’t." I’m told that he’s done this more than once. It feels like a high school pep rally. I expect a guy in a cougar suit to start jumping around, maybe a few cheerleaders.

It hasn’t been a great night so far for the ex-governor. Everyone is piling on Mitt. The chickens came home to roost down South — first McCain and Paul supporters went for Huckabee to spite Romney in West Virginia, and now Huckabee is slaughtering him throughout the rest of the South. His rivals on the campaign trail seem to take special glee in bringing down Romney, even more so than McCain, probably because of Romney’s relentless negativity from early on in the race.

Huckabee says Romney is "whining" about his loss in West Virginia by alleging a deal between the other candidates to get him. "No whine before its time!" MSNBC’s Chris Matthews chimes in. Someone has had too much wine, methinks.

Victor Tan Chen is In The Fray‘s editor in chief and the author of Cut Loose: Jobless and Hopeless in an Unfair Economy. Site: victortanchen.com | Facebook | Twitter: @victortanchen

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