The Asians are back

It’s very sad and disturbing that in this day and age, this stereotype is coming from a large and global company like Adidas.


Vincent Pan, executive director of Chinese for Affirmative Action in San Francisco, referring to Adidas’ new $250 “Yellow Series Y1 Huf” sneakers, emblazoned with a yellow drawing of a young Asian boy who sports bowl-cut hair, a pig nose, and bares his buck teeth.

Adidas, for its part, denies the accusations of racism and cites the fact that the image was drawn by U.S. graffiti artist Barry McGee, who has used the drawing in anti-racist commentary. Unlike the previous Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts, also emblazoned with images of Asians — although this time with caricatured faces, garb, commentary (such as “Wong Brothers Laundry Service — Two Wongs Can Make It White,”) and no irony — which caused a furor and sparked accusations of racism, Adidas’ ploy might be better-intentioned. However, Barry McGee’s drawing, stripped of its context, loses its edginess and instead becomes mired in sloppy commentary on race relations that encourages misinterpretation.

Mimi Hanaoka

 

Immigration nation

We’re going to have an endless parade of illegal immigrants here in our country.
— House Majority Leader John Boehner

As Mexican immigrants continue to be criminalized for making their way into the U.S., I think about my parents’ journeys to this country and how little they fit into the spin of what Mexican immigrants represent. Thieves, rapists, murderers. Lazy, slothful, deceitful.

My mother’s family came from Mexico via Texas. The oldest daughter, she made her way to California through the fields. Literally. My mother picked cotton, fruit, and vegetables and met my father, who found his way from the Philippines, in that same soil.

Starting a family, my parents put the oldest of their brood to work right alongside them, hours of walking, bending, picking in the sun and the dust. Lazy? Slothful? Not quite. And, as far as I know, they never stole, raped, or killed anyone.

Just as my parents don’t fit the stereotype, the overwhelming majority of Mexican immigrants don’t either. They don’t risk their lives to cross into a country that devalues their skills, asks them to do jobs that “we” wouldn’t do, and gives them no credit for their contributions.

We ask them to be invisible, until it’s time to get them the hell out.  

The cycle of criminalizing immigrants continues. Instead of buying the tired old stereotype trotted out every time the status quo feels threatened by the different-colored faces in their midst, “we” the people need to do a little thinking.

One of the easiest ways might be to look to our own family’s history. Why did our immigrant families choose to come to the United States? Do they fit into the stereotypes of immigrant criminals? We know the answers. Now, all we have to do is keep asking those questions before we close the doors on everyone else.

Desiree Aquino

 

When in the course of human events does it become necessary?

Seymour Hersh’s frightening article in The New Yorker tells us not only that Bush is planning to attack Iran but that he is considering using nuclear weapons to do so.  Given all the anonymous sources, it’s hard to be sure how seriously to take it.  Perhaps it is all part of some behind-the-scenes negotiating strategy, but it also doesn’t seem wise to believe that these people recognize just how crazy their ideas are.  The kicker line from some defense official is that they believe “a sustained bombing campaign in Iran will humiliate the religious leadership and lead the public to rise up and overthrow the government.”  Doesn’t that sound like exactly the kind of thing that they might believe?

When the administration geared up to attack Iraq, I thought about what my response should be.  On moral grounds, I felt that removing Saddam was the right thing to do.  In the real world, though, the chances of the cure being worse than the disease looked awfully high.

I went to some futile protests, where I got to walk with some supporters of the North Korean regime.  Later I watched on television as “Shock and Awe” began the inevitable disaster that Iraq has been.  I felt hopeless and turned away to disengagement.  To pacify my conflicted feelings, I told myself I wouldn’t stand by if it came to attacking Iran.  There is no moral or pragmatic confusion — bombing Iran would be both evil and idiotic.

Now it seems that the day may be arriving soon, perhaps in time for midterm elections.  If Bush decides to attack Iran with nukes, what responsibility do we have as Americans?  When do we say enough is enough, risk our comfortable lives, and take action by any means necessary?

Pete DeWan

 

Why your tuna has a layover in Tokyo

I’ve been in Tokyo for a day now, and today I visited the Tsukiji fish market, the world’s largest, which handles more than 400 types of seafood…

I’ve been in Tokyo for a day now, and today I visited the Tsukiji fish market, the world’s largest, which handles more than 400 types of seafood every day. This includes fresh tuna weighing more than 600 pounds each, which are auctioned off in frenzied early-morning bidding and then quickly find their way into sushi bars across the country and around the world.

The irony is that many of these tuna are caught in waters off the coast of New England, then are shipped overnight to Tsukiji in Tokyo — and then, if deemed premium grade, may actually make their way back to America for sale in top-end sushi bars.

This article in Foreign Policy provides a fascinating look at the global network of fishermen, fishmongers, and businesspeople who bring that fresh pink tuna onto your dinner plate. Here’s one paragraph worth pondering:

Not to impugn the quality of the fish sold in the United States, but on the New England docks, the first determination of tuna buyers is whether they are looking at a “domestic” fish or an “export” fish. On that judgment hangs several dollars a pound for the fisher, and the supply of sashimi-grade tuna for fishmongers, sushi bars, and seafood restaurants up and down the Eastern seaboard. Some of the best tuna from New England may make it to New York or Los Angeles, but by way of Tokyo — validated as top quality (and top price) by the decision to ship it to Japan by air for sale at Tsukiji, where it may be purchased by one of the handful of Tsukiji sushi exporters who supply premier expatriate sushi chefs in the world’s leading cities.

So what value does that around-the-world jaunt from New England to Tokyo and back actually impart to your wasabi-laden sushi roll? Nothing more than the stamp of approval of a certified Japanese tuna buyer — one worth a substantial amount of money in this global fish market.

Of course, this may not be so strange a concept if you remember all the “American” brand-name products that are manufactured in far-off lands, with no real U.S. connection except for, at best, a corporate headquarters still rooted (thanks to generous tax breaks) in some random city. Even the label “Made in America” can sometimes mean parts produced in Mexico and China were merely clamped and welded together in a domestic factory.

In the interconnected world of today, rich countries like America and Japan may not build or produce anything in their own factories anymore, but they sure know good value — enough to charge a hefty premium for it.

Victor Tan Chen

Victor Tan Chen is In The Fray's editor in chief and the author of Cut Loose: Jobless and Hopeless in an Unfair Economy. Site: victortanchen.com | Facebook | Twitter: @victortanchen

 

TV vs. the Web — friends or foes?

On Wednesday the big headline all over the media landscape was that Katie Couric finally decided to move her perky but serious persona to CBS News to host their evening national newscast.  Is this big news?  Will this change the way we all govern our lives? Ten or twenty years ago it would have been the story of the year, but today, I’m not so sure.  The proliferation of cable, satellite, and the Internet has either leveled the playing field or decimated traditional information outlets, depending on if you’re old or new media.

If you break the current media landscape down to two main sources, you have television on one side and the Web on the other, with each having good and bad qualities.  Overall, you have to say that the Web is probably the best tool ever invented to efficiently and conveniently spread information out to the most people, but it has no human personality — just plain old information.  Oh, yes, certain websites have a certain look to them and you can play videos and have conference calls, but it’s more like the telephone — a means to an end.

Television, on the other hand, is an end to a means.  It has lots of personality — actually, it is mostly all personality, especially now that there are a gazillion channels from which to choose.  By this definition, television is more human, but it lacks the ability to communicate information effectively and conveniently for the best interests of the viewer.  Getting back to Katie Couric, she works on television because she is all personality — you watch because you like her, not because you’re trying to get information from her.  You sit at your computer and click to CNN.com or a number of other news websites to strictly get news and information.  Even the so-called cable news channels have switched to the all-personality method.  CNN did start 25 years ago almost like a website, delivering the headlines over and over, to which you simply tuned in for a few minutes until they would begin repeating themselves.  Then the first Gulf War showed them that people would stay and watch longer when certain interesting news personalities were on the air, such as Bernard Shaw, Peter Arnett, Wolf Blitzer, and the Scud Stud, Arthur Kent, the dashing correspondent that wooed a lot of women to watch the first TV war.  

Now all news on TV is entertainment to some degree, whether it’s Bill O’Reilly or Billy Bush.  The Web is still strictly a no-nonsense, fact-finding, information-tool kind of media where each website pretty much is interchangeable and the difference is more of how it is delivered than how it emotionally connects to people.  What is the future?  Television cannot continue strictly as entertainment and be as powerful as it has since the 1950s.  The Web won’t just stay the way it is because people will begin to demand more personality.  The result will be the merging of the two media, which is slowly beginning to happen as we speak.  I think in the not-so-distant future, all homes will have one information portal, whether through one or a combination of technologies, i.e., cable, wireless, telephony.  You may certainly have multiple screens in various rooms, but through these screens you will communicate with others (picture and voice), watch entertainment, obtain news and information, and monitor your home’s systems.  It will be a combination television, computer, telephone, stereo, and appliance.  And you’ll be able to take it all with you on a handheld duplicate version, all geared to your personal specifications.  Your spouse, kids, roommates, and in-laws would all have their own versions programmed to their own tastes and needs.  

So when Katie Couric announces that she’s leaving the Today show and switching to the CBS Evening News, don’t believe it’s going to change America.  That’s more a job for Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and the clever person who came up with podcasting (Adam Curry).

Rich Burlingham

null

 

Letting the girls live

The medical profession is doing all it can though we have to address this as a social evil. People should be proud to have a girl child.

Dr. Vinay Agarwal, president of the Indian Medical Association, speaking about the first conviction leading to a jail sentence in India for a doctor and his X-ray technician for determining the sex of a female fetus, which they then agreed to abort based on its gender.  Dr. Anil Sabhani and his assistant Kartar Singh were sentenced to two years in jail and a fine for agreeing to abort a female fetus in 2001.

India banned gender testing for fetuses and abortions based on the results in 1994. Traditional biases and crippling dowry prices have made female lives significantly more expendable than those of their male counterparts; medical journal The Lancet estimates that ten million female fetuses were aborted during the past two decades as a result of gender determination, a practice which has ratcheted up the gender imbalance as high as 793 girls to every 1,000 boys in the state of Punjab.

Mimi Hanaoka

 

War powers remain in legal limbo

The U.S. Supreme Court refused today to hear a legal challenge to the president’s war powers brought by Jose Padilla, a U.S. citizen who was he…

The U.S. Supreme Court refused today to hear a legal challenge to the president’s war powers brought by Jose Padilla, a U.S. citizen who was held until recently as an “enemy combatant” without basic legal rights. The court’s majority pointed out that since the Bush administration moved Padilla after 3 1/2 years from military to civilian custody, the appeal was now “hypothetical.” (Forget that the administration transferred Padilla precisely to avoid any such legal questioning of its wartime policies.) But by not taking up the case, the court has left unanswered key questions about the president’s wartime authority to circumvent or defy the Constitution. The administration will continue with dubious measures it insists are legal, and critics will continue to be able to do nothing about it. What, you may ask, is the purpose of a Supreme Court, if it cannot resolve these divisive wartime issues?

It’s important to remember this kind of legal uncertainty encourages abuse. We can see this at U.S.-run prison camps in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere, where the administration’s failure to dictate clear policies encouraged soldiers to make their own conclusions about what treatment was “humane” and what was not — with tragic results.

Victor Tan Chen

Victor Tan Chen is In The Fray's editor in chief and the author of Cut Loose: Jobless and Hopeless in an Unfair Economy. Site: victortanchen.com | Facebook | Twitter: @victortanchen

 

The dreams that got away

issue banner

Spring is the season for daydreaming. But just as quickly as the season fades into summer, so too do our dreams vanish right before our eyes.

In this issue of InTheFray, we highlight stories concerning the fleeting nature of our dreams and expectations. We begin on the streets of Manhattan, where ITF Contributing Writer Erin Marie Daly offers us a poignant glimpse of the taxing, scarcely acknowledged existence of homeless transgender teens in How many strikes. We then board Brooklyn’s Q train with Iraq war veteran Boris Pukhovitskiy, whose Homecoming from a 16-month tour of duty in Iraq forces him to bridge the world he left behind with a changing New York landscape.

Meanwhile, in Kenya, Marian Smith’s conscience gets the best of her when she sees the Maasai’s dung houses standing alongside her own luxurious accommodations during A summer of gracious living. But as she discovers, she’s the only one troubled by this disparity.

Back in the United States, Ellen Wernecke exposes just how illusive such gracious living is for Americans on welfare in her insightful review of Jason DeParle’s American Dreams. Rounding out this month’s stories is Kimberlee Soo’s Covergirl, an all-too-familiar tale of a little sister who aspires to her older sister’s beauty, only to discover her sister also longs for something more.

Thanks for reading!

Laura Nathan
Editor
Buffalo, New York

Coming soon: A whole new look and feel to our website!

"b better in the morning" by artist David Choe.

Covergirl

When a beauty ideal meets the real.

 

"b better in the morning" by artist David Choe.
"b better in the morning" by artist David Choe.

I am 11 years old, sitting in my sister’s car. It is my “special day.” She is applying lipstick at a red light with the expertise of someone who now goes to college. The light turns green and she sticks the lipstick tube between her front teeth and reaches to change gears. Trina drives a stick shift. She is strong. I’m going to drive a stick shift.

“Here” she says, and hands me the tube. My heart tap dances. “It’s more orange-red,” she says without looking at me, “you’d be better in blue-red.”

Trina drives with the window down and doesn’t care if her Sun-In blonde hair whips her in the face because she knows she is beautiful. When I am done smearing this wondrous substance across my lips my hands are still shaking. Trina says, “Just throw it in my purse” and I do, slowly, so I can get a good look inside. I see her powder case and study the colors of her eye shadow, imagining them on my almond shaped eyes. I ask her what the plastic pink compact is and she says, “None of your business” and grabs her purse from my hand and tosses it in the back seat. As usual, I’ve pushed my luck.

At the next stoplight the truck in the lane to our left revs its engine. The front seat is packed with high school boys. I know this because they have the same Hilhi Spartan’s decal on their window that my older brother has on his clarinet case. They glance our way – Trina’s way – and call out, “Hey, you,” and I waffle between shrinking and desperately wanting to be seen ‘cause I’m wearing lipstick! Trina laughs with a wide opened mouth, head tossed back, braces finally off, killer laugh, and says, “Hey what?” And I think, BRILLIANT. She always knows just what to say!

The boy leans out the window, his hand resting on the mirror. A hand that looks wide enough to cover the entire surface of my face. I imagine this briefly and think of my lips leaving a fresh mark on the palm of that boy’s hand and my cheeks turn red. But I know he isn’t looking at me. It’s gonna take a lot more than orange-red lipstick.

The light has turned green and I am ready to have my sister back, but she has shifted slightly in their direction, both perfect breasts pointing their way. The radio is playing ROCK and I try desperately to move coolly, inhibited by the seatbelt Trina insists I wear. Her shoulder strap fits ideally between her perfect breasts and makes her t-shirt even tighter. My t-shirt is long and baggy and covers my butt when I stand, and I have pulled my shoulder strap down under my right arm so it won’t rub against my neck (or accentuate the flatlands of my chest). In this moment, with that truckload of boys peeping in, I would give anything to have Trina’s breasts. I sit, trying to be relaxed and tall with my black bangs cutting straight across my forehead, the sweat beginning to form at the hairline. I wish we were moving.

The boys are still trying to get Trina’s number and I want to scream, “HELLO, THIS IS MY SPECIAL DAY! I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT AND I DON’T HAVE TO DO CHORES AND NO ONE CAN TALK IN CODE OR TELL ME TO SCRAM …” but I don’t. Instead I fumble through the cassette tapes shoved in the glove compartment and then I study the floor. There are empty tab cans, sugar free gum wrappers, and a Shape magazine. Trina is healthy. She works out at a gym where the women walk around the locker room naked and the bulky shiny men wear yellow spandex.

Finally we drive. Trina’s car smells of cigarettes and Angelfire, recently sprayed. She tries to hide her smoking habit from me because she knows somewhere deep that I will do whatever she does (and because she isn’t convinced that she is a smoker).

“I think the guy in the middle was checkin’ you out.” she says.

I start giggling manically, “NO WAY!”

“Totally,” she says, ”with that lipstick you look at least 13.”

While I want to believe her, I can tell she is trying to be nice because she starts biting her lip like she does when she’s nervous or LYING or has to sing a solo at church.

We park at the mall and I take crazy long Trina-sized steps to keep up. It makes my calves hurt. But I can’t slow down; can’t let her see that I am struggling. Trina is COOL. And when I am with her, when I can keep up with her, I am COOL.

I haven’t been to the mall since my mom took me bra shopping earlier in the school year and insisted on coming into the fitting room with me. Trina asks me if I want an Orange Julius and I say, “nah, I’m not hungry …” when I’m actually starving but I don’t want to mess up my lipstick.

We run into Fred Meyer’s (which is the kind of place where I can spend a whole summer’s allowance. It’s like, K-Mart meets Payless Shoes meets the Dollar Store). Trina needs nylons. I go with but veer into the make-up aisle scanning the rows of pretty plastic until I see it. Covergirl. YEAH. I am sweating and eager and breathless but cannot find a lipstick called BLUE-RED. BUT I do find the eye shadow that Trina wears and I feel so victorious I actually consider slipping it into my pocket and walking. But I don’t.

In line behind my sister, I hold my breath wondering if she will stop me from making this dangerously adult purchase. The cashier rings me up and I pull out my sparkly pink plastic wallet with the little mirror in the flap and fake rhinestone closure and think, someday I’ll have a red leather purse and matching high heels and credit cards and no bangs. I make eye contact with Trina and she smiles for a half a second and then she is easily distracted by Luke & Laura on the cover of Soap Opera Digest.

My hand is sticky as I hold the bag, and I tell Trina I have to go to the bathroom. “Meet me in the food court. I need caffeine,” she says, and we head off in opposite directions.

I am so close.

Once situated in a stall on the far end away from the door I wipe my hands on my jeans near the spot I have been trying to work into a hole. I get my wallet/mirror and then pull out my first ever Covergirl eye shadow. I peel off the back, careful not to damage the instructions. There is a diagram and I can see that I am just three easy steps away from changing my life FOREVER.

Step one tells me to apply the lightest shade to my entire eyelid. I do this while trying to keep the soft sparkly blue from dusting my black eye brows. Niiiiiiiice. [EXHALE] On to step two. I take the skinniest side of the application wand and the darkest shade and drag it across my lash line. I do one eye and then the next. (And then I go back and forth and back and forth trying to make them look the same! Eh, close enough.)

I am ready for step three. I read. Apply contour shade to the eyelid crease.

I grip the application wand and steady my gaze in the mirror.

I bring the wand to my eye.

And then I freeze.

Only now do I see it.

I have no crease.

No crease in my eyelid for the contour shade.

No place for blending.

No place to create depth.

There is no step three for me.

I will never be beautiful.

Ever. NEVER EVER.

The stall feels crowded, the walls are pressing in and I am dizzy. I slide off the toilet seat onto the cool tiles and lift the lid, resting my chin on the edge. My head could fit in that toilet bowl, I think. I could stuff my head in there … But then I envision Trina, having finished her diet soda (and maybe small fries if she plans on going to the gym tonight) LOOKING for me, making her way toward the ladies room, FINDING ME, face down … I wipe off step one and two and hurry to the food court. I can’t tell if Trina is checking me for signs of her eye shadow because I am careful not to look at her.

We start walking back toward the exit, and Trina catches her breath and says, “Wow, check him out, he’s from the gym.” She exhales, and I see the red rise in her cheeks, and she starts biting her lip.

Then everything goes SLO-MO.

I see, coming toward us, this amazing boy, no, this amazing MAN, with faded jeans slightly frayed at the edges, Doc Martins squeaking as he approaches. He has gorgeous guitar player hands and I nearly gasp audibly when he reaches up and pushes his thick chocolaty hair (a la Rick Springfield) away from his mile long lashes. This guy is magic and I can’t feel my feet.

Trina’s hips sway with each step. The GUY slides his guitar player hands deep into his pockets. Trina flips her Sun-In blonde hair over her shoulder with a carelessness that I know she does not feel.

And then, when the GUY is inches away from Trina, I see him lift his chin slightly and smile a flawless “never even needed braces” smile UP at Trina. He is now at a complete stop, body turning in towards her, an opening line poised on his stubbled, recently licked, lips.

But she doesn’t slow down, doesn’t smile. I slam back to reality as we speed away from the magical guy. A few seconds later Trina says “Too bad.” I’m so confused. What flaw does she see in him that I can’t see?

We are almost to the car when she says again, “Too bad.”

I stay completely silent, hoping she will forget I am there and just keep talking.

“You’re lucky you’re short.”

I don’t answer because I am sure that she is making fun of me.

“You’ll be able to date anyone you want,” she says. “It totally SUCKS to be this tall.”

I am surprised. And DELIGHTED. I steal a glance at her. My beautiful sister. Then I notice for the first time EVER how she slumps her shoulders when she walks, like she’s apologizing for being WAY UP THERE.

And I think of the family picture we recently took. Trina is center, the edge of the shot just skimming the top of her head. I am in front of her, little and cut off at the knees. Neither of us FITS. I imagine someone pulling the camera back just slightly to accommodate both of us, so you can see ALL of me and ALL of Trina.

Trina notices me noticing her and winks.

“Yeah, they’re gonna love you.”

Maybe, I think. And then we walk. And I take me-sized steps all the way back to the car.

 

Homecoming

An Iraq war veteran returns on the Q train.

 

I thanked a fellow soldier for dropping me off at the train station. The man behind the glass waved his hand when I tried to pay the fare and pointed to the metal door. I smiled and hurried to hop on the train.

The Q train would take me right where I wanted to be. For the first time in almost 16 months, I was on the subway. Everything looked too familiar. The only strange thing was my clothing. My desert uniform, faded from the bright Iraqi sun and stretched from frequent washing; my worn-out boots, rucksack on my back, and the look on my face surely gave me away as a soldier returning from overseas.

I struggled to be oblivious to the curious faces turned toward me. I had no desire to answer any questions or acknowledge them. I was enjoying the ride, knowing that I would not return to Iraq ever again. Though familiar, the surroundings looked different, as I imagined they would after my absence.

The real reason this particular ride felt so different was that I was traveling on my own. There was no company of comrades by my side. I also missed the feel of my assault rifle’s sling around my shoulder.

I challenged my mind to think about something else. But how could I? I caught myself eyeing every movement, every detail around me, not because I expected something to happen, but because I had learned to be observant.

It was one hour before midnight, yet there were so many people out — not an unusual sight in Brooklyn. In some 30 minutes, I would be walking into my parent’s place. My wife was also expecting me there. I could hardly picture what it would be like to see them. They would never stop asking questions.

Just then, I noticed a poorly dressed couple drunkenly arguing with each other as they entered, their voices rising above the drumming of the wheels. The sleepy passengers stayed clear and disregarded them. Two teenagers with coffee cups raced over to the empty spot on the bench near me.

A person can expect anything to happen on a train in Brooklyn at that hour, I thought.

The doors opened and closed. My mind raced back. I remembered Iraq, the last evening when I was sitting outside the tent before boarding a bus to the airport. An explosion could be heard in the distance beyond the wire. I didn’t care. There was nothing I could do. For me, it had been scarier waiting to go on patrol than actually patrolling. But that evening I rejoiced because I had finished my tour, I wasn’t going on patrols anymore, and I was ready to fly home. As usual, it was more than 90 degrees that evening. The blazing sun and stifling heat emanating from the ground made it difficult to stay alert for a prolonged time.

The heat-trapping bulletproof vest and gear added at least 20 pounds on me. Soldiers complained about the weight and discomfort, but wore them during missions and inside the camp when ordered. At the end of every patrol, I always appreciated cool air. That was in the past now.

Holding the handrail, I glanced over my right hand and recalled the patrol on a hot day in May when an antitank grenade and another explosive were thrown at the vehicle I was driving. That day, it was my turn to drive the last vehicle in convoy. The grenades carry a copper charge that, when heated, turns into plasma that can slice through armor. This particular charge penetrated the transparent armor in front of me and stopped inches from my hands. Later I found small, burned dots over my sleeves.

The adrenaline rush was surreal. Such charges are the most lethal weapon used against the coalition forces in Iraq. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was as I stared at my bloody hands. The dust and smoke all around made it nearly impossible to discern whether everybody was alive. The blown-up tires added to the frenzy, as I tried to control the vehicle. The explosions damaged the gunner’s ear, but otherwise we were okay. Then the pain settled in. It was nothing I couldn’t tolerate, but my hand swelled and I was unable to use it for a few days.

When we finally stopped and secured the area, I was surprised to find that Iraqi civilians weren’t afraid. In fact, it was just the opposite. They gathered around, watching mostly in silence. It was not the first time we had come under attack, but this was the closest I had come in harm‘s way. The attackers dispersed, as they did most of the time, leaving us no chance to fight back. I was taken to a medical facility, and my patrols stopped for a while. I found out later that no useful information had been obtained from the bystanders. I didn‘t blame them.

I was glad to learn that the gunner did not sustain serious injuries in the attack. My hands also healed in time. The speck — shrapnel too small to be surgically removed — could be seen on an X-ray of my right hand. Although the incident happened more than five months ago, I remembered it clearly.

 

 

The train exited the tunnel and was approaching a stop. The doors opened, and the cool night air rushed in. No new passengers entered the car. Those who remained inside seemed oblivious of me as well as of everything else around us. The quarrelling couple was silent, and the teenagers looked out the window behind them. A few seats became available, but I chose to continue standing. I had spent too long sitting on a bus, traveling to the armory where the army finally released me.

As the train started to slow, the teenagers became anxious. I would think it normal to be uneasy traveling without supervision at their age, but there was something unusual in the way they jumped up when the train halted. Before running out, one of the kids threw the coffee cup, aiming at the tipsy woman in the corner. Neither the passengers nor I flinched. The cup missed, hitting the wall above the woman’s head. The lid flew off, the cup’s contents splashing over the woman, who muttered something under her breath. I kept a sharp eye on the kids, as they ran across the platform toward the staircase. The train then made a clucking noise and started to leave the station.

I was surprised at how calm the passengers, including the couple, were.

There was no perceptible way to know whether anybody cared, even though they clearly saw what had just happened. With the exception of a bulky man asleep with headphones, all the passengers looked as if they were stoned. For a few brief seconds, they moved their eyes slightly in the direction of the distressed woman, who tried to brush off the liquid. The man across from her paid no attention. Nothing followed but the beat of the moving train.

I stood there shocked, thinking that an action like that could get a man killed in a war zone. There was no way to know what the kid had in his hand. It all happened too fast. I was surprised to find myself standing motionless, not dropping to the floor or looking for concealment.

But it didn’t matter. The train was carrying me closer to my destination.

I haven’t seen my family since December when I had a two-week furlough.

I got off the train at Kings Highway. Almost home, I was delighted to be back.

 

Covergirl

When a beauty ideal meets the real.

‘b better in the morning’ by artist David Choe

I am 11 years old, sitting in my sister’s car. It is my “special day.” She is applying lipstick at a red light with the expertise of someone who now goes to college. The light turns green and she sticks the lipstick tube between her front teeth and reaches to change gears. Trina drives a stick shift. She is strong. I’m going to drive a stick shift.

“Here” she says, and hands me the tube. My heart tap dances. “It’s more orange-red,” she says without looking at me, “you’d be better in blue-red.”

Trina drives with the window down and doesn’t care if her Sun-In blonde hair whips her in the face because she knows she is beautiful. When I am done smearing this wondrous substance across my lips my hands are still shaking. Trina says, “Just throw it in my purse” and I do, slowly, so I can get a good look inside. I see her powder case and study the colors of her eye shadow, imagining them on my almond shaped eyes. I ask her what the plastic pink compact is and she says, “None of your business” and grabs her purse from my hand and tosses it in the back seat. As usual, I’ve pushed my luck.

At the next stoplight the truck in the lane to our left revs its engine. The front seat is packed with high school boys. I know this because they have the same Hilhi Spartan’s decal on their window that my older brother has on his clarinet case. They glance our way – Trina’s way – and call out, “Hey, you,” and I waffle between shrinking and desperately wanting to be seen ‘cause I’m wearing lipstick! Trina laughs with a wide opened mouth, head tossed back, braces finally off, killer laugh, and says, “Hey what?” And I think, BRILLIANT. She always knows just what to say!

The boy leans out the window, his hand resting on the mirror. A hand that looks wide enough to cover the entire surface of my face. I imagine this briefly and think of my lips leaving a fresh mark on the palm of that boy’s hand and my cheeks turn red. But I know he isn’t looking at me. It’s gonna take a lot more than orange-red lipstick.

The light has turned green and I am ready to have my sister back, but she has shifted slightly in their direction, both perfect breasts pointing their way. The radio is playing ROCK and I try desperately to move coolly, inhibited by the seatbelt Trina insists I wear. Her shoulder strap fits ideally between her perfect breasts and makes her t-shirt even tighter. My t-shirt is long and baggy and covers my butt when I stand, and I have pulled my shoulder strap down under my right arm so it won’t rub against my neck (or accentuate the flatlands of my chest). In this moment, with that truckload of boys peeping in, I would give anything to have Trina’s breasts. I sit, trying to be relaxed and tall with my black bangs cutting straight across my forehead, the sweat beginning to form at the hairline. I wish we were moving.

The boys are still trying to get Trina’s number and I want to scream, “HELLO, THIS IS MY SPECIAL DAY! I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT AND I DON’T HAVE TO DO CHORES AND NO ONE CAN TALK IN CODE OR TELL ME TO SCRAM …” but I don’t. Instead I fumble through the cassette tapes shoved in the glove compartment and then I study the floor. There are empty tab cans, sugar free gum wrappers, and a Shape magazine. Trina is healthy. She works out at a gym where the women walk around the locker room naked and the bulky shiny men wear yellow spandex.

Finally we drive. Trina’s car smells of cigarettes and Angelfire, recently sprayed. She tries to hide her smoking habit from me because she knows somewhere deep that I will do whatever she does (and because she isn’t convinced that she is a smoker).

“I think the guy in the middle was checkin’ you out.” she says.

I start giggling manically, “NO WAY!”

“Totally,” she says, ”with that lipstick you look at least 13.”

While I want to believe her, I can tell she is trying to be nice because she starts biting her lip like she does when she’s nervous or LYING or has to sing a solo at church.

We park at the mall and I take crazy long Trina-sized steps to keep up. It makes my calves hurt. But I can’t slow down; can’t let her see that I am struggling. Trina is COOL. And when I am with her, when I can keep up with her, I am COOL.

I haven’t been to the mall since my mom took me bra shopping earlier in the school year and insisted on coming into the fitting room with me. Trina asks me if I want an Orange Julius and I say, “nah, I’m not hungry …” when I’m actually starving but I don’t want to mess up my lipstick.

We run into Fred Meyer’s (which is the kind of place where I can spend a whole summer’s allowance. It’s like, K-Mart meets Payless Shoes meets the Dollar Store). Trina needs nylons. I go with but veer into the make-up aisle scanning the rows of pretty plastic until I see it. Covergirl. YEAH. I am sweating and eager and breathless but cannot find a lipstick called BLUE-RED. BUT I do find the eye shadow that Trina wears and I feel so victorious I actually consider slipping it into my pocket and walking. But I don’t.

In line behind my sister, I hold my breath wondering if she will stop me from making this dangerously adult purchase. The cashier rings me up and I pull out my sparkly pink plastic wallet with the little mirror in the flap and fake rhinestone closure and think, someday I’ll have a red leather purse and matching high heels and credit cards and no bangs. I make eye contact with Trina and she smiles for a half a second and then she is easily distracted by Luke & Laura on the cover of Soap Opera Digest.

My hand is sticky as I hold the bag, and I tell Trina I have to go to the bathroom. “Meet me in the food court. I need caffeine,” she says, and we head off in opposite directions.

I am so close.

Once situated in a stall on the far end away from the door I wipe my hands on my jeans near the spot I have been trying to work into a hole. I get my wallet/mirror and then pull out my first ever Covergirl eye shadow. I peel off the back, careful not to damage the instructions. There is a diagram and I can see that I am just three easy steps away from changing my life FOREVER.

Step one tells me to apply the lightest shade to my entire eyelid. I do this while trying to keep the soft sparkly blue from dusting my black eye brows. Niiiiiiiice. [EXHALE] On to step two. I take the skinniest side of the application wand and the darkest shade and drag it across my lash line. I do one eye and then the next. (And then I go back and forth and back and forth trying to make them look the same! Eh, close enough.)

I am ready for step three. I read. Apply contour shade to the eyelid crease.

I grip the application wand and steady my gaze in the mirror.

I bring the wand to my eye.

And then I freeze.

Only now do I see it.

I have no crease.

No crease in my eyelid for the contour shade.

No place for blending.

No place to create depth.

There is no step three for me.

I will never be beautiful.

Ever. NEVER EVER.

The stall feels crowded, the walls are pressing in and I am dizzy. I slide off the toilet seat onto the cool tiles and lift the lid, resting my chin on the edge. My head could fit in that toilet bowl, I think. I could stuff my head in there … But then I envision Trina, having finished her diet soda (and maybe small fries if she plans on going to the gym tonight) LOOKING for me, making her way toward the ladies room, FINDING ME, face down … I wipe off step one and two and hurry to the food court. I can’t tell if Trina is checking me for signs of her eye shadow because I am careful not to look at her.

We start walking back toward the exit, and Trina catches her breath and says, “Wow, check him out, he’s from the gym.” She exhales, and I see the red rise in her cheeks, and she starts biting her lip.

Then everything goes SLO-MO.

I see, coming toward us, this amazing boy, no, this amazing MAN, with faded jeans slightly frayed at the edges, Doc Martins squeaking as he approaches. He has gorgeous guitar player hands and I nearly gasp audibly when he reaches up and pushes his thick chocolaty hair (a la Rick Springfield) away from his mile long lashes. This guy is magic and I can’t feel my feet.

Trina’s hips sway with each step. The GUY slides his guitar player hands deep into his pockets. Trina flips her Sun-In blonde hair over her shoulder with a carelessness that I know she does not feel.

And then, when the GUY is inches away from Trina, I see him lift his chin slightly and smile a flawless “never even needed braces” smile UP at Trina. He is now at a complete stop, body turning in towards her, an opening line poised on his stubbled, recently licked, lips.

But she doesn’t slow down, doesn’t smile. I slam back to reality as we speed away from the magical guy. A few seconds later Trina says “Too bad.” I’m so confused. What flaw does she see in him that I can’t see?

We are almost to the car when she says again, “Too bad.”

I stay completely silent, hoping she will forget I am there and just keep talking.

“You’re lucky you’re short.”

I don’t answer because I am sure that she is making fun of me.

“You’ll be able to date anyone you want,” she says. “It totally SUCKS to be this tall.”

I am surprised. And DELIGHTED. I steal a glance at her. My beautiful sister. Then I notice for the first time EVER how she slumps her shoulders when she walks, like she’s apologizing for being WAY UP THERE.

And I think of the family picture we recently took. Trina is center, the edge of the shot just skimming the top of her head. I am in front of her, little and cut off at the knees. Neither of us FITS. I imagine someone pulling the camera back just slightly to accommodate both of us, so you can see ALL of me and ALL of Trina.

Trina notices me noticing her and winks.

“Yeah, they’re gonna love you.”

Maybe, I think. And then we walk. And I take me-sized steps all the way back to the car.

 

A summer of gracious living

A luxury safari in Kenya proves that modernity and the Maasai can live in harmony.

Reticulated Giraffe running. There are three subspecies of giraffes that live in East Africa: the Reticulated, whose spots are very clearly and cleanly marked; the Maasai, who are the tallest (up to 18 feet), darkest in color, and with spots going all the way down their legs; and the Rothschild, who are slightly smaller and lighter in color and have white “stockings.” (Marian Smith)

Matasha’s daughter squealed in delight when she saw the image of herself on my digital camera.  

The miniature screen showed her — the tallest child in the group — surrounded by almost ten other skinny, dusty, grinning children. Matasha, my Maasai guide, towered over them, tall and proud, his robes a bright pinpoint of red against the brown and tan colors of the savannah.

In the background appeared the interior of Matasha’s family compound. A massive fence of gnarled, sharp branches enclosed a cluster of round huts made from dung and sticks. The family corralled its herd of cattle in the middle of the huts each night, protecting them from the lions that roam the stretch of plains between Kenya’s Chyulu hills and the majestic Mt. Kilimanjaro.  

This was Campi ya Kanzi, 400 square miles of Maasai-owned land bordering the Tsavo West and Chyulu National Parks near the Amboseli Reserve in Kenya. Last summer, I stayed there with my boyfriend, Dan, and various members of my family, for four days at the beginning of a three-week-long safari through Kenya and Tanzania.

I squirmed the first time I saw where Matasha lived, unable to fathom why anyone would enjoy living in a hut made from dung. But at the end of my three weeks in Africa, after staying at other safari camps, I came to realize that the Maasai at Campi ya Kanzi were more than content with their traditional lifestyle and the dung huts that came with it; their culture was successfully withstanding any encroaching Westernization.

But I also realized that this fortunate state of affairs was allowed to happen only rarely. At most of the camps, ecotourism was simply a substitute word for high-priced wildlife-viewing expeditions. Locals weren’t given any stake in this version of tourism as nature conservation. At the same time, any notion of trying to preserve the local culture was practically unheard of. It was only at very few places, such as Campi ya Kanzi, that a pampered stay didn’t leave me with an uneasy conscience.

At Campi ya Kanzi, guests slept on feather pillows and Italian linens, enjoyed indoor plumbing in our canvas tents, and were supplied with soft white robes and slippers to wear at night. Each day, we woke up to a soft “Good morning” and the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sweet biscuits waiting on a tray on our private porch. During the day, we drove through endless miles of rolling bush, picnics packed in the trunk of our jeep, looking for wildlife with the help of our expert Maasai guides. And as the orange African sun began to set, we stopped on hilltops for our regular “sundowners” — wine and snacks — before heading back to camp.

The camp was the dream-come-true of Luca and Antonella Belpietro, a young couple from Brescia, in northern Italy. Ten years ago, Luca convinced Antonella to leave her chic life in Italy for the raw beauty of Kenya — the place where Luca had traveled extensively as a boy. Together, they discovered the Maasai-owned land in southern Kenya and formed a partnership with the 3,000 herdsmen living on it. With the Maasai’s help, Luca and Antonella built a main house and six cottages — with thatched roofs, rough wooden beams, and canvas sidings — for a maximum of 14 guests at any one time. They named the place Campi ya Kanzi, which means “Camp of the Hidden Treasure” in Kiswahili, and then invited people to come and see why.

Matasha, my Maasai guide, in traditional dress of red robes and beaded necklaces and bracelets. The spear in his right hand was with him always, a customary protection against wild animals when walking out in the bush. (Will Ebert)

Sustainable safari

Before I came to Campi ya Kanzi, I had been on a safari before, in the enormous Kruger National Park in South Africa almost 10 years ago.

I went with a friend’s family, and we stayed in unmemorable huts and drove ourselves around in a jeep, trying to avoid the seven-car pile-ups in which one or two cars would spot an animal and then five others would gather to form a rather — if I may say so — obnoxious crowd.  

This was no Kruger.  

For starters, there was only one other family and a honeymooning couple besides my family at Campi, and Luca and Antonella treated all of us as their personal guests. On our first day, they settled us into our tents, showed us around the grounds, and educated us on the history of the place. They also made very clear the camp’s mission — to raise money for schools and healthcare for the Maasai living anywhere within the extensive property, and to protect the wildlife.

That first day, Antonella explained that the wood for the camp’s construction came from sustainable tree plantations in nearby national forests, and that the water purifying system had been built out of the ubiquitous lava rocks of the Chyulu Hills. An organic vegetable garden provided the kitchen with its own natural produce, and the diesel generator* only ran for a few hours each day. Cards in our bathrooms told us that the little bottles of shampoos and soaps were biodegradable.

With an Italian eye for style, Antonella had decorated the lodge and the tents with local and traditional art: Beaded collars with strings of shells, ornate masks, and wooden carvings. Inside the main house, overstuffed sofas surrounded a large stone fireplace and heavy wooden chairs looked out across the open veranda to the mountains in the distance.

Most other camps lacked Campi’s rustic yet comfortable atmosphere.

Camp Kirawira in Tanzania, actively promoted its British colonial history, offering guests elaborate silver tea services laid out by local waiters wearing drab, grey uniforms and white gloves. Oriental carpets and old gramophones decorated the main house. Sure, the guides spoke flawless English and knew the Latin names of all the animals, but something didn’t feel quite right when a khaki-wearing man told us his tribe was Maasai. “Really?” I thought to myself and wondered where on the Serengeti he had bought his tan safari boots.

At Campi ya Kanzi, the Maasai were free to be themselves, red robes, spears and all. Along with the wildlife, they were the camp’s greatest assets.

Once, when we were in the bush on a game drive, Matasha called out to Stefano, our other guide and driver, to stop the jeep — he had seen an animal in the distance. I scanned the horizon eagerly, but even with binoculars glued to my face, I couldn’t see much besides trees and bushes.

Matasha said something to Stefano in Maa, the Maasai language.  

“Ah, yes,” Stefano said, looking into the distance with his own pair of binoculars. Then he translated. “A young giraffe — Maasai — born maybe three months ago.”

I continued to look, all the while silently grumbling to myself. Then, something miles away moved, and sure enough, through my binoculars, I could just make out the silhouette of a young Maasai giraffe, one of the three main subspecies that can be found in East Africa. My binoculars were no match for Matasha’s eyesight, however, so I took his word for it that the animal was three months old.

Matasha’s daughter, center, wearing my hat and sunglasses. Other children surround her, and in the background is the gnarled fence that forms the corral for the family’s cattle each night. (Will Ebert)

Conversations about conservation

At dinner time, the whole camp — all of us guests, Luca, Antonella, their three-year-old daughter Lucrezia, Stefano, and sometimes a few of the Maasai guides who spoke English — sat around the large wooden table in the main house. Animal sightings — herds of elephant, gazelles, giraffes, and zebras — were discussed at great length as was the more serious issue of introducing certain rare species back into the region.

On one such evening, Luca told us of some poachers who had hidden the skinned carcass of a hartebeest — a kind of antelope — in a large bush in the hills of the Maasai land. He guessed that the poachers came from the Wakamba, another tribe that competes for resources with the Maasai, often resulting in tension between the two tribes. Luca resolved to gather a team of Maasai to go find the men.

The fierce ownership Luca displayed that night was equal to that of the Maasai, even though Luca is essentially a guest on their land. The two parties have built an extraordinarily strong and respectful partnership, and that is what makes Campi ya Kanzi unique in my eyes. Of the $425 per person per night fee, $30 goes to a charitable foundation that supports the Maasai culture — Luca meets with representatives from the community several times a year and together they decide how to allocate funds to schools, healthcare, and social projects. The rest of the money goes to sustaining the camp and its employees, and paying the salaries of the Maasai who work there or as scouts, patrolling the land for poachers.

In this way, as the Maasai work to conserve the wildlife on the reserve, they benefit from even the smallest number of tourists. In 2000, Luca and Antonella also set up the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust that contributes specifically to wildlife adoption and to reimbursing the Maasai for any damages to their herds caused by predators.

Showing the Maasai the benefits of protecting lions in particular was difficult at first since cattle, which the lions hunt, are the Maasai’s livelihood. Dowries are given in cattle, boys are given their first cows when they formally become men, and families are considered wealthy only by the number of cows they own. But slowly the Maasai have come to realize that the more lions there are, the more consistent the stream of tourists contributing to Campi ya Kanzi’s trust which, in turn, helps preserve the Maasai culture.  

Years ago, Luca told me, a Christian missionary group tried to help the Maasai by building them a well so they would always have water. But after months of grazing their herds of cattle only on the surrounding grasses, the Maasai found that the land had become parched and the well was providing less and less water. The missionaries had meant well but their lack of cultural understanding blinded them to ways of helping that would still allow the Maasai to continue living their traditional nomadic life.

Matasha’s daughter, center, in a green dress, surrounded by other children. Behind them are two traditional huts constructed of dung, mud and sticks with a thatched roof. Inside, it is almost pitch dark and there are only a few fist-sized holes in the walls to let in light and release smoke from a small fireplace that burns in one corner. In the background is the corral’s fence, and behind that are the Chyulu Hills. (Will Ebert)

The pride of the Maasai

As guides, cooks, guards, and caretakers, the Maasai employees of the camp are not making their living by traditional means. But they do return to their villages on weekends and periodically throughout the year, and with the support of the foundation, they are all very likely living as closely as they can to their nomadic heritage.

When Matasha invited us to see his village, it became clear how respectful this reciprocal relationship between tradition and tourism can and should be. The visit with his family was not part of the tour — he was not being paid to show us a slice of Maasai life. Rather, he invited us as his guests. Matasha and his extended family live in essentially the same way his ancestors have lived for generations, and he was happy to show us the culture he was fighting to sustain.

In the dusty corral, Matasha’s wife watched over the assortment of children. By now, they had managed to extract the sunglasses and hat from my head and were gleefully chasing one another in their attempts to try them on. With his colorfully beaded wooden stick — a rungu — signifying leadership and power, Matasha motioned us toward one of the mud huts. Beaming, he told us it was his mother’s house.

Thinking about that day now, I can’t help but recall how the other safari camps spelled out in their brochures what it was like to visit a traditional village with their guides. They advertised it as an authentic experience, a unique opportunity to see where and how tribespeople had been living for generations. But when we realized that these “visits” actually entailed crowds of tourists piling into little vans to descend on these “villages,” where dollars could buy the beaded necklaces and postcards conveniently on display, we refused to sign up. It didn’t sit right, especially after Matasha had so generously invited us inside his own mother’s hut, where she slept, cooked, and lived her quiet life.

I must admit though that when I first saw Matasha’s home, it was difficult to reconcile the fact that I would be going back to a furnished, comfortable tent that night, while Matasha’s children would pile into their dung hut at bedtime. But seeing how happy they were — how proud — to live the way they did, brought home the fact that I was the only one feeling embarrassed about the disparity in our sleeping arrangements. Matasha and the other Maasai working at the camp saw the luxury of the guests’ lodgings every day, but they weren’t jealous. To them, our lifestyle was just another way of living.  

Part of the beauty of traveling is learning to look at things from a new perspective, however clichéd that sounds. For the rest of my stay at Campi ya Kanzi, I stopped feeling guilt-stricken when I returned to my tent at night. That I slept on a feather pillow was of little consequence to the Maasai at Campi. Rather, what mattered to them (and to me) was that my visit was helping sustain a traditional way of life they did not want to lose. My conscience slept easier after that.

Matasha‘s daughter, center, in a green dress, surrounded by other children. Behind them is Matasha‘s mother‘s hut, constructed from dung, mud and sticks with a thatched roof. To the left is Stefano, Luca‘s long-time friend from school in Italy, who works at Campi ya Kanzi as a guide. (Will Ebert)

Correction, April 7, 2006: This article originally misstated that Campi ya Kanzi uses a solar-powered generator for a few hours each day. In fact, the camp uses a regular diesel generator for a few hours each day when it needs to run some heavy-duty appliances. The rest of the time, it uses solar-powered electricity. (Go to the corrected text.)